


Better Love || A Bucky Barnes Fic

by Peppermintxcrazy



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Love, Romance, Slow Burn, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2019-07-08 12:17:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 43
Words: 75,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15930263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peppermintxcrazy/pseuds/Peppermintxcrazy
Summary: "Come back to me."Several months after the events of CA:TWS, Bucky finds himself in the city of Seattle. He is alone, with only fragmented memories and haunting ghosts from his past keeping him company. He decides that- in order to start his new life that will benefit his future- he must go back into the past in the only way he knows how: books. And the Seattle Public Library seems like the best place for this to occur.Cue Elena Burroughs; a kind-hearted librarian with a secret. Against both their wishes the pair can't help but feel drawn to one another, something they both know to be dangerous for different reasons. As time goes on tensions will rise, secrets will be revealed, and enemies will make themselves known. Will the pair make it out alive? Or will one person's secret become the death of the other?POST CA:TWS → AVENGERS: ENDGAME





	1. [BETTER LOVE]

**_ ["I have never loved a darker blue // Than the darkness I have known in you."]  _ **

_"My bounty is as boundless as the sea,_  
_My love as deep; the more I give to thee,_  
_The more I have, for both are infinite."_  
**_~Romeo and Juliet, William Shakespeare_ **

 

_**[CAST]** _

[NATALIE DORMER as ELENA BURROUGHS]  
_"Come back to me."_

[SEBASTIAN STAN as BUCKY BARNES]  
_"They turned me into the Winter Soldier. I was their weapon. They stole my life and - and they stole my mind."_

[OPRAH WINFREY as DELILAH SIMPSON]  
_"Lord knows he's a boy that's worth being saved."_

[HUGH LAURIE as THOMAS BYRON]  
_"I'd steal the world for you. Would you like that?"_

[ALEXANDER SKARSGARD as GIDEON JONES]  
_"Strange how love works, isn't it?"_

[MARVEL CINEMATIC ACTORS as THEIR RESPECTIVE CHARACTERS]

 

 

**_ [PLAYLIST] _ **

  
**i.** Better Love // Hozier **ii.** Poison in your Mind // Powderfinger **iii.** Run // Daughter **iv.** Shadow // Birdy **v.** Drawn to the Blood // Sufjan Stevens **vi.** The World Ender // Lord Huron **vii.** I Need My Girl // The National **viii.** Till The End // Jessie Ware **ix.** Never Let Me Go // Florence + The Machine **x.** I Found // Amber Run **xi.** Work Song // Hozier **xii.** Shelter // Lyves **xiii.** Sugar // Wanderhouse **xiv.** Bronte // Gotye **xv.** Casimir Pulaski Day // Sufjan Stevens **xvi.** I'm Kissing You // Des'ree **xvii.** Find My Way Back // Eric Arjes **xviii.** Winter Is All Over You // First Aid Kit **xix.** You Were Never Gone // Hannah Ellis

 

 

**_ [DISCLAIMER] _ **

I do not own Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier, or any other Marvel characters/plot lines that might pop up. They belong to the MCU, the Marvel Comics, and those creators who came up with them. All I own is Elena Burroughs, other original characters, and some plot lines, which are my own creation. This fic will only be found on Wattpad or AO3, so if it pops up somewhere else know that A) Somebody's stolen it and B) I will be spewing anger if that happens (So don't).  
Now that that's all sorted, I hope that you lovely readers will enjoy my fic. It's been in the works for years now so I'm hoping that my writing can bring it the justice it deserves in regards to how I imagine it in my head. Please leave a vote and comment and tell me how you're finding it!  
xoxo  
~DM

  
** _[~]_ **


	2. - Part One: The Lonely -

 

**_ -PART ONE: THE LONELY- _ **

_"A sad tale's best for winter: I have one of sprites and goblins."_  
****_~The Winter's Tale, William Shakespeare  
  
_

 Once there was a man. This man used to like going to science fairs and carnivals by the sea. He flirted with girls and stood up for the underdog. He had a best friend. He had a heart. A soul. He was good.  
Then he fell, and from his death rose something else in his place. This thing was cold and controlled. This thing was ripped apart and put back together like a demented jigsaw puzzle. This thing wasn't a man. It was a machine. A monster. It was evil.  
But then it fell too, and from it came....  
Neither a man nor monster. Neither good nor bad. Just... broken. Confused. Lost as Hell.  
But not alone. Not anymore.  
  


**_[ In which the ghost story meets the librarian ]_ **

**_[~]_ **

 


	3. - Seattle Rain -

Winter, it seemed, had not yet learned to let go. While it was officially Spring in America, the colour pallet of nature had not been revived just yet. Everything was grey and the city of Seattle was living in a constant state of showers. It's how it had been since he had arrived, there was no escaping it unless a person had a car to hide in, a shop to duck in to, a home to seek shelter until it passed. He had none of those things. Rain clung to dark strands of his hair, falling in small droplets onto the wharf below and turning it into a liquid mirror. He thought he caught his gaze staring back at him and with a frown he began to walk once more, the shallow water rippling with his every step. He followed the wharf back to the shoreline, turning his back on the grey water that stretched away from land. It was too much for him to bare.

Since the day he had pulled Captain America from the water of the Triskelion all those months ago, Bucky Barnes had turned into a wanderer. He didn't spend too long in Washington, only stopping by the Smithsonian to find the foundation of his past. Since then he had jumped from place to place using every trick in the book to avoid detection: fake identities, stealing, hiding, creating false trails, everything. He didn't want to be found at the moment. He wanted to do the finding himself.

So far he had done well. He knew his full name - James Buchanan Barnes, Bucky for short. He knew that he was born on the 10th of March, 1917, almost a hundred years ago now. He had also discovered little stories about the man he had saved. Steven Grant "Steve" Rogers had been his best friend, the pair having grown up together. Apparently he used to look out for Steve who was prone to being bullied before he underwent Project Rebirth. In truth, Bucky couldn't remember any of that, but that face was one that never left his mind. Not the one he had left at the Triskelion. A younger version, softer, one that hadn't seen the things this older Steve had. It made Bucky feel strangely protective of the man.

But he didn't trust him. Not yet.

After months of traveling across the country, Bucky had ended up in Seattle. The things he did were never planned - his sporadic behaviour made him feel safer in case his old employers were looking for him - so when he realized that he had come to the edge of the west coast he suddenly realized that he would either have to start heading in a new direction, or actually make something of himself. At the moment, he was unsure as to what path he wished to take. Sitting at a bench by himself, Bucky looked across at the water in front of him that stretched and blended into the grey sky beyond, feeling the rain wash down his face.

He wouldn't say he was one for symbolism, but he wouldn't deny the feeling of freedom and rebirth that water gave him. He still remembered how it felt emerging from the Potomac river with the unconscious Steve in one arm, confused as to why he was saving the man only minutes earlier he had been trying to kill, exhausted and in pain from their previous fight, but overall as free as he had ever felt in his life. Now whenever it rained he allowed himself to stand outside and let it wash over him, let it revive him and give him the strength to carry on.

_And Seattle is known for its rain._ With furrowed eyebrows Bucky let this thought wash over him just as the rain continued to do so. Two paths he allowed himself to think on: to stay or to go. The longest he had ever stayed in a place so far had been a month, then after that he had began to grow paranoid and had quickly disappeared once more. Living life like a ghost was something he had grown used to, but the more he began picking up the pieces of his old life, the more he began to feel this tug in his heart. He was growing tired. He didn't want to run anymore. The waters made him want to start again and actually commit to it. The waters gave him hope for something more. The fear still lingered, though. He didn't want to be found and he knew that he was taking a gamble by choosing to start a new life here. It would be better for him to disappear halfway around the world to escape his previous employers. The thought made him frown, though. In the back of his head a small voice whispered, _but America is your home._

He had fought for the country once. He had died for it. But he knew the stories that were told about The Winter Soldier, that machine of a man that still plagued him night and day. That thing had been a terrorist, had worked for a group of people who had once tried to bomb away part of the country. They would have succeeded, too, had it not been for Captain America. Everything that The Winter Soldier had done made him an outsider. Swallowing down the thoughts Bucky clenched his metal fist, closing his eyes. Not even the rain could cleanse him of his past sins, but it brought him a promise of hope he hadn't tasted in a long time.

Shaking his head Bucky stood up and began to walk. The decision was one that he didn't think he was ready to make yet. He had only been in Seattle for two days now and already he knew this was a city that didn't change much. That wasn't a necessarily boring thing for a man like him, but he wondered if his presence in the city would change it somehow. Was he too different to be living in a city like this? And even if he did decide to live there permanently, what would he do? Then again, what would he do anywhere else in the world? Bucky was finding it difficult to find a place to begin, the thoughts eating away at his already damaged mind. However, it all settled when he eventually stumbled upon a building he hadn't yet explored.

A criss-crossing puzzle of metal and glass, the building was one that Bucky wasn't sure of. The architecture threw him off a little: there were too many corners, too many sharp lines, too many diamond glass shards decorating the building. At the same time, though, he found it quite compelling and strangely beautiful, despite the fact that it only reflected the greyness of the outdoors. Walking closer, Bucky realized that the building wasn't some kind of strange, modern day business, but a library. Bucky stared at the building, nibbling away at a thought in his mind. He was still searching for himself in the pages of history, the only way he knew how to discover his past. He was not nearly finished with this search, so why stop now that his mind had entered a crossroads when it came to making a certain decision?

_Fuck it,_ he thought, beginning to walk up to the large library. _Time to compromise. Spend a month focusing on your past and continuing to build up that life profile, and if you still feel safe living here, start again. Let The Winter Soldier die and start again._

The rain followed him until he disappeared under the cover of an arch, but he still felt that hope seeping into his bones. He held onto it as he stepped inside the library.

**_[ ~ ]_ **

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: And the fic begins, featuring soft angel Bucky Barnes and - eventually - the introduction of another equally soft angel that you'll meet... in the next chapter :)  
> xoxo  
> ~DM


	4. - Trip Down Memory Lane -

His exploration of the Seattle Public Library started off a little rocky. The metal detectors had picked up his metal arm (as well as the many different weapons he had on his person). However, after taking off his glove and showing his metal hand to the security guard, the man hadn't bothered to ask him if he was carrying anything else. In fact, he looked a little embarrassed to have stopped Bucky, eyes lingering on what Bucky heard him mutter under his breath, "unfortunate disability." Bucky couldn't help but scoff slightly at that comment as he made his way towards the escalators. If the security guard knew his history, he'd call it anything but an "unfortunate disability."

After that, though, Bucky was left to his own devices. That was mostly just taking in the size of the library itself. Standing on level three out of the eleven levels the library had, Bucky examined the large building. There was a checkout area on one side of him, a collection of books and small plastic cases on another side, and in front of him was a small cafe and shop. That puzzled him the most, even more than the plastic cases that - after examination - seemed to hold little discs of some sort. Why would a library have a cafe or a shop? Bucky grimaced at this, bringing one hand up to his temple. An image of a small white building crossed his mind, inter-cut between stacks of books at a table in a dimly lit room, their subjects all on technological advancement in society. And next to him, reading books on art history and fiction, was a skinny blonde man. Pausing for a moment, Bucky rummaged through his backpack and eventually found what he was looking for: a journal and a pen. He had taken to writing down every fact about Steve or himself since his trip to the Smithsonian, and as the memories sluggishly returned they too made their way into the journal. This was the second one he had started, the pages still quite fresh, but Bucky had noticed that the memories in this journal outweighed the facts so far. _And this is just another one to join the pack_ , he thought as he wrote the memory down.

Once this moment had passed Bucky continued making his way up each level, trying to not let the size of the library daunt him too much. Level four didn't hold much apart from a few meetings rooms and an area known as the "Red Hall". Walking down it Bucky felt his heart begin to hammer against his rib cage, the color burning into his mind. Again, a sharp pain dug into his skull and in his mind he saw images of a large room, a group of watching people, and the feeling of a brutal sparring match with a woman with red hair. The memory made him wince, and while he would rather have just ignored it, it was a piece to the puzzle that he desperately wanted to solve. Quickly scribbling the memory into his journal, Bucky hurried out of the Red Hall and upstairs to the next level. Here, the space was large and open with many people seated before separate screens, immersed in whatever it was the screen was showing them. He walked past the area, looking at it curiously, before finding himself at a loss as to where to go next. It seemed that this library wasn't really one at all. It was a maze, and the books he searched for seemed to be nowhere in sight.

_Have books been replaced by these screens?_ Bucky thought, glancing towards the people using them. _There's not much flipping happening, though. Also, what's the point in a library if there are no books? Maybe the screens are for something else?_ Bucky sighed softly, running a hand through his hair with a frown. _Or maybe I'm just not ready to get back into society at all._

"Can I help you?"

The voice came from a few meters away from him. Turning towards the source of the noise, Bucky saw a woman looking at him with a smile from behind a long desk. Hesitantly he made his way towards the woman, looking around in case this was a trap. It wasn't often that someone would make the first move and talk to him, so he was weary in case his former employers were close by. He clenched his metal fist as he came to a stop before the woman who was still looking at him with a soft smile.

"Are you lost?" she asked, light blue eyes looking up at him. He found no malice, no hidden agenda, no threat, only warmth. Bucky felt his muscles relax slightly, a sense of reassurance seeping into his mind, but he didn't completely let go.

"Um - yeah, yeah," Bucky replied, clearing his throat before nodding. "Yeah, I am."

"It happens," the woman replied with a light laugh. "What are you after?"

"Books. I mean, books on, um, world war two?" Bucky asked, still cautious of the area. The woman didn't seem to notice, however, continuing to talk to him in a pleasant manner.

"Any particular part of world war two, or just an overall view of that piece of history?"

"Captain America," Bucky said quickly, waiting for something to snap or for the woman to suddenly call for backup. If she was part of HYDRA, or if anyone in the area was, and they heard that he was looking for information about Captain America, then Bucky suspected that they'd be on his ass quickly to try and stop him from dredging up the memories they had taken away. He stared at her carefully, watched as she typed something, and then finally looked back up at him with the same warmth as before.

"All our books on World War Two can be found on level nine of the library, just take the escalator up. As for specific books covering Captain America - his early life, his time in the war, and a little about his return a few years ago - those can be found in section 940 of the floor. There'll be signs on the bookshelves to help guide you, including ones directing you to the Captain America books," the woman told him. When she didn't say anything else and no sort of ambush or attack occurred, Bucky realized that that was it.

"Oh. Um, okay then. T-Thank you," he said, finally unclenching his fist and stepping away. While the woman seemed to be looking at him in slight puzzlement, he no longer felt threatened. She was just doing her job, it seemed.

"You're welcome. If you need any more help, don't hesitate to ask," she replied before giving him one last smile and returning to work. With a slight nod Bucky made his way towards the escalator and up to level nine.

The woman had been right: The signs guided him right to where he needed to be. Grabbing several books on the early life of Captain America, Bucky found himself a secluded table in the area and began to read. It wasn't long before he found a mention of himself in the first book. Titled _Captain America: Before Project Rebirth,_ the second chapter of the book was dedicated entirely to his childhood friendship with Steve Rogers. There were even a few faded photographs of the two as boys. Bucky studied them carefully, staring into the eyes of the child he had once been. He tried to concentrate, tried to imagine the kinds of thoughts that kid had had once upon a time, tried to remember what his favorite meal had been or what games he might have played with his siblings. He tried to remember his siblings, only briefly mentioned in the chapter but still enough to make Bucky wonder where they were now. With a pain in his heart he realized that they were probably dead by now.

Taking out his journal and a pen from his bag, Bucky copied the words found in the book into his own. While they weren't his own memories, they were something, and the littlest pieces of information could eventually form the image that was James Buchanan Barnes. It would just take a bit of time.

 

**_ [ ~ ] _ **


	5. - The Librarian -

He had been using all the tricks in the book.

It had been two weeks since he had started going to the Seattle Public Library and in that time he had found himself a place to live. All it had taken was the art of being untraceable, undetectable, overall, a ghost. It hadn't been hard. While the library did have a small security team keeping an eye on the library at night, they never found him. He had been living incognito in the building, stealing food from the cafe downstairs and making a bed for himself in a small, secluded nook that avoided the detection of security or the cameras dotted around the place. He slept in relative peace while it rained outside.

Only relative peace, though. While Bucky was free from having to worry about the security finding him, he was never free from his dreams. They haunted him every night, bringing him back to the place he had escaped from months ago. Names he knew were attached to faces he hated such as Rumlow and Pierce. If the chair wasn't torturing him, then they were. Shadows followed him in his dreams, never leaving his sight, and no matter how hard he tried to run they were always there. They would reach out and drag him back to the cell, and once they were done torturing him they would put him back in that damn cryotube. That was always the worst part, he thought. He had spent so many months trying to reclaim something of his past self, and for them to take him back, torture him, and put him on ice yet again? It broke his heart. It was usually during this time that he would begin to scream, desperately fighting against the shadows. He had taken to sleeping with his glove clenched between his teeth because of this to muffle the sound. So far it had worked and no security had caught him battling his nightmares.

A routine had finally been built up, though, and for Bucky that felt like the first step in the direction of normality, of fitting in to this new society. Each morning he would wake up and pack his things away before pretending like he had just arrived to the library half an hour after it had opened. During the day he would spend his time reading his books and writing down any facts or memories that would come up. To take a break from the library he would take a walk around different parts of Seattle, creating for himself a map of the city. After stealing something for lunch he would return back to the library, continue reading, and then - at the end of the day when the library was closing - hide himself away until it was safe for him to come out. During the evening he would continue reading until fatigue would take over and he would retire for the night. It wasn't exactly the most ideal situation for a man attempting to get back into society, but it was all he had so far.

Right now he was making his way through yet another book, this one titled _The Howling Commandos: The Men Behind Captain America._ So far it was one of his favorites as it contained a lot of information about his past life as well as people other than Steve Rogers who had been a part of it. He was currently writing down a memory of a London pub at night when she appeared.

"You're making steady progress through those books, aren't you?"

Bucky looked up towards her and smiled slightly, watching as she came to a stop on the other side of the table, the trolley she pushed stacked with different books.

"It's interesting stuff," he replied softly, making her smile before she looked down at her trolley. Shuffling through the pile of books, she suddenly picked one up and turned towards him.

"This one's just been returned. I think you might find it helpful for..." she trailed off, seemingly unable to finish her sentence. Clearing his throat Bucky finished it for her.

"For my history paper," he lied. She nodded, eyebrows slightly raised in surprise, holding the book close to her stomach and staring at him with light blue eyes.

"You're a student?" She asked. Bucky nodded, allowing himself to look at her longer than he usually did. He had seen her around almost every day since she'd helped him find his way around, and while the pair had exchanged friendly conversation every now and again, Bucky had never paid too much attention to her. He didn't want to bring attention to himself if he could help it. However, he liked the librarian. She was nice.

Her blonde hair was up in a bun on top of her head today and she was wearing a light blue blouse, dark trousers, and an equally dark blazer. Compared to some of the other librarians he had seen around, she seemed to be one of the younger ones - she couldn't be more than twenty-six or twenty-seven - and yet Bucky believed that she held a relatively high position at the library. She reminded him of someone, however it was hard for Bucky to put his finger on who that person was. He was certain that it was no one of this life, though. A ghost of someone from his past life, lovely and kind.

"I studied English in California, which I guess is kind of obvious," the woman continued with a little chuckle that Bucky found himself joining in with, something he hadn't done in a long time.

"So you've always wanted to be a librarian, then?" Bucky asked, surprised at himself for actually making small talk. Any other time he would've let the conversation die then and there. Bucky couldn't help but feel a little proud of himself for doing something that was considered normal. Not noticing the moment of positivity Bucky had just experienced, the librarian shook her head. taking him aback. "You haven't?"

"No, no. I actually have a teaching degree," she told him.

"And yet you're working here?" Bucky asked, slightly puzzled but quite intrigued about her, something that puzzled him even more. He couldn't remember the last time he had been intrigued about someone other than himself and Steve. With a shy smile she shrugged, pushing back a stray strand of hair that had fallen across her face.

"I like working here. When I moved here things changed a little bit, but that's okay. One day I might end up working as a teacher, but I guess we'll have to wait and see," she replied, before holding out the book towards him, diamond ring glittering in the library lights. "Anyway, I thought you might like this seeing as you're always reading about Captain America and World War Two. It might help with your history paper."

"Oh, thanks," Bucky said, taking the book from her. Flipping it over he read the title: _Brooklyn Boys - Before The War: The Story Of Steven Rogers and James Barnes._ While Bucky had read his name next to Steve's multiple times now, he hadn't seen it on a cover of a book. He swallowed, one gloved hand running across the title of the book before he looked up at the librarian.

"Is it something you might be looking for?" She asked, making him smile.

"Yeah, it is," Bucky replied with a nod, placing the book gently down on the desk. "Thank you..."

"Oh, it's Elena," the woman - Elena - replied, giving the tag hanging off the waist of her trousers a little flick with her fingers. "Elena Burroughs."

"I'm Bucky - Um, Bucky... Georgeson," Bucky lied, pulling up the name of his father to assist in coming up with a last name.

"Well, it's nice to finally be properly acquainted with you, Bucky," Elena replied with a grin before nodding towards her trolley. "I better put the rest of these books away, but I'll see you around?"

"Yeah, and thanks again for the book," Bucky said, watching as Elena began to walk away before stopping suddenly and looking over her shoulder.

"You know, just in case you end up getting bored of the scenery around here, you can check the books out. I could set up an account for you, if you like?"

"Oh, I..." Bucky hesitated slightly, finding himself concerned about possibly hurting Elena's feelings if he rejected her offer. It wasn't anything huge, of course, and he was sure that she was professional enough to not care what he said, and yet he found himself thinking over his response anyway. Looking out the window for a moment before turning back to her, he smiled.

"I could never get bored of the scenery around here."

**_ [ ~ ] _ **


	6. - The Shadow In The Library -

_"See the danger, Always danger."_

He was singing along to the radio while his silver BMW i8 sped through the sleepy streets of Seattle. He had only brought it a few weeks earlier so he reveled in every experience of driving it (when he wasn't driving his Ferrari 458 Speciale, that is). It slipped through the roads like a dream and made him feel like a fucking _God_. He couldn't wait to shove it in Strange's face next time he saw him.

Beside him he heard his fiancé groan, making him curl his lips in a crooked smile. Looking away from the darkness outside and towards the driver, Elena raised one eyebrow towards Thomas.

"It's a bit of a tired song to be starting our day to, isn't it?" Elena mused.

"I think the word you're looking for is soothing, my darling pet," Thomas replied with a smile, casting his blue eyes towards the younger blonde in the seat next to him before returning them to the road. "I understand that your work at the library is tedious so you'd probably prefer something a little more... pumped up, to bear the day ahead-"

"Cheeky-"

"-but I find the calmness helps counter the high-intensity of the surgery," Thomas finished, making Elena roll her eyes before she let out a little yawn. Her fiancee ran one hand through her blonde hair. "You've never been a morning person, honey."

"I didn't get much of a choice today," Elena said with a soft smile, taking Thomas' hand in hers. The day before the library had received a new shipment of books that had arrived three hours late. Because of this, Elena had only been able to put half of the new books into the system. She hoped that coming into work early would allow her to get them done in time for the next group of people to do their part, and also not throw her off her schedule for the rest of the day. With another yawn and a stretch, Elena looked at Thomas lovingly. "I don't know how you do it."

"When you've been doing it as long as me, you get used to it," the older man replied with a shrug before continuing to sing along to his music, accelerating down the street. Elena grinned, putting her hand on top of his when he rested it on her thigh.

Eventually they made it to the library and after kissing Thomas goodbye and watching him speed off towards his job at the hospital, Elena made her way inside. When closed, the library felt like a different, otherworldly place. She was so used to it being quite busy, the architecture and vast size of it inviting thousands of visitors from all over the world. The times Elena would come into the library when it was closed, she felt like the energy in the place was suspended, tense and waiting for something to drop. She didn't know if that was a good or bad thing to feel, but the dead silence made her feel different. It made her feel safe to be herself.

"Morning, Miss Burroughs," Adam, one of the night security guards, said when he saw her.

"Hi, Adam. Quiet night?" She asked, heading towards the elevator. The man nodded, stretching in his chair.

"Always is, Miss. Always is."

Upstairs, the floor was dimly lit, the street lights shining through the large windows and lightly washing the area. It was darker among the shelves, but Elena knew the floor plan of the library like it was her own home. She walked down the different aisles, eventually reaching the help desk where the boxes of new books was currently sitting. As she unpacked the box, her mind thinking about the long task she had ahead of her and how early in the morning it was, a book slipped through her hands and onto the floor. Not thinking anything of it, she bent down to pick it up, only to notice something funny underneath her desk. There, lying in a crumpled heap, was material she hadn't seen before. Frowning, the young woman picked it up, the material rustling as she straightened and tried to see what it was in the dim light. It was a sleeping bag.

"What..." Elena trailed off, looking around the space before walking across the floor. Looking over the railing down towards the ground floor, she could see Adam sitting several flights down at the reception desk. She was about to call out to him when she felt the hair on her arms prickling. The energy in the library that always felt suspended suddenly felt like it had dropped. Whipping her head to the side she saw a shadow standing beside one of the bookshelves. Suddenly that shadow moved.

With a scream Elena dropped the sleeping bag, taking a quick step backwards only to bang into the railing. The momentum of her step back, however, had thrown her off balance, and suddenly Elena found her upper body continuing to move backwards over the railing, her left leg lifting off the ground and beginning to follow. She tried to reach forward, tried to regain her balance, but she was too far over the railing. Just before gravity could move in for the kill she felt herself being snatched forward, spinning until the shadow was standing between her and the railing. Looking up, the faint light pooled over a face she had many times recently.

" _Bucky?!_ " Elena gasped, and she shook his hands off her arms before taking a step back. The man didn't say a word, his eyes locked on her face in a mix of surprise and concern. "What the _hell_ are you doing here??"

He didn't reply, instead casting his eyes down towards the floor. Elena followed his gaze, suddenly remembering why she had been by the railing in the first place. On the ground lay the crumpled sleeping bag. It didn't take long for Elena to piece together the picture.

"You're... you're homeless," she stated, mouth slightly agape at this new information. Again, he didn't say a word. The fear she had been feeling before disappeared, replaced with concern and sympathy for the man. "That's... that's why you said no to opening an account, isn't it? Oh, God, I'm so sorry -"

"Miss Burroughs?!" Adam's voice interrupted Elena's, who spun around towards the source before turning back to Bucky who looked like he was debating on whether he should fight or fly. Despite the fact Elena knew that Bucky was illegally in the building, she didn't want the man to get into trouble for something he couldn't control. If he was homeless he needed help, not a police record of breaking and entering. Picking up the sleeping back, Elena chucked it at Bucky who caught it easily.

"Hide," she hissed. The man looked at her in confusion, as though he was unable to understand why she wasn't telling the security guard that he was here. Pointing towards the bookshelves, Elena repeated herself. "Hide, hurry up!"

As silent as a shadow Bucky quickly moved towards the shelves just as Adam appeared, flashlight flickering across the place. Elena turned towards him, meeting his worried expression with a smile on her face.

"Miss Burroughs, are you all right?? What happened?" He asked, stopping in front of her and looking around the area. Elena shook her head.

"Oh, no, no, I'm fine, Adam, thank you-"

"You screamed, is there somebody here-"

"No!" Elena replied quickly before laughing slightly, shaking her head and slowing down the rest of her speech. "No, no, Adam. I, um... I was looking over the railing and I, um, lost my balance, and it gave me a fright. Yeah, I gave myself a fright, that's all. I'm fine, really."

"Oh," Adam murmured, looking at the railing then back towards Elena with a raised eyebrow. "Maybe don't stand too close to the railing. I'd hate for you to fall, Miss."

"Yes, yeah, I'll, um, I'll be more careful. Sorry, Adam," Elena said with a smile. At first hesitant, Adam eventually left Elena to her devices. Once he was gone she hurried over to the bookshelf, almost running right into Bucky who was standing around the corner. He looked tense, his eyes still turned in the direction that Adam had left in and his hands curled into fists.

"Bucky?" Elena questioned, and suddenly the man turned his attention towards her, eyebrows furrowed.

"Why did you lie to him?" he asked, voice low and quiet.

"I... I don't know," Elena shrugged. "I mean, you really shouldn't be sleeping here, Bucky. It's illegal, and honestly I'm incredibly surprised that you haven't been caught. Is this your first night sleeping here?"

His lack of answer was answer enough for Elena. She raised her eyebrows, mouth wide open, before she shook the expression from her face and continued.

"Okay, moving on, then - You shouldn't be sleeping here, but... But I'm not just going to give you up to the cops because you have nowhere to live," she said. "You just need some help."

"Help?"

"Yes," Elena nodded, biting her lip. She stared up at the bigger man, looked back down at the sleeping bag in his arms, then rubbed the engagement ring on her finger. "Okay, um... Okay, go get your things. She should be awake, and it's not like I'm skipping work to do this. Nobody will know."

"Know what? Who's she?" Bucky asked, following Elena as she walked away from the bookshelves and towards the help desk where her things were..

"Nobody will know that I'm taking you to Delilah, that I'm helping you."

"And who's Delilah?"

"A friend," Elena said, picking up her things and looking at Bucky. He had become quite still, the confusion on his face slowly slipping into suspicion. Elena frowned slightly, tilting her head to the side. "Do... Do you not trust me?"

"Do you want the truth?" Bucky asked, clenching his fists and swallowing. Elena didn't reply for a moment, staring at the man in front of her. What did she know about him? His name was Bucky Georgeson, a college student studying history, someone who had only become a regular at the library for over two weeks now. That was pretty much it, though. And what did he know about her? Just her name and job occupation, as well as her own college degree. Other than that basic knowledge, though, they were strangers. So why would he trust her? Why should she help him? They were valid questions. And yet...

"I know we don't know anything about each other," Elena said softly. "And I have no idea what kind of life you have or where it is you've come from. But... But I do want to help, Bucky. And I know people who can help you too. You don't have to trust me if you don't want to, we're strangers after all, but I meant what I said. I'm here to help. Just ask."

For a moment Bucky didn't reply, instead staring intently at the shorter woman. Elena had no idea what was passing through his mind, his face had become unreadable as though he had put up a mask. Eventually, though, he relaxed. Walking around the back of the desk, he grabbed his backpack and chucked it over his shoulders. Without a word he nodded, and Elena took that as her cue to lead the way.

 

**_ [~] _ **


	7. - Shelter -

They did not have to walk far. Only five blocks away sat their destination: A tall building standing among many others of the same make. Unlike the other buildings, however, which were all shut and lifeless, this one was a small hive of activity. The lights were shining brightly in the windows of the first floor and around the entrance stood a few people slowly making their way inside. They were ragged, bedraggled, yet every person who entered had a smile on their face. Elena led Bucky inside, heading towards a room where all the noise was coming from. He was nervous, in truth, the noise of clattering cutlery and rising voices worrying him to no end. However, he did not see it in Elena to knowingly bring him somewhere dangerous. He was also quite certain that she was no member of HYDRA. So, with those thoughts in mind, he followed her into the bustling dining room. Suddenly, cutting through the noise of the dining room, was a shriek that made Bucky reach inside his jacket pocket for the pocket knife he kept hidden. The action was unneeded, though. Emerging from behind the buffet counter was a short, large black woman with a bright smile on her face. She threw her arms up and made her way towards Elena, pulling her in for a hug.

"Hello, Dee," Elena laughed, returning the hug while the woman - Delilah - cupped the younger woman's face.

"Oh, sweetheart! How long it's been! Are you well? What are you doing here? Are you okay?" Delilah asked, launching into a multitude of questions that made Elena laugh.

"I'm fine, Dee, really, I've been great," Elena replied, taking the older woman's hands in hers. To Bucky's surprise and confusion, he noticed that the usually sparkling ring on her left finger had disappeared. "I was wondering if I could speak with you, but you look a little busy at the moment."

"Morning rush, darling. But you sit down, I'll get someone to send you and your friend something to eat," Delilah replied before hurrying off. With a smile at Bucky, Elena took a seat at a table, Bucky taking the one opposite. Not too long after they had two plates of food in front of them, Elena pushing hers towards Bucky.

"I've had breakfast. You should eat," she intructed. Without a word Bucky accepted the food, watching Elena as she looked around the room, questions swirling in his mind about her. Where was her engagement ring? How did she know this place? What exactly was it? She seemed to read his mind when it came to the last question.

"It's a homeless shelter. Dee opened it when she was younger - she came from a rich family who have always used their own money to help those in need. Seattle is better for it, I think, and the world. We need more people like her," Elena explained with a soft smile. Bucky nodded slightly, eyebrows furrowed as he looked down at his food.

"I'm sorry for frightening you before," he murmured, making Elena tilt her head. "I didn't think anyone would be coming in at that time of the morning."

"Oh, it - it's alright, it just took me by surprise," Elena replied before biting her lip, hesistant in her question. Eventually desire to know the truth took over and she allowed herself to speak. "Can I ask why you're homeless? Does your college know about it? Or... was that just a cover?"

"It was a cover. I... Just like to read."

"How - how did this happen to you, Bucky?" Elena asked softly. The man didn't answer for a moment, refusing to meet her eyes. With a little shrug and a shake of his head he finally responded.

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"We can start with something easier if you like," Elena suggested, leaning forward with hands clasped, watching as he continued to eat. He looked up at her, eyebrows raised.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that you don't have to tell me right away why you're homeless. We can start with something easier so eventually we become comfortable with one another," Elena offered, making Bucky pause. So far Elena had been the only person he had allowed to get even this close to him. He was weary to let her any closer, the trust still not there. _But you said that you wished to rejoin society_ , a voice in his head whispered. _That includes socializing_. With a little nod Bucky spoke.

"Okay then. Like what?"

"Where are you from?"

"Brooklyn. What about you?" Bucky asked.

"Sacramento," Elena replied with a small, almost sad smile that Bucky didn't miss. "What's your parents name?"

"George... I mean, James," Bucky said, quickly changing his first response when he remembered his fake persona he had previously shared with her. "James Michael Georgeson, and... Winifred. Winifred Cordelia B-Georgeson."

"Winifred? Interesting name. Are they still alive?"

"No. Died when I was young. What about your parents?"

"Gregory and Melissa. Dad was a high school gym teacher, mom was a hospital receptionist."

"Are they dead?"

"No, they're..." Elena trailed off for a moment, her eyebrows drawn together. Bucky got the feeling that she was unsure in her response, making him frown slightly. "They're not."

"Siblings?" At this question the woman smiled, perking up quickly.

"Three older brothers. They were fun," she said, before laughing to herself. "They always looked out for me and taught me a lot of stuff. How to use the monkey bars. How to fight - never needed that. How to skate. They even taught me how to free-run."

"Free-run?" Bucky questioned.

"You know, flipping and climbing and just running around all over the place doing tricks. I did gymnastics when I was a child so after watching my brothers I decided I wanted to try it out for myself. Handy when it came to escaping parties that were busted by the police," Elena grinned, making Bucky chuckle.

"That is something I wouldn't have expected from you," he admitted, making Elena shrug in a bashful manner.

"Not many people do. I don't do it much now, of course," Elena replied. Bucky nodded, taking a moment to eat before deciding to focus on something that he had picked up about Elena.

"Can... Can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"Are you in contact with your family? You speak about them in the past tense," he asked, making Elena laugh softly, running a hand through her blonde hair.

"Um... That - that's a hard question to answer," she admitted, looking at Bucky with a small, cheeky glint in her eyes. "Does that mean you'll answer my "why are you homeless" question?"

"Point taken," he replied, his lips quirking up in a little smile. "We'll leave that one alone."

"Thanks."

"Delilah, though. Can I ask how you met her?" Elena didn't reply at first, the question obviously making her a little cautious. However, she eventually nodded, clasping her hands together to stop them from fidgiting.

"I... I know what it's like to be homeless," she admitted, surprising Bucky. "Some years ago I needed a little bit of help so I came here. I met Delilah, she set me up, she helped me out. Because of her I got back on my feet. She's a good woman, Delilah."

"Thank you sweetheart," Delilah said from behind Elena, hugging the younger woman from behind before taking a seat beside her, looking at the pair with a smile. "Now, tell me who we've got here?"

"Dee, this is Bucky Georgeson. He's a friend of mine," Elena said, giving Bucky a smile that he returned. Delilah grinned, leaning close to Elena.

"A very handsome friend, too, sweetheart," she murmured, making Bucky blush and Elena shake her head. Delilah giggled, waving her hands in the air before looking over at Bucky and leaning forward. "Alright, alright. What do you need help with, son?"

"I need a place to stay," Bucky asked. "Only for a little while. I'm just... trying to find my feet."

"Most people around here are. And we do as much as we can to make that happen. I have to ask, Bucky, but do you have a criminal record? Any drug or alcohol problems? Just a security measure, some people are suited to being here but others may need more help. If that's the case, I have a friend about ten blocks away that knows how to deal with that. Very good man."

"Um, no, no. None of that."

"Okay then," Delilah nodded, turning towards Elena. "Sweetheart, you can vouch for him?"

"Of course, Dee. Bucky is a very good man, a little quiet perhaps but that's to be expected in a library," she replied, making Delilah laugh and Bucky grin. He was beginning to surprise himself, the amount of times he had smiled or laughed this morning. With a smile Delilah stood up.

"Okay then, sweets. Let me take you upstairs, I've got a room you might like."

Sitting on the seventh floor of the building located at the end of the corridor was the room Delilah was talking about. Unlocking it, Delilah led the pair into the room. It was tiny, a single bed pressed up against the wall, a sink in the corner by the foot of the bed, and a window with a fire exit opening onto a balcony outside it. There was no kind of furnature anywhere but there was a small built in closet on the other wall next to the door. Bucky ran a hand along the bed, smiling softly before turning to look at Delilah.

"It's perfect," Bucky said honestly. It was small but it would do. "Thank you, ma'am."

"It's fine, son, it's fine. When you're settled just come downstairs and we can sort out all the formalities. I'll leave you to it," Delilah said, smiling at Bucky and giving Elena a rub on her shoulder before leaving the room. As Bucky placed his things on the bed Elena moved towards the window, looking outside.

"I used to have the room below this one," she said, before turning to look at Bucky. "Do you like it?"

"I do," Bucky replied, looking over at Elena and smiling. "Thank you, by the way. For setting me up in this place. I like it."

"I'm happy to help, Bucky," Elena said, walking away from the window and towards the door. "I... I should probably go now, though. I've still got the books to put into the database. Will you be coming in later once you've settled in here?"

"Of course," Bucky nodded, watching as Elena lingered around the doorway, blue eyes on him all the while while her hand lay on the doorframe. Catching his attention, Bucky realized that her engagement ring was once more dazzling on her pale hand. "Are you all right?"

"Yes, yes," Elena nodded, breaking her gaze towards him. "I just wanted to make sure that you are all right here, that you really like it."

"I am. Trust me."

His words did not go unnoticed by Elena. She looked back up at Bucky, eyes wide in surprise at what he said. He stared back at her, the smallest of smiles on his face as he watched her pick up on what was left unsaid. _Trust me, because I trust you._ She swallowed, looked down at her feet, returned her gaze back to him. He didn't say a word, instead turning away and continuing to unpack his things. Elena smiled, looking at him one last time before turning and leaving the room. When she was gone, Bucky allowed himself to walk over to the window and look down into the street, waiting to see her again. A few moments later the blonde haired woman walked out of the building and down the road, eventually disappearing into the morning Seattle rain and out of Bucky's sight.

**_ [~] _ **


	8. - The Archrivalry -

For the first time in a long time, the constant drizzle of Seattle had stopped. Instead, the sky was clear and black, the air warmer than usual as the city slowly began to welcome Spring properly. Many people were making the most of this unusual evening, stepping outside in groups, pairs, or alone, to walk the streets without umbrellas that caught on others or raincoats that disagreed with their outfits. As the night wore on the pavements began to thin out until there was only one couple walking along the wharf. The man was talking, one arm linked together with the woman who walked beside him while she picked at the brownie in the takeaway box, listening to her fiancé speak.

They had met in California around five years ago when Elena was twenty-one. She had been at the hospital with a friend of hers after a drunken night out had ended with a broken foot. While waiting outside her friend's hospital room, Thomas had strolled past with his team of surgeons having just finished a twelve hour long surgery. He had looked at her, and although he had been exhausted, just looking at her rejuvinated him enough to start a conversation with the younger woman. By the time the sun was rising and her friend was released from hospital, Thomas had her phone number and Elena had the promise of dinner that upcoming Thursday. Since then, Elena had followed him everywhere, leaving California once she had recieved her degree and coming with him to Seattle when he got a new job. Although she found herself sometimes missing the heat of California, she was with the man she loved. And anway, the only reason she really loved California in the first place was because of the ocean, and she had that in Seattle. With a small smile Elena looked out towards the ocean, listening to the waves softly throw themselves onto the beach below.There wasn't much to see out in the darkness but every now a glitter of silver would catch the moon's light and shine in the distance. She wondered what was out there nowadays. She hadn't left Seattle in so long.

"...And then I told him that I didn't want people who brought their degree off the internet in my theatre, so he could leave and sort his shit out because obviously I wasn't going to do that, that would've killed the woman! I mean, he didn't even want me to try, said the woman was dead anyway, but I'm not fucking Strange, am I?"

"Strange?" Elena replied, being pulled out of her thoughts and turning to look up at her fiancé. He nodded, unsuspecting that she had missed a majority of what he had been saying before. She knew not to ignore his rants when it came to Strange, though. The man always got Thomas fired up, and it was up to her to calm him down by listening and replying in a correct manner, otherwise their evening would end up ruined just because of their "archrivalry."

"That man never takes risks," Thomas complained as Elena handed him the plastic fork, smiling as he stabbed a chunk of the brownie and popped it into his mouth. "He's pretty much set up shop in the comfort zone because that's how you keep your name clean in the press. I, however, push the boundaries. Can't be on the top of mount Everest if you don't make an effort to climb the damn thing." Thomas paused for a moment. "Actually, speaking of Strange, I've got more news about that convention coming up this week. You know how I'll be speaking at it?"

"Yes. Very exciting stuff, honey," Elena answered, making Thomas chuckle, a good sign.

"Isn't it just? Well, I've also learnt that I'll be one of the pannelist answering questions and talking with a few select surgeons."

"Let me guess: you're favourite surgeon buddy will be beside you on that pannel?" Elena asked, tilting her head. Thomas smiled tightly.

"Hit the nail on the head, sweetheart," he muttered, and Elena frowned. She took the fork back from him and stabbed another piece, holding it up to him. He accepted it, however his eyes were still glazed over like there was a storm in his mind. "God, that man is insufferable. Stephen fucking Strange and his fucking work and damn attitude. He's a peacock, pet, he thinks he's living some kind of Grey's Anatomy lifestyle. Such an ass. That won't matter though. Soon he'll be long gone. I've heard whispers."

"About?" Elena questioned, picking up on the change of tone in Thomas' voice. Instead of sounding annoyed, he now sounded sly, a plot obviously brewing in his mind. She found the fact that he had changed subjects slightly far more comforting than when he spoke of Strange.

"A position opening up in New York, one I know that Strange would desperately want so he can move up the ranks. If I have anything to do with it, though, he won't get it. I'm going to go for it, darling, and when I get it we'll be off to the East coast," Thomas declared, surprising Elena. It's not like she hadn't heard about this before, Thomas had never been quiet about his desire to work in New York and eventually become their head of surgery over there, it was one of the things he had told her when they had first met in California a few years ago. To hear that it may actually be happening soon, though, was shocking. She still thought it would be years before that happened.

"I'll have to leave my job at the library," Elena said, looking down at her engagement ring, the gears in her mind moving. Thomas nodded.

"Of course. You can't do it from New York."

"If that's the case then... then maybe I could find myself a job at a school over there," Elena suggested. To her disappointment, Thomas laughed.

"There'd be no need for you to be working, pet, with all the money I'd be making," he told her, taking the empty takeaway box from her hands and putting it into the bin they walked past. With a smile he took her hand in his. "You don't even have to be working right now! And yet you insist, and I let you, seeing as it makes you happy. In New York you would be free to do anything else you want."

"Its not about the money though," Elena replied, trying to keep the frustration out of her voice. She had to be careful about how she phrased her words. "It's about the joy that comes from passing knowledge onto the future and preparing them for the world ahead."

"Well, can't you just do that with our own kids?" Thomas asked simply, catching Elena off guard. She looked up at him, blinking.

"Our own kids?" She repeated. Thomas chuckled, coming to a stop and turning towards the ocean. Elena did the same, allowing her fiancé to pull her against his chest and wrap his arms around her. Gently she kissed his knuckles, looking out towards the darkness.

"I've been thinking about it recently," Thomas murmured against her hair, steel blue eyes looking down at her before rising up towards the ocean. "Seattle was never going to be a forever thing. This place is just a stepping stone towards New York. But once we get there, once we get married, then I want us to settle down properly."

"Thomas..." Elena said softly, a small smile tickling her face. Thomas chuckled, pressing a kiss against her head before turning her around to face him, both hands cupping her face gently and making her look up at him.

"I know we've had our rough patches. All couples do. But I love you so much, Elena, and to have a family with you would be amazing. Once I get that job I can provide for you and our many children. I could give you the whole world. Would you like that?" He asked, staring at her intently. Elena bit her lip, casting her eyes towards the ground.

"It sounds perfect," she smiled, stretching up and kissing him. When he pulled away he brushed a piece of her hair away from her face before lifting her hand up and kissing the engagement ring on her finger.

"There's a good pet," he whispered.

**_ [~] _ **


	9. - The Scarf -

A week had passed since Elena had brought Bucky to the shelter and in that time he felt like his life had changed for the better. He and Delilah had been getting along, Bucky helping her out with the dinner rush while Delilah sent job applications his way. His favourite so far had been a dog walking position that was on offer. It seemed that starting a new life was becoming an exciting and real prospect. One night while he lay in bed and stared up at the ceiling he thought about the compromise he had given himself a month ago: to stay or to go. Now that he had had the time to get used to Seattle, he had his answer. He would stay. He would keep helping Delilah, he would become a dog walker, he would cement his new identity as Bucky Georgeson legally, and once he had enough money he would leave the shelter and get himself his own place, a place he could call home. He would stay for the future that was now promised to him thanks to Delilah, and thanks to Elena.

He had found himself thinking more and more about Elena in that week. While his evenings were taken up helping Delilah at the shelter, his mornings always began with her. She had started coming to the shelter before the sun would rise and together the pair would walk to the library together, talking about anything and everything that wasn't deemed an off-topic question. He had learned so much about her during these mornings. Her favourite colour (blue), her favourite genre of books (romance), her dream holiday (somewhere in Europe, she wasn't fussy where). It wasn't just those facts that he had learned from her though. He had noticed other things about her that made him smile, like how she would hug Delilah whenever she had the chance, or how the tip of her tongue would stick out from between her lips when she was concentrating, or how she would look down bashfully whenever someone gave her a compliment. A moment that really stuck in his mind, however, was one where they had walked to the shelter together. The rain had began to fall and instead of ducking for cover like he had expected, she had let her head fall back and allowed the rain to wash down her face, a small smile on her face. It was this image of her that he always found himself thinking about every night before he went to sleep and once again when he would wake up.

"World War Two again, huh?" A voice said, a sound of comfort to him now. Looking up he locked eyes with Elena who had taken a seat at his table. She was dressed differently today than what she had recently been wearing to accommodate the recent hot weather Seattle had been having. Her usual spring dresses had been replaced by a pencil skirt, a pink longsleeve button up shirt, and a colourful scarf that she had wrapped around her neck. Her hair was out too, different from her usual loose bun style. He liked it, though. Her hair was longer than he first thought and it hung in thick, golden tendrils down her back. "Haven't you already read that one?"

"I have. I've finished them all," Bucky admitted, a crooked smile on his face. "The ones that I need, that is."

"About Captain America?" Elena asked with a frown.

"Yeah," Bucky replied. "Do you have anything that's been recently published?"

"Book-wise, no," Elena told him before smiling and getting to her feet. "However, there's a lot of information covering the super soldier online."

"Online?"

"The internet. On the computers," she said simply. When she looked back and found a blank expression on Bucky's face, she paused, tilting her head to the side. "Have - Have you never used a computer before?"

Bucky's lack of answer was answer enough for Elena, who had enough control of her face to hide the surprise she was feeling. Just looking at the man made Elena aware of how he was feeling at that moment, the frown and downcast eyes indicating embarresment. Leaning across the table Elena held her hand out, getting his attention.

"I can help with that," she smiled. "Come with me."

A few minutes later the pair were downstairs near the help desk, sitting in front of one of those screens Bucky had noticed when he had first turned up at the library. When Elena had brought the screen to life and began to show him how to use it, Bucky's jaw had nearly fallen open. He found it difficult to listen to what she was saying, a funny feeling taking over his body. It was stronger than happiness. It might've been joy, an overwhelming amazement at what he was witnessing. He thought of a memory, one that had resurfaced quite early on since he left HYDRA. He was at a large event with Steve and two nameless women and in front of him, the technology of the future. What he was witnessing in front of him right now made him feel the exact same way he had once felt at that event. _The world has definitely advanced since then. How much of it have I missed out on?_ Bucky didn't let that thought bother him too much. He was catching up now.

"...And that's how you use the computer. Now we'll just go onto the internet... here we go!" Elena finished with a florish, beaming at Bucky who returned her grin. Staring at the screen, he watched as Elena began to type and navigate her way around the computer. Eventually she found what she was looking for, bringing up an entirely new page on the computer. "I think this'll be to your liking. A few months ago all these files were leaked online about Captain America and SHIELD and HYDRA. Nobody was expecting it and it seriously threw the government off guard. Since then there's been all these arguments about whether Cap knew that SHIELD had been infiltrated by HYDRA and if he and all the SHIELD agents actually were HYDRA-"

"They're not," Bucky interrupted with a frown, the very idea ridiculous. A vision crossed his mind, a crescendo of chaos moving around him all metal and glass, above him an endless sky, below a river of cold. Then there was him, the man, the one who said that he was with Bucky till the end of the line. There was no way that man was related to HYDRA in such a way. "Steve - Cap isn't."

"That's what a majority of the public believe too. As if the man who sacrificed himself to save America was a HYDRA agent, that's absurd," Elena replied, shaking her head and scrunching up her face at the thought. Eyes reading the pages showcased in front of him, Bucky suddenly realized that he was not the only one reading this material.

"Have you read much of it?" He asked, fidgeting slightly in his seat.

"Not really," Elena shrugged, eyes still on the screen. "Only bits and pieces that I've heard on the news."

"What do you think of HYDRA?"

"Bad news. I dislike the idea of a resurgance in Nazi ideals, and HYDRA was a branch of Nazism, so no thanks."

"What...What about the Winter Soldier?" Bucky's voice had dropped at the mention of his past name, eyes moving away from the screen and towards Elena who was still scrolling through the different files.

"That one..." Elena paused, eyebrows furrowed in thought. "That one I know even less about than HYDRA. I mean, I've heard the arguments on the news. He was an assassin who's killed a lot of people, but apparently he was tortured into doing those things, including the stuff that happened in Washington. Apparently he was Captain America's best friend, which I find a little puzzling because shouldn't he be dead? Then again, this world is full of surprises. I mean, we had aliens in New York only a few years ago -" At the mention of New York, Elena paused once again, muttering to herself, "I don't know why Thomas wants to move there, now that I think about it."

"Do you think the Winter Soldier is a bad person?" Bucky stared at Elena, reading her facial expression carefully. It didn't change much and Bucky was unsure if that was a good or bad thing. When she looked towards him he wondered if she could read his own expression. Could she see the truth in his eyes? After a moment of thought and eye contact that neither person had broken, Elena licked her lips and once again shrugged softly.

"I don't think so. If the arguments are true, then the things he did were past his control. That was all HYDRA. If anything, I'd say he's a victim. It's quite sad, isn't it? To be stuck in a place that you can't escape, to be tortured into submission, and then to be called evil or weak because you can't get out of it...." She frowned, looking down at her lap, before looking back towards him and smiling sadly. "I'm not sure, though, Bucky. That's just my opinion on it based on the very limited information I have about him. Literature, mostly fiction, is my area, history not so much. It's enticing to study though, isn't it? I think I'll have to read up on the subject some time."

With that, Elena left Bucky to read, returning to her work. Bucky watched her walk away, letting out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. He felt a calmness seep into him as he thought over the words she had said, his muscles relaxing. He had been wondering if she could read him, could see the history in his eyes, but in the end that didn't even matter that she didn't. What took him by surprise was how much her answer meant to him. It had touched him, hearing her put into words the things he had felt. It lifted a weight off his shoulders when she pointed something out that he had never thought of himself: he was a _victim_. Not an assassain, not a weapon, not a monster. _A victim_. The guilt inside was lessoning when he thought about everything he had gone through. Was it his fault? It couldn't be. She said it wasn't, and in his heart he took her words for gospel. They meant so much to him. _She does too,_ a soft whisper echoed inside his mind. With a slight frown at that thought, he turned back towards the screen and started to read.

**~*~*~*~**

"Elena?"

The library had grown quiet as the night had closed in and more and more people began to leave. Only a handful of people occupied their level but soon it would grow smaller as both Elena and Bucky were preparing to leave.

"Yes, Bucky?" Elena replied, looking over at Bucky from the help desk as she gathered her things.

"Could you help me turn off the computer? I don't know how..."

"Oh, yes, of course," Elena smiled, walking over to the man with her handbag on one shoulder. She didn't sit down next to him, instead leaning over beside him as she started to shut down the computer. Occasionally, she would brush against his shoulder. Swallowing, Bucky tried to push back the fact that they were incredibly, physically close. He was close enough to smell the perfume she wore, a fruity, flowery concoction that cut through the library smell. He was close enough to see that her scarf actually had little sparkles sewn into the material that was coloured red, green, silver, purplish-blue-

With a frown, Bucky realized that the purplish-blue colour he was staring at was not part of the scarf at all. Reaching up slowly, Bucky pulled the scarf down slightly before he could stop himself. What he saw shocked him almost as much as Bucky's action shocked Elena. Jumping back, Elena stared down at the man who seemed utterly perplexed by what he had seen

"What - What are you doing, Bucky?!" Elena exclaimed, one hand cupping the side of her neck. Blinking, Bucky looked up at her, eyebrows drawn together.

"Your neck..."

"It's nothing-"

"Those - Those were _bruises_. What happened?" Bucky asked, standing up.

"I'm fine, Bucky," Elena replied, but she began to hurry towards the escalators with her things. Shoving his journals into his bag he quickly rushed after her, eventually catching up with her just outside the library.

"Were you choked?!" He asked, his initial shock beginning to fade, now being replaced with a growing anger. Elena shook her head, ignoring his question as she continued to walk. "Elena, who hurt you-"

"Leave it, Bucky. Please. I'm - I'm fine. Really. Now, I - I have to go," Elena stammered, refusing to look at him as he walked quickly beside her. Bucky frowned, staring at her in confusion. He knew what a choked neck looked like, and the terror that was in Elena's eyes when he had first noticed it was something she could not try to hide now.

"But-"

"Bye, Bucky," Elena cut him off, finally looking at him. There was steel in her blue eyes, like a door she had brought down between them. Without another word she walked off and, watching with sad, perplexed eyes, Bucky let her go.

_**[~]** _


	10. - Sting -

He couldn't sleep.

As the evening closed in and brought with it rumbling clouds and heavy rain, Bucky could not bring himself to sleep. He lay in bed staring at the ceiling above, noticing that the brush strokes were actually quite terrible and that some patches were lighter than others and the brusing around Elena's neck had patches of colour to it as well and he could _not stop thinking about her_. Scratch that. He could not stop _worrying_ about her, because at least when he was _thinking_ about her they were always happier thoughts, like how she hummed as she worked or how her favourite time of the day is between the hours of 7am to 9am when the world is beginning to come alive. Thinking about her was better than worrying, and he had never had to worry about her before. He thought she was okay. He thought she was safe.

Every time he closed his eyes he could only see those bruises. He was familiar with bruises. He had both given and recieved them as freely as gifts. However, they were not the kind of gift that he ever wanted Elena to recieve. Thinking about the person who had been hurting her made Bucky's blood boil, a darkness sweeping over his mind that he had to constantly push back. It was a slippery slope back into that mindset, one he had fought tooth and nail to conquer. But she was hurting. She was his friend and she was hurting.

With a frown Bucky sat up, throwing his legs out of bed and rubbing his face with both hands. Friend. He thought of her as a friend, and that in itself was another worry that was beginning to knaw at his mind. He wanted to help her, to protect her from the monster that was hurting her, but he knew the implications that could come with him getting too close to her. While he had been free of them for over a month now, Bucky knew that HYDRA was still out there somewhere. If they found him and realized how he felt about Elena, she would be too close to danger. He couldn't let himself get too close, and while he didn't want to admit it, protecting her from her abuser was getting too close. But he couldn't ignore the bruises. He couldn't ignore her pain, even if she ignored it herself.

Walking over to the window Bucky peered outside into the street. It looked as though the world outside had been submerged, the street a swirling pattern of water, rubbish, and leaves. Swallowing, he opened the window, the fierce noise of the storm instantly filling his room. Ducking under the opened window, Bucky stepped out onto the balcony and stood with his face turned up towards the sky. The rain felt like sharp slaps against his skin but he did not care. _Cleanse_ , he thought, his hair sticking to his face. _Take these worries away. She said she was okay. Don't go meddling in things that don't concern you_. But not even the rain could wash those thoughts away. With a sigh Bucky lowered his head, leaning against the railing in front of him. The rain would not cleanse him tonight. Instead it would show him the truth which was this: He _had_ to meddle. He had to get close. He had to become something he didn't think was possible, something he did not see himself as. Looking out into the street Bucky swallowed, clenching the railing so tight it left a dent.

"Rebirth," he murmured under his breath, the word strange in his mouth. After a few minutes mulling over these thoughts the rain began to slow until eventually it stopped, drops of water dripping off the end of his hair. _Baptism over_ , he thought as he began to climb back into his room. _The attacker is dead. Let the protector take its place. For her. For her._

//

"Elena-"

"I can't talk, Bucky. I'm much too busy."

She had been acting like this since he had come into the library. She had been too busy to see him when he had stopped at her desk. She had been too busy to talk to him around the bookshelves. She had even been too busy to look him in the eyes, something that he couldn't help but feel a little hurt by. Yesterday she had been so comfortable around him, now she was like some kind of flighty animal, always jumping in his presence. It was an action that made him think about the fear people emitted when he was the Winter Soldier, but even then they had looked at him with terror in their eyes. She never even glanced at his face.

Despite her actions, however, Bucky knew that she was not scared of him. Her actions were not out of fear but out of anxiety, knowing that he knew her secret now. He didn't understand it, in truth. He was sure that she knew he came with no bad intentions, just a desire to help and protect her from whoever was hurting her. He had spent some time thinking about this as he sat at his usual desk, glancing towards her whenever she had to come up onto his level of the library. _Why does she want to lie about what's going on? Who is she protecting? And why?_

That was what he had asked her when the library was about to close for the night, their floor of the library almost absent of other souls. When she had told him that she wasn't lying about anything, that she was protecting no one, that there was nothing going on, he had pressed. Elena had cut him off, though, and now the blonde woman was briskly walking across the floor back towards the help desk, several books in her arms.

"Too busy? It's the end of the day, Elena," Bucky argued, standing on one side of the desk while Elena walked around to the other, putting the books down and typing away at her computer.

"Work doesn't just stop at the end of the day, Bucky," she replied, eyebrows furrowed in slight irritation at his constant questions. Bucky frowned, shaking his head.

"Elena-"

"Just go, Bucky."

"No."

"Bucky-"

"Who's hurting you, Elena?" Bucky asked, staring at the smaller blonde woman. He tilted his head to the side, trying to catch a glimpse of her face that she had bent down towards her desk. "Who did this to you? Are they keeping you captive? Why don't you call the police-"

"Police?" At that Elena scoffed and Bucky saw her lip curl up in disgust. "What the hell could they do to help? And anyway, I don't _need_ their help, there's nothing to be helped. It's... It's not that simple."

"It is. If you just tell me what's happening-"

"Nothing is happening, Bucky! Jesus, can't - can't you just leave it alone?" Elena snapped, finally looking up at him. There was a fire in her eyes that Bucky hadn't seen before, but he looked past the ice blue flames. Behind the facade of anger and irritation he saw what she was hiding: fear, not of him, but of the subject they were talking about. _It seems that I'm not the only one who didn't want to get too close to someone,_ Bucky thought with a frown.

"Elena," Bucky murmured, but Elena shook her head

"Bucky, please, stop asking," she said. "Just leave me alone."

"But-"

"Leave me alo-" Suddenly she cut off and Bucky noticed that her eyes were no longer on his face. They were looking past him, almost through him as though he wasn't even there. Arm hair prickling, Bucky looked over his shoulder at the person who had turned Elena's skin a ghostly shade of white. Tall and lean, wearing sharp navy blue trousers and a long trenchcoat, graying hair swept back off his face and a smile that faltered at the sight of Bucky, a man was walking over to them. Walking around the desk, Bucky watched as Elena made a beeline towards the man, colour returning to her face and a cheerful smile joining it.

"Hello darling!" the blonde woman cooed, planting a kiss on the face of the man whose silver-steel eyes had not left Bucky's form. "You're here early."

"No traffic. Who's - who's this, pet?" The man asked as Elena took his hand and led him towards the desk. With a small glance at Bucky, Elena smiled, placing the books underneath the desk and grabbing her bag.

"Just a visitor. I was just helping him with the returns," Elena said simply. The man, whose gaze was now locked with Bucky's, raised an eyebrow.

"Really? People need help with returning books these days, huh?" He murmured, making Bucky clench his fists. Straightening, Elena stared up at the taller man with a stern frown.

"Thomas," she warned. Looking down at her the man - Thomas - smiled stiffly before looking back at Bucky who was still frozen, eyebrows drawn together. Clearing his voice Thomas spoke,

"Right, sorry," he apologized, although Bucky believed that the apology was aimed more at Elena than it was towards himself. He held out his hand towards Bucky. "Thomas Byron."

"Bucky Georgeson," Bucky replied, shaking his hand firmly, something that made Thomas wince slightly before the pair quickly let go.

"And are... are you a regular here, Mr Georgeson?" Thomas asked as he made a point at wiping his hand on his coat, looking him up and down. "Do you know Elena quite well?"

"I..." At this question Bucky looked towards Elena, whose wide eyes had flickered towards Bucky's face. She stared at him, mouth slightly parted, lips quivering. He realized that whatever answer he gave would not be sufficiant for Thomas, that it could do more damage than good. Realizing this, Bucky turned his gaze back towards Thomas, forehead scrunched up and teeth biting down slightly on his tongue. He saw the bruises on Elena's neck, saw her pale face at Thomas' entry, Thomas' stiff smile. " _You.._."

"He is, Thomas, darling," Elena answered quickly, taking hold of Thomas' arm and gazing up at him adoringly. "He spends his day here, doesn't have a job. He's homeless."

"Oh!" At this all tension in Thomas' body seemed to flood out and he stared at Bucky with a look of arrogance masked in pity, a cruel smile on his face. "Oh, how _unfortunate_. Well, here you are then, Mr Georgeson."

Grabbing his wallet Thomas pulled out a fifty dollar note and handed it over to Bucky who - after recieving a nervous look from Elena - recieved it begrudgingly.

"For a haircut and some food, perhaps?" Thomas said, looking Bucky up and down once more in a manner that made Bucky feel like he was going to deflate in on himself. Before, that look had been one of competitiveness, just a male sizing up another male. Now, though, with Elena's revelation to Thomas that he was both jobless and homeless, the older man stared at him with a highly superior gaze. Suddenly Bucky didn't feel as normal as he had been feeling of late. Instead, he just felt like shit. Finally looking away from Bucky, Thomas stared down at Elena who had wrapped her arm around his. "Are you ready to go, pet?"

"Yes, yes," Elena nodded. With a smile, Thomas cupped her face in his hand and leaned down, kissing her gently with eyes staring at Bucky, before pulling away. Bucky watched as his hand drifted down, resting gently against the material of Elena's scarf that was wrapped around her neck. A red hot flash passed over Bucky. He wanted to kill him.

"Goodbye, Mr Georgeson," Thomas said and Bucky looked at him with pure hatred in his eyes. Thomas didn't seem fussed by it at all, instead smirking as he laced Elena's arm with his and began walking. Elena looked over her shoulder at Bucky with a small frown.

"Bye, Bucky," she said softly. Bucky didn't reply, instead watching as she turned back towards Thomas who had started talking once more.

"My pet, you would not believe what crap Strange has been talking about now..." His voice faded as they disappeared around a corner and Bucky was left standing alone. His worry had doubled now that he knew the face of Elena's abuser - a fiance she supposedly loved, a fiance that was supposed to love her back. However, her comment and Thomas' look had left a painful sting that he couldn't surpress. When a security guard eventually came by and said that the library was being emptied out, Bucky allowed himself to be led outside. In the city of Seattle, a place he believed would bring him a fresh start, Bucky had never felt more insignificant in this new world than he did in that moment. Swallowing back the pain that was aching in his chest, Bucky slowly made his way back to the shelter.

_**[~]** _


	11. - Delilah's Tale -

He had gone to bed early. A cloud had been hanging over him since he had left the library and instead of letting it hang over the dining room of the shelter, he had told Delilah that he had fallen sick so was going to retire early that night. Sleep did not come to him easily, though, and when it did it brought with it the regular nightmares intercut with new fears. Strapped into the chair he had been waiting for the next part, the worst part, but instead there had been a stall. Next thing he knew Elena was standing a distance away in a pretty white dress, staring at him with fear in her eyes. He didn't know if it was directed at him - his shirt was off and his disgusting arm visible - or if it was at the machine he was in. Before he could ask what she was doing there, she let out a scream that echoed his own. Like flowers blooming in spring, red and purple bruises florished against her white skin, blood flowing from cuts and out of her nose and mouth. He saw shadows in the background, some that looked familiar, others that didn't. They did not move despite the fact that Elena had crumpled to the ground. They didn't say a word as Bucky struggled against his restraints. Eventually the arms of the machine came down, enclosing his face, and then his world was ignited in electricity and pain.

When he woke the world was still asleep outside. Slick with sweat and breathing heavily, Bucky got out of bed and grabbed a longsleeve sweater, pulling it on as he made his way to the door. He couldn't stay in his room a moment longer. And anyway, he was hungry. With silent footsteps he made his way downstairs to the dining hall, sneaking into the kitchen and heading towards the fridge. It wasn't until he heard a freezer door close that he realize he wasn't alone. Shoulders tense, he froze in place, listening intently as footsteps began to come towards him. However, humming cut through the silence and Bucky realized who was awake at this early hour.

"Oh, Lord!"

Delilah almost jumped out of her skin when she saw Bucky standing in the middle of the kitchen, dropping the loaves of frozen bread she had. Before they could hit the floor, though, Bucky snatched them out of the air, holding them out apologetically towards Delilah who accepted them.

"Son, what are you doing up so early? I thought you were sick, you should be in bed sleeping," Delilah said, putting the items on the counter and staring up at the young man. Bucky frowned, rubbing his face tiredly.

"I, um, I was hungry," he mumbled. Delilah chuckled, turning towards the pantry.

"Sit down by the island, son. I'll fix you up something while I get the rest of breakfast cooked too," she told him. Doing as she said, Bucky watched as Delilah danced from one area of the kitchen to another.

"Where are the others? I always see you making breakfast with other people," Bucky asked as she whisked eggs in a bowl.

"I do the prep beforehand. The others will be down to help in half an hour and take over while I sort the dining room out," Delilah explained with a smile. After a few short minutes Delilah had a plate of scrambled eggs and toast in front of him. "Can't have you spoiling your proper breakfast. Call this an entree."

"Thank you," Bucky said, beginning to eat. As Delilah returned to her prep work Bucky felt himself becoming calmer by the minute. His nightmare had faded, too far away to catch him now. However, he could still see Elena covered in blood and bruises. He frowned, putting his knife and fork down. "Delilah, ma'am. I... I was wondering if you could tell me more about Elena."

"I thought you two were friends?" Delilah asked from the other side of the room as she cracked eggs into a bowl.

"We are. Well, actually, I only met her a few weeks ago, but I want to know more about her past," Bucky replied. "She doesn't say much about it, like how she ended up here."

"Oh, honey, that..." Delilah trailed off, looking over at him with a slight frown. "That sounds like too private a matter for me to be discussing. Perhaps she isn't ready to go into those details of her life-"

"I'm worried for her," Bucky interrupted. Delilah put the eggs down, coming over to where Bucky was sitting.

"What do you mean, son?"

"I saw bruises on her neck. She tried to hide them with a scarf but it slipped and I saw them. When I asked her about it she said that she was fine, that it was nothing. I don't believe her," Bucky told her. Delilah's eyes, which had been narrowed as she listened to his worries intently, were now wide with shock. She shook her head, one hand placed on her chest as though it would calm her beating heart.

"Oh, my. Oh, Lord," she murmured, sitting down in the chair opposite Bucky. Pushing his food to the side, Bucky leaned forward in his seat, eyebrows furrowed and a need to know the truth set in his blue eyes.

"What happened, Delilah?" He asked gently. The older woman looked at him, face crumpled in hesitation. Eventually she let out a sigh, clasping her hands on the table and beginning to tell her tale.

"A few years ago Elena came to the shelter. She was hurt bad, a broken collarbone and heavy bruising. You don't have to be a genius to know what problems she had been having. Seemed like she had had enough of that treatment, though. She came to me for help. I told her that she should go to the police but she was too afraid. Didn't have much trust in the police, and she was nervous about what he would do when he found out. All she wanted was to start her life again. At first things seemed to be going well. Once she was healed up properly she moved out of the shelter into a small apartment and was looking for a job as a teacher. Last time I heard from her for awhile until we bumped into each other in the street. We got in contact again. I was under the impression that she was fine and life was good. She said it was."

"Did she ever tell you who the man was that kept assaulting her?" Bucky asked. Delilah nodded slightly.

"No name," she explained. "She said that he was a doctor. A surgeon, I think. Very high ranking, one of the reasons why she was terrified of going to the police. She didn't want that media storm following her."

"Thomas Byron," Bucky said in a low voice, the older man's face flashing in front of his eyes. He clenched his fists tightly while Delilah leaned forward, eyebrows furrowed.

"Is that his name?" She asked with worry.

"Yes. I thought it was strange..." 

"What was strange?"

"When we came here I noticed that Elena had taken off her engagement ring," Bucky explained, making Delilah gasp and jump back, eyes wide in horror.

"Engaged?! To that man?!" she cried, shaking her head. "Oh, my poor baby. I should've known! I should've done more for her. I thought she was okay, though, that she had gotten her life together. She said that she had gotten back into contact with her family - Thomas cut her off from her life in California the moment they moved to Seattle. Oh, she's been alone all this time? My poor child, I thought she had left him for good, but she must've been too scared."

"She was stuck," Bucky said slowly, thinking about the day he had first seen her bruises. It was before the scarf had fallen, when he had asked her opinion on the Winter Soldier, on himself.  _He's a victim,_ she had said. _It's quite sad, isn't it? To be stuck in a place that you can't escape, to be tortured into submission, and then to be called evil or weak because you can't get out of it._  "She was stuck in a place that she couldn't escape from. She... was tortured into submission by him."

"That's how it usually goes in these situations, honey," Delilah said sadly, shaking her head once more before standing up and walking back over to her bench. Bucky watched as Delilah began to crack eggs with more force than before. "And then people have the audacity to call them weak for going back, or for not knowing how to get out of it properly. It takes a lot for someone like Elena to leave a situation like that and never return. It's difficult taking those first steps."

"It is," Bucky murmured. "But I'm going to help her."

"You are?" Delilah asked. She said it without judgement, without hesitation. It was filled with curiousity. "How, darling? These are delicate situations, son. You can't force her to do something she does not want to do. Makes you no better than him."

"I don't know," Bucky admitted, going back to his food. "But she helped me. I want to help her too."

"You're a good man, Bucky," Delilah said. "I'll see if I can talk some sense into her, but if you figure something out then act on it, okay? She's a sweet girl."

"She is," he murmured. "And she deserves to be free."

~*~*~

It was easy to break into a place he had previously lived in. As silent as a shadow and as invicible as his own personal ghosts, Bucky made his way through the library and towards the reception, avoiding the security and cameras with minimal effort. It took slightly longer than what he had hoped for - he wasn't familiar with their filing order - but eventually he found what he was looking for: worker's records. Writing down the information, Bucky put the file away and disappeared out of the library.

That night, after helping Delilah with the dinner rush, he made his way towards a small neighbourhood section of the city. Walking the streets he found the house that he was looking for. A modern wood and glass creation, the two story building sat on top of a small bank fenced off by a small row of trimmed hedges, stone stairs leading up towards the front door. The lights inside were all on, revealing an open plan living room through the front windows. For a moment Bucky thought that maybe only Thomas was currently home, his black car sitting glossy in the driveway. However, she eventually walked into view. Dressed in a long sleeved baby blue jumper and white cotton trousers, she was only there for a moment before disappearing into the next room. Bucky had seen her smile, though. She was okay.  _For now_ , a small voice whispered.

Delilah said not to pressure her, and Bucky agreed with the older woman. Elena had told him to stop bringing it up, so he would do that too. But he couldn't sleep knowing that everytime she was in that house there was a chance Thomas would hurt her again. So, with insomnia in tow, he would watch, hidden from view, across the road from her house. He knew in his head that it was weird to be waiting outside her house, however he would never forgive himself if something happened to her and he was not around to prevent it. 

For a week he watched every night, hoping that she was okay, before leaving in the morning as soon as she did and making his way back to the shelter to sleep. For a week Thomas did not lift a hand against her.

But then, one morning, he did.

**_ [~] _ **


	12. - The Protector -

She wanted to talk to him. 

Standing in the bathroom and brushing her hair while Thomas slept, Elena had stared at her reflection with a tilted head. The bruises on her neck had started to clear up now, leaving yellow splotches that were easily hidden with the right foundation. As they had faded so too had Elena's desperation to keep Bucky at arms length. She would never admit this to Thomas - his jealousy had a sting to it that she knew too well - but she really liked Bucky. She found him intriguing. She found him sweet.

For a whole week Elena hadn't said a word to him, nor he to her, and it was beginning to take its toll on her. She hadn't realized how much contact that pair had had with one another this past month until it was gone. She had missed helping him navigate the library, the books, the computers. She had missed their small talk. She had missed hearing his voice, soft and gentle and sometimes a little unsure but still overwhelmingly kind. She had thought he was a little odd the first time she had met him but eventually that oddness gave way and she was able to see a little more of his personality. He was thirsty for knowledge, always reading about World War Two and everything to do with it. He was considerate, as she had witnessed those times she had met up with him at the shelter while Thomas was away for his convention. Sometimes he was funny, although she had never seen him laugh without restraint. There was something about him that made Elena think that he was hiding from her, although she put that down to shyness and perhaps a hard life. Despite this mystery, though, she really liked him. She wanted to be his friend again. So she had decided that she would talk to him. She would leave for work early, stopping by at the shelter to see him, to apologize for avoiding him before asking him to drop his questioning about her personal life. They could find a balance. She was sure.

Putting the finishing touches on her neck and checking her outfit in the mirror - a simple white button up shirt tucked into a pair of navy blue slacks - Elena had made her way downstairs only to find that Thomas had woken up while she had gotten ready. He stood in the kitchen making breakfast, looking up at her with a smile when she had entered.

"Morning, pet," he said. Elena paused before returning the smile, walking into the kitchen.

"Good morning," she replied, kissing his cheek before pulling away and opening the fridge.

"Pass out the eggs, darling," he asked as she grabbed herself a pre-made smoothie. She did as he asked, handing the eggs over to him before closing the fridge and going back into the dining room, finding her handbag and putting the smoothie in her bag. She knew that Thomas' eyes were on her the entire time and it wasn't long before he asked the question that she had been dreading.

"Where are you going?"

"Work," she replied, picking up her handbag and beginning to make her way into the living room. Her response wasn't enought for Thomas, who followed her into the living room where she was taking her keys off the coffee table and heading towards the door. She was almost there when he spoke once more.

"Hold it."

She heard his footsteps come closer, felt him standing behind her. He didn't have to ask her to turn around, she did it automatically, allowing him to use the metal tongs in his hand to lift her chin up.

"Quite early, isn't it? To be heading off to work?" He said. "Have you got things to finish off?"

"Yes. M-More books to catalogue. I fell behind yesterday so I thought I'd go in early to finish them off," Elena replied, looking up into Thomas' grey eyes, even managing a small smile that he returned.

"Well, let me drop you off. I'll just get changed-"

"No," Elena said, a little too quickly for her taste. She swallowed, shaking her head and putting a soft hand on his chest. "No, sweetheart. It's your day off. You should be sleeping in, or finish making yourself a hot breakfast. Don't put that off because of me."

Turning around, Elena made to unlock the door and head out, but suddenly she felt a hand entangle itself in her hair and pull her backwards. With a gasp Elena winced as she fell back against Thomas' body.

"Where are you sneaking off to, pet?" he hissed, making Elena shake her head as much as she could without hurting herself.

"I-I'm not sneaking, Thomas, please, you're hurting me-"

"Only the new books get catalogued, you've told me that before, and the new books came in two weeks ago. The next usual shipment doesn't come in for another two weeks. Why are you lying to me?" He snapped, letting go of her hair and pushing her away from him. Holding the back of her head and turning around, Elena started backing towards the stairs.

"I-I'm not lying, Thomas, darling," Elena stammered, watching as Thomas' lips curled in disgust, following her.

"Say it again, then, pet. To my face, right now. Look me in the eyes," he said. Elena frowned, bottom lip beginning to tremble that she had to bite down on to stop. With a deep breathe she stared at him, blue eyes meeting grey.

"I am going into work - I promise - to catalogue some books."

They were still, Thomas staring down at her, Elena looking up at him. There was no emotion on Thomas' face, making Elena's heart hammer against her chest. She knew she had to keep an equally straight and stony expression on her face, to not reveal anything to him, but she was never good at hiding things from Thomas. He scared her too much. Her bottom lip began to tremble once more, her eyes flickering towards the front door. With a shake of his head Thomas sighed.

"God damnit, Elena," he sighed, before hitting her across the face with the tongs. The metal sliced her cheek on contact, making her gasp and stumble backwards against the stairs. Elena watched as Thomas chucked them aside, moving towards her, and with a choked sob Elena spun around and began racing up the stairs on all fours. She didn't get very far, Thomas grabbing her ankle and walking up before he was standing over her.

"Thomas, please -" a sharp slap to the face cut her off and she pressed herself against the wall, trying to make herself as small as possible as Thomas stood up and over her. 

"You've always been a terrible liar, pet," he said. "I thought I taught you better than to lie. Are you going to tell me what you were going to do?"

One hand pressed against her cheek to stem the bleeding, the other scratching at the wall, Elena did not speak, refusing to meet his eyes. She saw his feet in front of her, could imagine his steel grey eyes clouding over in a storm. 

"Thomas, I.. I wasn't-"

A painful kick to her chest sent her tumbling down the stairs and she felt a crack in her wrist that ran up the length of her arm, almost making her bite off her tongue in pain. Pulling herself up from the ground where she lay sprawled, Elena could not stop the tears from flowing down her cheeks or the small sobs that left her bleeding lips.

"Please, Thomas, I beg you -" she sobbed, shuffling back on her knees into the living room, watching as he approached her with anger burning in his eyes.

"Who were you going off to meet?" He demanded, kicking her again. She fell back but continued shuffling away from him, shaking her head as she cried. " _Who were you going off to meet?!_ "

"Thomas,  _please_ , I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Elena replied, back pressed up against the coffee table. He leaned down, grabbing her by the throat and lifting her up to her feet.

"I could give you the world. Everything you ever fucking wanted. What can this other person give you? What the fuck makes this person so fucking special?! Who were you going to meet, you ungrateful bitch?!" he spat in her face, making her shake and turn her head away, salt water mixing with blood. " _Who is it, Elena?!_ "

A sound like cracking thunder filled her ears and the next thing Elena knew she was kneeling on the ground gasping for air. Raising her head she saw that Thomas was struggling to his feet a short distance away, eyes looking away from her. She turned her head towards the source of his gaze, growing pale.

"Bucky?!" She croaked. At the mention of his name he moved, coming to stand between her and Thomas, eyes never leaving her fiancé who was once again on his feet. There was a stream of blood pouring from his nose but that didn't seem to bother him. With wild grey eyes he stared at Bucky and slowly began to laugh.

"Oh my God," he drawled, shaking his head as Elena stood on shaking legs, pacing back and forth between the living room and the kitchen. "Oh my  _fucking_ God. The  _homeless_ man?! Him, really?! What a fucking joke. So this was who you were going to go fuck around with. Jesus Christ, Elena, what kind of whore are you? To fuck a homeless man. I've given you everything here, I could give you so much more, and yet you'd rather shack up with him?! Nobody's off the table for you, huh, pet?"

"Thomas, please, calm down," Elena cried, stepping in front of Bucky and holding her uninjured arm up towards Thomas. "I haven't done anything with Bucky! I don't even know why he's here! I promise you, it's only you, darling, it's only you-"

"I thought that too, and yet..." Thomas sighed, shaking his head once more before looking up at her. Elena realized he now had a knife clasped in his hand. "The whole world."

It only took one step towards her with fire in his eyes for Bucky to move again. It was quick, like a sharp breeze, and suddenly Thomas was flying through the air, landing heavily on the table which buckled beneath him. Before Elena could say a word Bucky was on top of him, fists landing blow after blow against his face. The shock that had frozen her in place melted away and with a scream she raced into the dining room. He didn't seem to notice, his blue eyes glazed over. It was like he wasn't even there inside.

"Bucky, stop it! Stop it, please! Bucky!" Elena screamed, ultimately jumping forward and grabbing his arm. He spun around to look at her and for a moment Elena felt her heart jump up into her throat at the wild look on his face. Slowly, though, his features softened and he lowered his arm, blinking slowly. He looked down at Thomas and - seeing how bloody and bruised his face now was - quickly stood up, stepping away from him and towards her.

"Are you okay? Elena?" He asked, but Elena shook her head, tears spilling down her face as she knelt down beside Thomas who was unresponsive.

"What are you doing here?! Why are you here?! You've hurt him!" She cried, one hand brushing against Thomas' hair.

"He hurt you," Bucky breathed, kneeling down beside her. She shook her head, trying to pay no mind to him, but he continued to speak. "Elena, you have to leave him. Look at what he was going to do to you. He would've killed you. You have to leave him."

"No! No, you've ruined everything!" she shouted, looking up at him. "You don't understand, he loves me! He loves me and he takes care of me and -" she broke off, choking, and with a sob she shook her head. "- and  _I've got no one else_. It's my fault, I lied to him, I upset him. I was going to come see you, Bucky, and I lied to him. What kind of wife - fiancée - lies -"

"Listen to me," Bucky said, gently pressing a gloved hand against her bleeding cheek and capturing her attention, blue eyes meeting. " _It's not your fault._  And you're not alone. You have Delilah. You have me. We're here for you, Elena, and we're worried for you, with good reason too."

Elena didn't reply, turning away from him and closing her tear-stained eyes. With a frown Bucky stood up and went into the kitchen, grabbing the phone. Softly Elena heard him speaking into it, the word "police" ringing in her ears. After a moment he returned to where he had been.

"You have to leave," he murmured. She didn't speak for a moment, didn't look at him. Eventually, though, she let out a sigh.

"You don't understand, Bucky," she said softly, cradling her injured arm against her stomach, eyes locked on Thomas before slowly looking up at Bucky. "You... you don't understand."

"I do. I know just as well as you what it's like to live on a leash held by terrifying people," he admitted, making Elena frown at this revelation. "But believe me, Elena, life is better when you're free to make your own choices, your own mistakes, without having those people ruling every aspect of your life."

She didn't reply and he didn't press on. Eventually, when the sound of police sirens came near, Bucky stood up. He looked down at Elena who didn't move, his eyes filled with sadness.

"I'm here for you, Elena," he said gently, before walking into the kitchen and out the back door. Thirty seconds later the police arrived and it was like Bucky hadn't been there at all.

**_ [~] _ **


	13. - Sanctuary -

It was on the news a few days later. It was in the papers.  _Local legend surgeon in hospital after assault_ headlines were eventually followed by  _Disgraced surgeon charged with domestic abuse._ It seemed that Elena had pressed charges after all. He hadn't seen her since the attack, though, and that had been two weeks ago. He wasn't completely in the dark, though. Delilah had visited the hospital every day, updating him on how she was doing as soon as she would return to the shelter.

"Poor baby," she had cried when she had returned from a visit, allowing Bucky to lead her to a table and sit her down, a comforting hand in hers. "Oh, Bucky, she looks a mess. A broken wrist, bruising up and down her poor body, cracked collarbone and sternum, and two cuts across her cheek. The doctors say that she will heal, and she said that she was fine, but Lord.... my poor baby. Apparently that nasty man of hers came off looking worst, though. Now, I'm not the type of person to wish harm on anyone, but that man - what a disgrace of a human being. I'm tempted to say that he got what he deserved. Whoever this man was that saw what was happening saved Elena's life. She doesn't remember who it was, she keeps telling us that, and judging by Thomas' wounds he's unlikely to know either, but Lord bless the man who saved my baby."

He had asked Delilah if he would be able to go see her too, but hesitantly Delilah had admitted that Elena did not want to see him. To hear her say that almost broke Bucky's heart, but then he thought about that morning. He thought about himself and how Elena had seen him through her clear, blue eyes.

The outcomes of his actions in saving Elena from Thomas hadn't crossed Bucky's mind until after he had returned to the shelter that day, stripping off his blood-splattered gloves and jacket and staring at himself in the mirror in his room. He hadn't noticed it at the time, but he had gotten blood on his neck, a little bit in his hair. He was still trembling from the adrenaline, that damn voice in his head still whispering, still wanting  _more_. To think that he had lost himself like that, had let the Winter Soldier get the better of him in that moment.... 

To know that Elena had seen him at his worst. To know that when she had grabbed onto him and he had turned towards her, eyes like a wild animal, a murderer, a killer, showing her what he really was...

He had thrown up into his sink at the thoughts that would not go away.  _No wonder she doesn't want to see you,_ a voice whispered in his head _,_  familiar and hateful. It had taken a full two days of isolation to silence the monster until he finally felt safe to go out into the public once more.

Once he felt more or less  _normal_ again, he made his way down to the wharf. He had been spending the past two weeks there now. There was no point in going to the library. He had read all the books he needed now, and Elena was not there. That was the main reason, really. Elena was not there.

He would not lie to himself anymore. Standing at the edge of the wharf and staring out across the spring sea which sparkled blue and green, he knew what he felt for Elena. It was affection, protection, and an overwhelming feeling of adoration. It scared him, in truth, how drawn he found himself to her and how dependent he had become on her. It was never a dull day whenever he got to see her. Once, while the pair had walked back to the shelter together one night, he believed that she had magic powers. He had never felt so calm before in his life and he knew that she was the cause. Only she had the power to silence the Winter Soldier. 

He frowned, brushing aside a stray strand of hair that had escaped the bun he had tied it in. Yes, she had the power to silence the Winter Soldier. But the closer he got to her, the more that power changed from helpful to harmful. After he had found out about Thomas, it was as though a switch had been flicked inside his head. Instead of keeping the Winter Soldier hidden in the dark, Elena was bringing him forward into the light. That wasn't her fault, of course. She knew nothing about him. Really, it was all Bucky. His protectiveness of her was allowing the Winter Soldier to slip back to the forefront of his mind, ready to act as soon as he was called upon. Which, of course, he was.

Since he had been free from HYDRA, Bucky had never met a person like Elena. She brought out the best in him, but also the worst. However, he did not care. The positives outweighed the negatives, the fondness he had for her outweighed the fear he had about himself. He couldn't quite believe the affect she had had on him. It had been slow, those feelings creeping up silently. He chuckled at that thought. He was the world's deadliest assassian and yet she crept up on him so damn easily. 

He wished she was with him now. He wished she would let him see her, but he understood why she would not want that now. The man she had spent many weeks with at the library, quiet and withdrawn, polite and kind, probably did not exist in her mind anymore. She had seen the Winter Soldier, and like Thomas, that man was dangerous. That man could kill.  So perhaps it was a good thing that she didn't want to see him anymore. Maybe she'll be safe.

Returning to the shelter when the sun had set and thick grey clouds began to move in, Bucky had only just entered the dining room when Delilah caught him, a smile on her face.

"What are you doing down here?" She asked, making Bucky tilt his head.

"W-What do you mean? It's almost dinner, I'm going to help-"

"No, son! Go upstairs, someone's waiting for you in your room," she interrupted, pushing him towards the door. The news that someone was waiting for him chilled Bucky to his core, freezing him at the enterance into the dining hall. He turned his head towards Delilah who was making her way back towards the kitchen now, oblivious to the fear that was currently taking over Bucky's mind.  _There's no way Delilah would set me up in such a way,_ Bucky told himself, turning to look down the hall.  _But maybe she doesn't know, doesn't realize..._

With a deep breath Bucky walked towards the elevator, punching the button to his room, the other hand itching towards the knife in his pocket. It seemed that HYDRA had found him, then. Probably due to the news that had come out about Elena. The thought of her made him wince. He hoped that she was okay, that they had left her alone in hospital to heal, that they hadn't harmed her. He would never forgive himself if that was the case. 

His fears, however, had been unneeded. The door to his room was wide open so he was able to see who was in it before they caught sight of him. Inhaling sharply Bucky paused, shock passing over his face. As he approached his room the figure turned and suddenly he was locking eyes with her once more. He had missed her eyes. He had missed her.

"Elena," he whispered, taking the younger woman in. The cuts across her cheek were still stitched up, light brusing highlighting the wounds. Darker bruises marked the upper part of her chest, disappearing beneath the long sleeved shirt she wore. Her wrist was in a cast, a sling holding it tight to her torso. She looked terrible but alive, and that made him glad. Terrible was better than dead, and that was what she would've been had Thomas had his way. 

"Did you mean it?" Elena broke the silence, staring at Bucky with concerned eyes, unsure as to what he was going to say. Clearing her throat and touching her injured arm gingerly, she spoke once more. "What you said... at the house. Did you mean it?"

_I'm here for you, Elena._

Without a word Bucky nodded. It was all the reassurance she needed. Taking two steps towards him, Bucky found his feet closing the rest of the distance between them. His arms wrapped around her, hugging her gently so he wouldn't hurt her any more than she already was. Her face pressed against his shoulder, Bucky felt her free arm grip his back tight. With a whisper she spoke.

"I've left him for good, Bucky. I think it's time for me to start again," she murmured, making Bucky nod softly as his hand found itself cradling the back of her head.

_Start again_ , Bucky thought, eyes closed.  _We can start again together._

Outside, the rain began to pour. 

****_ [~] _ ** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, we end part one.


	14. - Part Two: The Lovers -

 

**_-PART TWO: THE LOVERS-_ **

_"She loved me for the dangers I had passed, And I loved her that she did pity them."_  
**___~Othello, William Shakespeare___**

A moment of peace. Blissful, beautiful peace. In a room lit by a flickering candle we sat together on a mattress. My back was pressed against the wall, him lying between my legs, his head nuzzled against my neck as I held the kindle in one hand, the other running gently through his hair as I read aloud.  
"'This is nothing,' cried she: 'I was only going to say that heaven did not seem to be my home; and I broke my heart with weeping to come back to earth; and the angels were so angry that they flung me out into the middle of the heath on the top of Wuthering Heights; where I woke sobbing for joy. That will do to explain my secret, as well as the other. I've no more business to marry Edgar Linton than I have to be in heaven; and if the wicked man in there had not brought Heathcliff so low, I shouldn't have thought of it. It would degrade me to marry Heathcliff now; so he shall never know how I love him: and that, not because he's handsome, Nelly, but because he's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same-'"  
"Is that true?" he asked, sitting up so he could see my face. I paused. Blue meets blue and I tilted my head, a small smile on my lips as I put the book down.   
"He's always, always in my mind," I whispered, cupping his face with my other hand. "Not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being."  
Faces close together, I pressed my nose against his and breathed.  
"Whatever our souls are made of, yours and mine are the same."   
And we sealed that truth with a kiss.

**_ [ Just the two of us against the rest of the world ] _ **

**_[~]_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lil teaser as to what the next part of this fic holds <3 Also, as I've basically caught up to myself in regards to writing this, chapter updates will probs slow down a little because I've gotta write them lmao, but rest assured, they will come!


	15. - The Entire History Of You -

Like rain cleanses the city, time heals the body. The wounds Thomas had gifted Elena all those months ago had healed and now only small scars remained, something she could handle with the help of friends. Without them, she was sure that those hard months would have shattered whatever was left of her.

The trial had been long and tough, with arguments and evidence being thrown back and forth between each side. Some supported Thomas, pushing his career as a well-respected surgeon as evidence enough that he would never hurt a person, let alone the fiancee he treated so well. Others rejected this, stating that it didn't matter that he was a surgeon, he still abused his partner and had been for many years now, as Delilah had testified. The remaining few sat on the fence: While it seemed true that he had been hurting Elena, it also looked as though Elena had already gotten her vengence on him in her own way. The identity of Thomas' attacker was unknown to both Thomas and Elena, Thomas siting his memory loss of the situation, Elena swearing by the book. However, whispers of "hired force" and "assasian for hire" circulated throughout the courtroom. 

Elena did not let those whispers get to her. Bucky had protected her from Thomas then, she would protect him from the law now. In truth, she didn't know why he was so fearful of the trial and the possibility of being called to the stand (he never was). But she respected his privacy to never bring him up, as did Delilah when asked. To the court, Bucky Georgeson did not exist.

Whether or not his testimony would've helped the case or just caused it more harm, they would never know. After hours of deliberating, the jury found Thomas guilty of physical and emotional abuse towards Elena that had begun in California and had stretched across all of Elena's early adulthood. However, his prison sentence of three years was reduced to just one due to the injuries he sustained that fateful day. While Elena admitted her disappointment at this sentence, it wasn't all bad. She was free.

And this freeness meant she had a new lease on life. Everything that had belonged to her when she had lived with Thomas had been sold, the money she saved in her now seperate bank account for when she was ready to leave the shelter. She had made contact with her family again, even going down to California to visit them one weekend. And now, she was preparing to leave the library and start the career she had always wanted. Teaching jobs were sparse at the moment, but they were there, and she wanted whatever one she could get her hands on. 

So, for the past week now, her time had been spent training up new staff member Gideon Jones. Around the same age as Bucky, Elena had been pleasantly surprised when it was announced that he would be taking over her job once she had left. She hadn't thought that he would have been the type to work in a library. A model agency, perhaps. However, she had learnt in recent months that one could not judge a book by its cover, a thought she would have whenever she looked at Bucky. 

She had been looking at him more often than usual.

Not just because they were spending almost every hour of the day with one another, although that was definitely a reason. How could she not look at him when he would walk into the shelter at breakfast, or walk with her to the library? How could she not look his way when she would come onto his level of the building, or when they made their way back to the shelter? He sat across from her at dinner, would walk beside her along the waterfront, and sometimes... 

Sometimes he would be in her arms. Or her in his. Accidentally. They would talk in the evenings, huddled up on the floor or bed of one person's room, and eventually the pair would fall asleep and find each other locked in a warm embrace. Elena was sure that there was nothing to it, that they just liked each other's company, and yet...

But she was looking at him more and thinking about him more. There were things she was beginning to realize that she didn't actually know about him, like where he had been before Seattle, or how he had become homeless in the first place. She had tried to make conversation with him once about his interest in World War Two and Captain America, attempting to dig further into that solid piece of information she had about him. His answer had been short, though.

"I'm just interested in the subject. No other reason than that, really."

But she saw something in his eyes when he said that that made her believe it wasn't quite true. So one night when Bucky had already gone to his room for the evening, Elena saying that she would pop in as she made her way to bed later, she had gone to Delilah.

"What do you know about Bucky, Dee?" She had asked, sitting at a table with her old friend over two cups of hot chocolate.

"Well, not a lot. He keeps to himself, that boy does " Dee had admitted, tilting her head to the side, eyebrows furrowed. "Why? What's wrong, honey?"

"I'm just worried," Elena had replied, biting her lip.

"About Bucky?"

"About me and Bucky," Elena clarified. "Our... friendship. I feel like he knows so much about me but I've barely scratched the surface with him. I'm scared that I'm just repeating the same pattern that I had with Thomas where I got attached to a man I didn't know a thing about."

"Bucky would never hurt you like Thomas, baby," Delilah replied softly, reaching across and grabbing the younger woman's hands in hers. Elena smiled gratefully, squeezing them gently.

"Yeah, I know. He's good. He feels good, better than Thomas ever felt," Elena admitted, almost breathless at the thought of Bucky. It was true. He made her feel so safe, so good, so at home. She let out a soft sigh, though. "But I'm still nervous. I want to know that I've learnt from my past mistakes. I want to know more about Bucky before..."

"Before...?"

"Before anything... happens," Elena had finished, allowing her words time to wash over Delilah who eventually picked up on what her friend was implying.

"Oh," Delilah had giggled, then, face bright with mischief that made Elena smile bashfully, swatting away at the woman.

"But it's like you said: he keeps to himself," Elena had interrupted, shaking her head as though she could get the image of what she had been implying out of it.

"Well, you say he's always researching Captain America. Why don't you start there?" Delilah had suggested simply. "Find a familiar ground with him. Then you two can talk about that common interest and then from that he might start opening up a little bit more. Takes time with a man like him, I think."

As it turns out, though, it didn't take much time at all. On a particularly busy night at the shelter where Bucky had to leave the libary early and Elena had to stay late to train Gideon, Elena had taken the time to research Captain America. At first, she didn't find anything that was new or surprising to her. As she followed link after link to different articles, videos, and photos, however, she found one that caught her interest. Bucky had brought it up once before, had asked her what she had thought of this man. When his name flashed across the screen in front of her, she moved her mouse towards it, hovering over the words:  _Winter Soldier_.  When she clicked it, she felt her heart stop beating. 

Seconds. Minutes. Maybe hours. Elena wasn't sure how long she had been frozen for, staring at a face she knew so well but at the same time didn't know at all. Because she had never seen his face so distraught, had never seen his eyes so hollow. She had seen it close to that once, but that memory was one of violence and she didn't like thinking about him like that. But here he was in front of her, and here was the information that went with it. As she read, she felt as though the air around her was becoming thin. She couldn't believe it, and yet there was the truth. She had wanted to know who he was and now she had her answer. And what an answer it was. Terrible, horrifying, tragic. So tragic. She felt a tear spill down the side of her cheek.

"Oh, my God," she breathed, and Bucky's eyes stared back into her own.

**_ [~] _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The truth revealed.


	16. - Visage In My Mind -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note: Get Wanderhouse's "Sugar" and Lyves' "Shelter" on your queue, and listen to these two babies while reading this chapter if you wanna figure out the mood I was going for with this scene (might be a giveaway as to what's coming up if you pick up on the song's vibes, but do it anyway because they're great) :*

Everything she had gathered, all the information she now knew, he only proved at his entry into his room. She had been standing by his wardrobe, the door open to reveal the few belongings he had inside. She didn't go through them - she would not delve that deep into his privacy - but she couldn't help but take in the smell of them. Where Thomas had smelt like leather and occasionally hospital bleach, Bucky was all nature. Wooden earthy tones that she couldn't put her finger on, aftershave that gave off a peppermint scent, and the rain. It was comforting. 

After a moment she had stepped away from the wardrobe and into the middle of the small room, staring at the closed door.  _Is this weird?_ She thought, becoming uncomfortable with herself. To stand, or to sit and wait for his arrival? Standing felt odd, just there in the middle of the room staring at the door, but to sit down on his bed without his invitation just seemed rude. She was halfway through thinking on this dilema when there was a clang outside the window and she turned to see Bucky standing on the fire escape balcony. Catching sight of her, Bucky frowned, his tense form relaxing immediately.

"You're in my room," he said simply when Elena had opened the window, stepping back as he crawled inside. She nodded slightly, looking a little embarrased as Bucky put his jacket on the floor.

"I, um... I had to talk to you," she admitted, locking eyes with him. With those words Bucky felt himself freeze, staring at her emotionlessly while his mind began racing with wild thoughts, some absurd, some hopeful, some that made him feel as though he were going to be sick. 

"Can you promise me something?" Elena asked, eyebrows drawn when she noticed that he had suddenly closed himself off to her. Slowly he nodded, jaw clenched hard, fists curled even tighter. "Promise me you won't hide from me. Because I promise you, whatever negative thoughts you may be having right now... They're wrong. Don't... Don't hide away, please? Just let me talk and tell me if I'm right or if I'm wrong, just don't hide away."

"I..." Bucky swallowed, licking his lips and looking down at his feet. His heart was hammering against his ribcage as though it wished to take flight from his chest. Part of him wanted it to. The absurd and the hopeful thoughts had disappated. There was only one sickening thought left inside his head now.  _She knows._ "I promise."

"Okay," she murmured, inhaling deeply. "It's okay. Um... You know about everything that happened with Thomas."

Mutely Bucky nodded, but there was a tremer that went through his body that Elena didn't miss. Obviously Thomas still got under his skin, just as the name of her ex made her own shiver in fear. 

"I came to realize that just like with Thomas, I was getting close to a man that I actually didn't know that much about. Now I know that you're nothing like Thomas, Bucky, of course you're not, but... But then what were you? Who are you, other than Bucky Georgeson?" Elena continued, wringing her hands as she watched his defences slowly begin to fall from his face. His shoulders were beginning to fall and she thought she saw him wince when she said his name. Looking away from him, Elena continued.

"I... I had to be sure I knew who you were," she exhaled in a shaky breath. "So I checked to see why you were so interested in WWII. It was the first place I could start. It was the only solid thing I really knew about you."

"You... You did say you had to look it up sometime," Bucky murmured, making Elena smile and let out a soft laugh, one that Bucky echoed just as soft. It was a good sign, Elena thought, that he was breaking the tension with a little joke like this. 

"What an excuse to get started, huh?" She replied, and despite the small moment of humor the pair had just shared, Elena couldn't help the tears that began to prick at her eyes. Shaking her head with a sniff, Elena looked towards Bucky who still had not lifted his head. "Bucky Georgeson isn't your name, is it?"

Bucky did not reply, eyes still downcast. He could see the threads of the carpet interwoven together until they began to blur together. He shut his eyes tightly, two tears dropping onto the floor. He heard Elena take a step forward. 

"James Buchanan Barnes," she whispered, thinking about the files she had read only a few hours ago. She saw the stories, the missions, the photographs flash across her mind. She saw the image of him in his Sargent's uniform, filled with life and youth and promise. Swallowing, trying to hold back her own tears, she gently raised her hand until she was cupping his face. She found that his cheek was wet. "What did they do to you, Bucky?" 

With a sniff and several more tears falling down his face, he finally looked up. Seeing how broken he was before her made Elena's breath catch in her throat. He had kept his promise. She had never seen this much emotion come from Bucky in all the time she had known him. It broke her heart to catch a glimpse at all the pain and horrors he had endured etched upon his face now.

"They turned me into the Winter Solider," he finally told her. "I was their weapon. They stole my life and - and they stole my mind."

His voice caught on the last part, breaking off with the last word. This seemed to be too much for him because he quickly stepped away from her, spinning around until he was facing the window, his reflection catching in the darkness and streetlights from outside. His face still wet with tears, he stared at her through the reflection of the window, jaw tight. Elena frowned slightly, seeing that - while he had been keeping his promise - he was struggling to do so now. 

"Bucky..."

"Are you afraid?" He asked, voice low. Softly Elena shook her head. "How could you not be afraid? You saw what the files said, didn't you? You read everything? The... The pictures."

"I saw it all," she admitted, taking a step forward. With this movement he tensed up, inhaling sharply. Elena shook her head, coming to stand behind him and placing one hand on his. "You promised. Don't hide from me, Bucky. Just... Just turn around, please."

Slowly, as though at war with himself, he eventually did, seeing that the tears she had been holding were now staining her pale cheeks. However, he found no fear in her eyes. In fact, she seemed far more relaxed than she had in weeks. With shock Bucky realized that Elena actually felt  _safe_ with him. Hesitantly, as to not frighten him, Elena reached forward and gently took hold of the hem of his shirt. 

"May I...?" She looked at him, waiting for his permission. He nodded his answer but Elena saw the way he closed his eyes and stiffened his shoulders; his intake of breath was deep. He didn't let it out until after she had lifted his shirt over his head, his necklace - dog tags - tinkling as the material caught them before finally settling against his chest once more.

Elena would not deny the fact that his arm was the first thing she noticed. It reflected what little light was in the room, shining bright and metallic. His arm- pieced together in fragments and painted with a bright red star on the bicep- made Elena feel like a magpie drawn to shiny objects. She stretched her hand out, fingertips brushing against his arm. He felt cool, making the hairs on her arms prickle. At the contact Bucky had winced, eyes staring down at where her hand had touched him. Glancing up at him Elena spoke. 

"Can... can you feel me?" She asked softly, looking at him. He looked worried, even a little pained, but he nodded.

"You're warm," he whispered before swallowing.

"Am I hurting you?" At this question Bucky was taken by surprise, eyebrows drawn together as he stared at her. 

"N-no, no," he said, head tilted slightly. "I'm just... Well, you don't seem afraid."

Elena smiled softly, resting her hand on his arm and gripping it softly.

"Bucky, I know your story now just as you know mine," she murmured. "You are not the scariest person I've ever come into contact with. I've met the devil, and trust me, you don't hold a candle to him. You're nothing like him. So don't be afraid."

He smiled sadly, taking hold of Elena's hand with his free one and guiding it up his metal arm towards his shoulder. He pressed her hand against the junction where metal meets flesh. Beneath her hand Elena could feel the rough, puckered scar tissues from his past. She looked at them, a physicality that would never leave him, before she raised her eyes towards his mournful gaze.

"I'm a monster," he said, voice cracking as he spoke. Elena shook her head, cupping his face with her free hand. Beneath her thumb she could feel the streaks his tears had made as they had fallen.

"No," she whispered, caressing his cheek softly as another tear fell down his face. "You're not a monster. The people who did this to you are. Not you, though, Bucky. Never you."

Elena leaned forward, standing on tip-toe and tilting her head to the side. Softly, gingerly, she captured his lips with her own. Elena felt Bucky's metal arm circle her waist, resting on the small of her back. His other hand he used to run through her hair, pulling her closer to him. Whatever fears he had been feeling before faded away when Elena's lips met his, as though she had the power to kiss them all away. It was not a fireworks display but something slower and softer, hopeful and warm. It was a spark to ignite a fire of passion, just beginning, still being born. Elena could taste the salt of Bucky's tears against her tongue, making her wrap her arms around him tighter. She didn't ever want to let go.

"El..." Bucky groaned softly, his hand knotted in her hair in a way that made her moan. Bucky couldn't help but shiver at the way her voice sounded: soft, breathless, desperate for more. He would comply, lifting her dress over her head. He stared down at her, taking a moment to see if she wanted to stop, brushing one hand against her check. 

"Are you okay?" she whispered, looking up at him with wide, loving eyes, hands running themselves down his back. He swallowed, smiling down at her as he pulled her flush against him. He kissed the top of her head before pressing his nose against hers, eyes closed as he allowed his body and all his senses to breathe this moment in. All he could feel and hear and smell and taste and see was her. His light in this newfound life of his. His Elena. Pulling away slightly he opened his eyes once more to stare into her light blue ones.

"I am, baby. I... I am," he replied gently, and for the first time in a long time he actually meant it. With a smile he leaned down and kissed her once more and soon the pair were melting into each other's touch. It was true, now. He was okay.  ** _  
_** _**  
[~]**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So was the slow burn worth it, my lovelies? I hope it was <3 Also I hope you like the two song choices, literally the only two I listened to while writing this chapter :)


	17. - A New Beginning -

He had never felt safer than he had in those four weeks since Elena had learnt the truth. 

The walls, the layers, that Elena had stripped away left him open to a new beginning, to healing, and to her love. Waking up in his bed with her lying beside him that first morning had filled him up with emotions he could not put into words. Instead, he had turned them into action, one arm wrapping around her sleeping form, lips placing kisses against her bare shoulder until - with a soft murmuring - she had woken up, rolled over, and met his kisses with her own. That day, they had moved Elena's things out of her room and into his, allowing a new person from the sreet to take up her old room. It didn't matter that the room was made smaller with the addition of a new person; they were almost always in each others space in that room. They didn't care, though. All they wanted was each other, as close as they could be. 

Delilah hadn't been surpised when the pair had come downstairs the next morning hand in hand. She had only looked in their direction while she was serving breakfast to others and smiled happily at Elena, a laugh leaving her lips when the younger woman blushed. That had made Bucky chuckle softly, his hand squeezing hers gently as they found themselves a table. He was certain that this was how teenagers felt in the beginning of a relationship that was going to change their lives forever. He didn't want to ever let Elena go.

Sometimes he had to, though. Sometimes she would be working downstairs in the library, showing Gideon the reins of which he would be picking up very soon, while he immersed himself in information stretching past the War and Steve. Other times he wouldn't be there at all, either making himself useful at the shelter with Delilah or picking up odd jobs signposted around the city to bring in some money too. So far, he had a regular clientel when it came to dog walking, which he found theraputic as he led the pack down the waterfront of the city. In the end, though, he knew that he and Elena would be together again. He was able to fall asleep in bliss with a smile on his face every night and wake up the same every morning just because she was lying by his side. 

Bucky wasn't the only person who felt that way, though. Elena could not remember a time she had felt so happy, free, and safe with a person. She was unsure if she had ever felt that way in her entire life at all.  _Maybe when I was a little girl and living with my family_ , she thought as she stacked books.  _Not since then, I think._ Because she knew, deep down, that the love she had for Thomas had never been born out of friendship that had blossomed into a relationship built on trust. There had been something else, something sinister in its motives, warped by her own young ideas as to what a relationship was supposed to be and Thomas' older, more experienced mind and what he wanted and eventually got. She was never an equal with him like she was with Bucky. She smirked to herself as she made her way back downstairs.  _"Fucking the homeless man." Why, Thomas, you make it sound like a bad thing._

"Um, Elena? I think I screwed up."

Elena smiled at Gideon who stared at her with furrowed eyebrows, glancing down at the computer. She approached the desk, walking around to examine what was causing the man such grief.

"Half of the books in this category have disappeared. I - I don't know what's happened to them," he admitted sheepishly, running a hand through his blonde hair. It didn't take Elena long to correct the fault, though, and after another run through Gideon was back on track.

"So, a bit different from the system I'm used to at my old place," he said with a chuckle that Elena joined, going over to shelve the books that belonged behind their desks.

"It gets easier. Soon you'll be running this place just as smoothly as I have," she replied, making him laugh.

"Please, it'll take me years to get onto your level, Elena," he said, looking over to where she was. "So, are you nervous?"

"A little," Elena admitted, thinking about what would be coming up in less than an hour. This would be her chance to pursue what she had wanted to do for years now. While she was still to hear back from the various schools she had been interviewed for, this one had come back to her the night before asking if she could come in that afternoon as a trial run, acting as a teacher aid. She didn't want to pin all her hopes onto this one school, but out of all the ones she had gone to for interviews, this had been her favourite. She hoped that this would be a sign that a new beginning was coming her way, one that she couldn't wait to share with Bucky.

"You'll be great, I'm sure," Gideon told her. "Would've thought that your man would be here to go with you though."

"Bucky? Oh, no, he's doing a bit of work at the moment, but I'll see him later tonight once I get back to the shelter-"

"How about right now?" Gideon asked. When Elena turned around to ask him what he meant, she saw that he was no longer looking her way. Following his gaze she let a smile pass over her face. Walking towards the desk was Bucky, whose face brightened at the sight of Elena. She moved towards him, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him quickly with a little giggle.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, making him look away with a lopsided smile on his face.

"Knew you wouldn't have left yet. Wanted to give you a little something seeing as I missed the chance to this morning. Couldn't wait till later," he told her a little bashfully. 

"You're a sweetheart," she cooed, kissing his jaw before looking over at Gideon who was watching the couple with a smile. "I think I'll get going now, Gideon. Will you be okay holding down the fort here?"

"I think I've got the hang of it now," he replied, nodding his hello at Bucky who returned it. "You two go, I'll see you later."

"Bye, Gideon," Elena said. After gathering her things the pair left the library, Elena flagging a taxi down outside and giving the driver the address to the school. Together they sat in the back, Bucky looking at Elena who was staring out the window and watching the city pass them by. Her foot was tapping nervously on the floor and with a small smile Bucky leaned forward, kissing the scars on her cheek until she giggled and turned her attention towards him. Gently he cupped her face with one hand.

"You're going to do great today, El," he murmured. She exhaled deeply, a little shudder running through her body.

"I just really want this job," she said truthfully, giving him a nervous smile. 

"And you'll get it," he told her before pulling back. "I did have something to give you, though. If you want it."

"Do you want me to close my eyes?" she teased, making him chuckle. Without a word he reached under his shirt and pulled over his head his dog tags. 

"They were one of the first things I found that connected me back to my old life," he said softly. "Now I want them to be a part of my new one."

Gently he put the chain over Elena's head, letting it fall and rest against her chest. She picked the dog tags up, rubbing her thumb over his name which was imprinted into the warm metal. She looked up at him, meeting his blue eyes that were filled with gentle hope for a future that they could share together, and smiled, one hand losing themself within his dark locks. 

"Thank you, Bucky," she whispered, pressing her nose against his. They stayed like that for a small moment, lost in the sound of each other's breathing, until Bucky tilted his head and captured her lips with a kiss. When they broke away Elena turned, letting herself lean against Bucky's chest as they drove closer and closer to their new future. 

When they finally arrived the pair stepped outside of the idle taxi, taking in the view. It was lunchtime so the sounds of children playing rose and fell, some making appearances as they ran past view. Elena looked up at Bucky who was looking down at her.

"Big moment," she said with slightly breathlessness, the idea of what lay ahead making her nerves jump up into near overdrive. Bucky smiled, brushing a hand through her hair.

"Big moment that you can handle," he replied. "You've fought bigger battles and come out on top. You'll do great here, baby."

"Yeah. Yeah," Elena nodded, turning around to hug him quickly before she took a step backwards towards the school. "I'll see you later."

"I'll be waiting, as will the many treats I've got planned for dinner," Bucky said with a grin that Elena returned, a devilish twinkle in her eyes.

"And dessert?" she purred, making Bucky chuckle deeply.

"Of course. That's the best part," he replied. With a laugh Elena waved in his direction before turning around, Bucky watching as she walked with purpose onto the school grounds. Once she was out of view he slipped back into the taxi and, after giving the driver his address, sped away from Elena. Seperated again, it didn't hurt too much. They would be together again soon.

 

**_ [~] _ **


	18. - History Catches Up -

"Elena, honey! How was it?"

Delilah's question brought Elena to the attention of the other people inside the dining room, including Bucky, who looked up from where he was in the kitchen cutting potatoes. With a grin Elena walked into the large kitchen.

"It was fantastic," she replied, looking at the pair with a twinkle in her eyes. "In fact, it was so great that they offered me the job."

"What?!!" Bucky exclaimed just as Delilah let out a cheer of delight, his face splitting into a wide smile that made Elena laugh with happiness. He chucked his items aside on the counter and in two strides he was in front of her, picking her up and spinning her around the kitchen as she squealed.

"Oh, I knew you'd get it!" Delilah clapped, walking over once Bucky had set her on the floor once more. The older woman threw her arms around Elena, embracing her tightly as a mother would. "Congratulations, baby."

"Thank you, Dee," Elena replied, stepping back and looking at the pair, Bucky standing beside her with his arm around her waist. "I start in two weeks, so here's hoping Gideon is feeling cabable of taking on my job at the library. I'm not going to be there for very long."

"We'll have to celebrate later tonight, darling, when it gets a little quieter," Delilah said, walking back over to the kitchen stoves. "I have a wine that I've been saving for a treat, and I think that tonight would be the perfect time to crack it open."

"Looking forward to it, Dee. I'm going to go have a shower, though, but I'll be back downstairs to help with the dinner setup soon," Elena said, looking up at Bucky when he tugged her a little closer to him.

"Hurry back, doll," he murmured, one hand brushing against the side of her face. She smiled, kissing his knuckles and making him chuckle. God, she  _loved_ seeing him happy. Even better, she loved seeing him happy for something she had achieved. She couldn't remember the last time a male had supported her in her pursuit to become a teacher. It made her want to drag him upstairs and show him just how thankful she was for his support and maybe making him even happier than he already was. She giggled at the thought.  _Later._

"Of course," she replied, letting go of him and walking out of the kitchen, Bucky watching her go.

After a lengthy shower where Elena had taken her time cleaning and washing her hair, she pulled on a long, soft blue dress. She had first worn it in front of Bucky when they had gone on their first proper date together and his reaction to it had been one Elena would never forget, and while they weren't going out tonight, she liked dressing up for him. This dress was one of the things that brought on his rare and radient smiles, and she wanted tonight to be filled with them.

She had just slipped Bucky's dogtags underneath the collar of her dress so they could lie comfortably against her chest when she heard it. The sound like a firework going off. At first it hadn't bothered her. She had continued to towel dry her damp hair. But then it happened again and again, and then there was a chorus of screams that shook her to her core. Dropping the towel on the ground Elena stepped out of the room, walking quickly down the hallway and towards the stairs. Before she could make her way down, though, a steady stream of people barged past her, some running down the corridor, others continuing to climb higher and higher. She was about to call after one person when she felt a hand grab her arm. With a gasp Elena spun around, ready to fight, but she stilled her raised hand when she realized who it was.

"Dee, what's going on?!" Elena cried, latching onto the older woman as she dragged her back down the hallway and into the room, closing the door behind them. Delilah's face was flushed with sweat, eyes wide as she stared at the younger woman, hold onto her hands tightly.

"These men with guns appeared, started shooting people," she explained in sharp breaths, eyes flashing towards the door as she spoke. "Bucky told me to come upstairs, to hide with you and keep you away from it all. Oh, I shouldn't have left him but he told me to get you-"

"It's okay, Dee, don't," Elena reassured her, pulling her into a hug. She wondered if Delilah could hear how hard her heart was hammering against her chest. To think of Bucky down there with those men - It was too much for Elena. She closed her eyes tightly, shook her head, thought about how he had saved her from Thomas.  _He can do it again. He's a fighter. Whoever these people are, whatever they want, they won't be able to get past him. He'll make them sorry for ever coming here in the first place._  "Bucky - Bucky is strong. He'll be okay. He has to be. Who -Who are these people?!"

"I'm not sure, darling, but-" A rally of gunshots went off, making both Elena and Delilah let go of one another and jump back, heads turning towards the door. "Oh! Oh, I'm going to be sick."

"No, no, look, here," Elena stammered, going over to the bed and grabbing what she was looking for. "Use my phone, call the police. I'm going to check outside."

"Elena!"

"Do it, Dee. I've got a plan, but I need to check the rest of the rooms. Can't leave anyone behind," Elena said, and before the older woman could stop her she was heading out the door, closing it behind her.

The hallway was quiet. All the noise was coming from downstairs. Still, though, Elena was cautious with her footsteps, eyes forward just in case someone came up the stairs. The first three rooms on the floor that she checked were empty, however in the fourth one she found a terrified young man hiding beneath his bed. She had managed to coax him out once he realized it was only her, a familiar face that was not here to kill him. Taking his hand in hers she told him to go to the end of the hallway to where Delilah was and that she would send anyone else she found to the room as well. After checking each room and sending the four other people she had found to Delilah, Elena came to stand at the top of the staircase. She couldn't see the ground floor from where she stood - it was three levels down - but the gunfire continued to go off. She heard a loud crash and a heavy thump that made her heart skip a beat, but she didn't move to inspect. Even though Bucky was down there, she knew that she would only be a distraction if she went down to help. If Bucky knew that she was safe, then he would be okay.  _But I know he isn't, and I need him to be. I need to help him._ Elena bit her lip, fighting off that urge to go charging down the stairs. She turned around and quickly made her way back to her room.

"They're coming," Dee told her as soon as she entered the crowded room. "The police say that they're coming."

"Good, but we can't stay in here. We're like sitting ducks," Elena said before making her way towards the window and opening it. "The fire escape. Everyone go, get into the street and run as fast as you can. Get to safety. Go!"

One by one each person climbed out the window and down the fire escape, Elena watching as the first one touched the pavement and instantly took off down the road to where worried bystanders were waiting, watching, and listening to the gunshots. Eventually only Elena and Dee were left. 

"Dee, come on," Elena held her hand out towards the older woman to help her out of the window. "We need to get out of here, we have to-"

"Wait. Hush, darling," Delilah interrupted. "Do you hear that?"

"No..."

"Exactly. The shooting..." Both women turned their heads towards the closed door. Delilah was right. Everything had gone still. With wide, fearful eyes, Elena looked at her friend.

"Dee?" She whispered.

Then the door exploded.

With a shriek Elena and Delilah jumped backwards as the men swarmed the room. Spinning around Elena made to push Delilah out the window and onto the fire exit, but before she could two hands grabbed at her arms and pulled her backwards. With a roar that Elena had never heard leave her mouth before, Delilah spoke, advancing on the men with fury in her eyes.

"You babarians! Get your hands off my girl-"

At first Elena thought she had imagined it, but then Delilah stopped walking and started to fall. Two bullets to the stomach and Delilah was on the ground, blood blossoming bright against the material of her shirt. Seeing her friend lying on the floor, clutching at her wounds as she gasped in pain, made Elena scream like she never had before.

" _No!_ Let me go! Let go of me, I have to help her - Delilah! Delilah!" she shrieked, fighting as hard as she could against her captors who were dragging her towards the door. It didn't matter how much she kicked or thrashed about, though. The grip didn't loosen. All she could do was watch as Delilah bled out on the floor, her hand becoming limp and falling from her stomach. 

"No, God, please, Dee," Elena sobbed, the men deaf to her cries. "Jesus, no, let me go, please, Dee... Dee..."

When the police finally arrived, they found several dead and wounded downstairs, and one in a room with the window left wide open. By then, though, the men - and Elena - were gone.

** _[~]_ **


	19. - Know Thy Enemy -

She was uncontrollable. Inconsolable. It wasn't like anyone was trying to sooth her pain, though. For days (was it days? It could've been weeks, or perhaps only hours), she had been stuck in a small, run-down cell of a room. She had burnt out her voice from screaming and yelling, had bloodied her knuckles from hitting the thick door, had brought on a headache that would not leave her alone. That wasn't the only thing on her mind though. She thought about Delilah, bleeding out on the bedroom floor. She thought about the other people who had been at the shelter when the attack had occurred. She thought about the people who had taken her hostage. 

She thought about Bucky.

Did he survive the attack? Did he get away? Was he still at the shelter taking care of Delilah? Was he safe? Or did those men kill him? Gun him down like they had Delilah and whoever else was in the building at the time? She did not know, however the answers to those questions, whatever they ended up being, were all better than the one that - deep down - she thought may be true. 

She was sitting in a ball in the corner of the room when the door was opened. The sudden noise made her jump and slowly she lifted her head up to face the figure that had entered. Tall and brooding, wearing all black, the figure took several steps forward until they were standing directly in front of her. Without a word they squatted down and Elena's eyes locked onto their face. She couldn't help but inhale sharply, a sense of betrayal passing over her.

"Gideon," she breathed, eyebrows furrowed.

"Surprise," he replied, running a hand through his blonde hair. "I did say that I would see you later."

"How... Why??" she asked, watching as sat down in front of her, leaning back against the palm of his hands.

"How and why do you think, Elena?" he said. "The asset, of course. His trail had gone cold for a bit, but after your trial with Thomas and media being drawn to you, it was only a matter of time before some kind of image or video appeared featuring him. Even if it was brief, it was enough. Since then we've just been watching and waiting, setting up shop, all of that. I had to get intel, you see. Nice library, could pay better. But that doesn't matter anymore. The ball is rolling now."

"Where's Bucky?" Elena asked, feeling a flash of fire jump through her veins that made her push forward to jump at Gideon. However, the man was ready, holding out a hand that caught her by the throat. He didn't hold her there for too long, shoving her back against the wall before standing up.

"He's around," he answered, brushing himself off and watching as Elena got to her feet, her face drained of blood. The one thing she didn't want to be true, was. She had known, of course, that that is who they would have wanted. She had prayed that they hadn't achieved it, though, that he had escaped one way or another. Luck was not on their side, though.

"Can I ask you a question, Elena?" Gideon asked, examining her carefully. Elena scowled, meeting his eyes.

"I'm sure that if I said no you wouldn't give a damn," she spat. Gideon's lips quirked up in a quick smirk before freezing over once more.

"You haven't asked me what all this is. The men who stormed the shelter, why we want your friend, why we have you here, you haven't asked."

"I don't have to. I know who you are. I know this group. You can thank whoever leaked those files last year."

"Hmm," Gideon hummed, but Elena saw the dark glaze that passed across his eyes. "So you know the truth about him, then?"

"Of course."

"Has he told you anything about a red notebook?"

"What?" Elena exclaimed, the question taking her off guard. She hadn't expected something like that. Gideon waved a hand, scrunching up his nose.

"Nevermind. We can continue without it. It just would've come in handy. Less pain," he said, as though it was a simple fact that everyone knew.

"Less- Less pain?" Elena questioned, tugging nervously at her blue dress. Gideon smiled, turning and heading out the door. Hesitant at first, Elena eventually followed her colleague out of the room and down the concrete corridor. She had been trying to work out the significance of the red notebook when the pair eventually approached a pair of doors that were opened just as Gideon approached them. At first glance, Elena could see that the room was far larger than the one she had been kept in, with a few old countertops and equipment lining the walls, a small group of people standing in a semi-circle in front of her, slightly obscured by Gideon's tall frame. As the doors closed behind her, though, and Gideon stepped out of her way, all of that faded into the background. There, only feet away from her and sitting in a strange chair surrounded by those people, was the man she had been yearning to see the most. He was restrained, arms held down, but as soon as he saw her he began struggling against them.

" _Bucky_ ," Elena gasped, running over to him. 

"Elena," he exclaimed, his head leaning into hands when she used them to clasp his face, their noses meeting as they breathed each other in. Elena pulled back, looking him over with wide, worried eyes. His eye was bruised and his lip cut, but other than that he looked okay. She smiled, lips trembling as she ran one hand through his hair, the other down his metal arm and towards his restraint.

"We're gonna get out of here, I'll get you out-" she was whispering until suddenly two pairs of hands wrapped themselves around her upper arms and began dragging her back. "No! No, let go of me!"

"Get your  _fucking_ hands off her!" Bucky snarled, fighting harder than before against his restraints. 

"Calm down, soldier," Gideon purred, and Elena turned her gaze towards him, face scrunched up with fury.

"You bastard. Let him go!" she ordered, trying to shake herself out of the two men's grasp and launch herself at Gideon. The man only laughed though, reaching into his jacket and pointing a gun towards Bucky. A chill ran down Elena's spine and she froze, eyes flickering from Gideon to Bucky who was continuing to struggle, unfazed by the gun that was pointed his way. However, as soon as Gideon turned the gun towards Elena, Bucky suddenly stopped his fighting, heavy breaths shaking his whole body. Gideon smiled at this, cocking the gun. Elena scowled, pulling once more against the men who held her, staring darkly at Gideon who only laughed.

"You two are funny," he commented before returning his gaze to Bucky with a frown. "This, however, is strange. Very strange, indeed. It's almost as though the Winter Soldier has a heart-"

" _Bucky,_ " Elena snapped, unable to stop the outburst. "His name is Bucky."

The man wasn't fazed by her interruption, instead continuing to stare at Bucky who stared back, gaze as hard and as cold as ice.

"You'd do anything for her, wouldn't you?" Gideon murmured, tilting his head. "Break into her home to stop an abusive fiance from murdering her. Protect her from the truth of your life, perhaps? Try to fight your way out of your restraints...all to get to her. How touching, soldier."

Gideon smiled at this, slowly lowering his gun.

"Soon enough, that'll change," he stated, before turning to his men. "Wipe him."

The fear in Bucky's eyes was enough to freeze Elena to her core. She had never seen him look so afraid before, his wide blue eyes locking with hers. She didn't understand it, though, and it confused her enought to make her forget her fight, arms dropping to her side. There was something shimmering on Bucky's face. With shock, Elena realized that they were tears.

"I'm sorry," he sobbed as the machine he sat in started to hum to life. Gideon laughed at that.

"It was sweet, you know? Watching you act almost human with her," he said, gesturing towards Elena. "But your holiday is over, soldier. You brought this on yourself, and on her."

Turning his attention towards Elena for a brief moment, Gideon spoke.

"Unfortunate that you got caught up in this, Elena. You really would've made a great teacher."

"I don't understand-" Elena began to say until she she heard Bucky's voice cutting through the growing noise of the machine, her head turning towards him.

"I'm so sorry, Elena," he was saying, repeating it over and over like a prayer. "I'm so sorry, baby..." Soon, though, he was silenced when one of the men put something in his mouth. Eyebrows furrowed, Elena tried to take a step towards him but was stopped.

"B-Bucky?" Elena could not hide the confusion or mask the fear that made her voice tremble. What did he have to apologize for? She made her decision to love him, and if loving him brought them here then so be it. But Elena wouldn't change that decision even if she had the chance to. All she wanted was to free him from that damn chair, wipe his tears away, and spirit themselves out of this Hell. 

Suddenly the chair lurched backwards like a dentist's chair, lowering Bucky slightly while two large arms of the machine moved towards his face. The confusion deepened when this occurred, crackles of electricity breaking through the air. As the arms began to close in on Bucky's face, though, Elena suddenly realized the machine's use.

_"They turned me into the Winter Soldier. I was their weapon. They stole my life. They - they stole my mind."_

"No, stop, please, don't do this! Let him go, stop it, please!" Elena screamed in horror, fighting against her captives, throwing herself forward in an act to get away. She could hear the sharp intakes of breath coming from Bucky, cutting through his sobs. Like two hands coming to cup his face, the arms cradled the sides of Bucky's head, and she had to listen as Bucky's sobs changed into screams of pain that entangled with her own.

Perhaps the men loved to listen to a symphony of anguished screams, or perhaps they were deaf to Elena's pleas and Bucky's cries. Either way, nobody stopped the torture and despite how much she tried, Elena could not shake the iron-clad hold on her arms. Her voice was growing hoarse, and eventually her screams turned to heartbroken sobs as she watched the man she loved lose his memories, himself, and the love he bore for her. 

_**[~]** _


	20. - The Winter Soldier -

She knew it was over when his screams faded into exhausted pants. Lifting her head up from where she sat on the ground, Elena's tear-stained face looked towards Bucky, the chair straightening up once again. His shoulders were heaving, his hands clenching, and every now and then a twitch would pass over him that made him shake his head or shudder. Eventually his pants subsided and Gideon walked over to him. Elena did not miss the cautious steps he took towards Bucky, as though unsure as to whether or not the chair had worked. She hoped it hadn't. Standing over Bucky, Gideon spoke.

"Soldier?" 

A moment's silence. The only thing Elena could hear was her heart, and she was sure that she wasn't the only one who could hear it. She sat up straighter, eyes staring it Bucky's. They stared passed her, though. It was as though she wasn't even in the room. With a dead voice, Bucky answered.

"Ready to comply."

" _No_ ," Elena cried, pulling herself up from the floor just as Gideon gave a light, relieved laugh. The man paced across the room, past Bucky and the other people, rubbing his chin as he shook his head and continued to chuckle.

"Oh, thank  _fuck_  for that," he murmured, sharing a smile with the others around him while Bucky continued to stare blankly at the doors across from him. Gideon turned, looking over at Elena who was shaking where she stood, face scrunched up in pain as she stared at Bucky. "See, I was nervous. Thought that it might not work given how long he's been free for. I was worried about the effect you might've had on him, Elena. Turns out that you didn't have as prominent an effect as I had first thought, though!"

"Fuck you!" Elena screamed, half hysterical, half in heartbroken pain, moving swiftly towards him before being roughly grabbed by her two guards. Gideon only laughed once more.

"Calm down, Elena," he said, lifting the gun up and pointing it towards her once more. Whatever reaction he was hoping to get out of her, he did not recieve. Instead, Elena only stared stoically at him, lifting her head slightly and pushing her chin out. He smiled at that, tilting his head to the side. "You know, you're tougher than you give yourself credit for. We could make a soldier out of you too."

Gideon sighed, lowering his gun with a small shake of his head.

"But no. We've got enough. And anyway, we only wanted him," Gideon continued, walking back over to Bucky and gesturing for the others to release him of his restraints. "And now that we've got him, we don't need you."

Standing beside Bucky, Gideon grabbed him roughly by the back of the neck and pulled him to his feet. Bucky stumbled slightly but soon recovered, his eyes never flinching at the sudden contact. Gideon let go of him, looking between Bucky and Elena.

"We have a new mission for you, soldier," Gideon stated, stepping closer to Bucky without a hint of fear or hesitation that Elena had noticed before. He had absolute control of Bucky now.

"See that woman?" Gideon pointed towards where Elena was standing with his gun, her eyes wide as she stared at the husk of the man that she loved. Bucky's eyes, devoid of any emotion, flickered towards her. There was no recognition in his stare, no love or even hate. It was dead, and it turned Elena's blood cold. Into his hands Gideon placed the gun he had previously been pointing at her, taking a step back from Bucky.

"Kill her."

Elena gave no reaction to the words he said, too busy watching Bucky and trying to see if he was still there inside. She wanted him to take the gun in his hand and turn it against this man and all the other people in the room. She wanted him to say no. She wanted him to show some sign of life in his eyes. Instead, he gripped the gun tight in his hand and, like a panther stalking it's prey, began to move straight towards her. Elena shook her head, panic rising in her chest as the two men beside her let her go and moved towards the wall. They didn't want to be anywhere near her while the Winter Solier was on the hunt.

"No, Bucky, stop. Don't do this, you - you don't have to do this," she said, taking a step back whenever he would take one forward. Still there was no emotion to be found on his face, just a calculated, complicit expression that reminded her of a robot. That was all he was. When her back was pressed against the closed doors Bucky stopped, and for a moment Elena believed that somehow he had broken out of his mind control. Wordlessly, he used the gun to point towards the floor. Belief suddenly disappearing as quickly as it had come, Elena shook her head, understanding the gesture.

"This isn't happening," she whispered, tears prickling at her eyes. It hurt so bad to see him like this, to silently order her to accept her death on her knees and at his hands. The thought of her dying like that and leaving Bucky in the hands of these people ignited a fury inside that made Elena stepped forward, desperation and anger and hope a storm in her blye eyes.

"This isn't you," she stated, shaking her head as she walked towards him, closing that gap. "Bucky, baby, this isn't you. Wake up. You know who I am. Come back to me!" Elena gripped his arms tightly, earning a slightly surprised expression from him as she stared into his eyes. That expression almost made her want to shout with joy - she had finally gotten something out of him. Elena wasn't going to stop there, though.

"James Buchanan Barnes. Bucky. That's your name and you know me. We met in the Seattle public library. We live in Delilah's shelter together. You saved my life from Thomas. You're not like him, baby, you're you, and you can fight this," she told him, one hand reaching up to cup his face. "Please, Bucky, come back to me. Come back-"

"Soldier."

With that one word Bucky grabbed Elena by the shoulder and pushed down, her legs giving out under her and her knees hitting the concrete hard enough that she let out a gasp of pain, falling onto her side. When she stared up at him his face was wiped once more and the barrel of the gun was pointing towards her. Elena couldn't stop the tears that slowly started spilling down her cheeks.

"No, Bucky," she whispered, slowly sitting up onto her knees. His finger had made its way towards the trigger, brushing over it. Bucky didn't say a word, didn't make a sound, and Elena realized that this was it. In his eyes, she was just another mission.  _But you won't be one he's made to feel like a monster about in the future, though_ , a small voice in her head said. Her breathing shaky, she reached out towards him, gently taking hold of the barrel of the gun and pulling it forward, the metal cold against her forehead.

"It's okay, Bucky," she said softly through her tears, looking up at him and even trying to force a smile. "It's alright, baby. I know that - I know that one day you're gonna get out of this. They - They won't hurt you one day. And if I'm not there to see it, then fine. But it's not your fault, Bucky. I forgive you, I forgive you, so don't you go putting the blame on yourself in the future. You could never hurt me. It's okay, Bucky. I-I love you, Bucky Barnes. I'll love you forever. I love you, I love you, I love you."

Elena thought about the day he first walked into the library, dishevelled and unkempt and as lost as a dog. She thought about how he would hide himself away in the corner of the library reading book after book on World War Two, HYDRA, and Captain America, as well as all the other things in history he had missed. She thought about the concern she had seen in his eyes when he had seen her bruises, or how he had gently held her in his arms when she announced that she had left Thomas. Mornings having breakfast with Dee, afternoon walks down by the water, evenings in bed with one another, the raining pouring outside while she would read him to sleep.  _"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same."_  Her life, her story, her soul, was nothing but him, him, him.

"I love you," Elena whispered under her breath repeatedly, taking one last moment to stare into his blue eyes before she shut hers.  _I love you. I love you. I love you. I love-_

_** [~] ** _


	21. - Better Love -

In the sound of that gunshot and the pain that followed, Elena found oblivion. What came after was worse that what had been before.

It was the brightness of the room. It was like looking straight into the sun. Then there was the smell that burnt her nose and made her feel dizzy. Or perhaps that was the pain in her head that was making her feel that way. It didn't matter, though. It all hurt worse than the darkness.

"Elena?"

A muffled voice. Maybe her father, or mother, or brothers.  _They're not dead though, are they?_  Elena had to ask herself. For all she knew they could be. Thomas made her cut off all contact when they moved from California up to Seattle for his job. Isolation is what gave him his power. If only this pain could be isolated.

 _He went too far this time_ , Elena thought, eyes slowly beginning to adjust to her surroundings. The brightness was from the strength of the lights above her shining hard on the white surfaces around her. The smell was something she was slowly growing used to, something incredibly familiar to her. Thomas would come home smelling like it all the time, and other times Elena would end up sleeping in an area like this. Only when he'd go too far, though. He went too far this time.

"Elena, baby, can you hear me?"

Still slightly muffled, but getting better. Elena turned her head towards the source of the sound, wincing. There was a shushing and then something weathered brushing against her cheek. A hand, not Thomas. His were softer, stronger, and she couldn't remember the last time his touch had been that gentle towards her. Elena's sight was coming back to her. She could see the owner of the voice now, eyes filled with concern as they looked down on her.

"Delilah?" She croaked, and the older lady smiled, tears pooling in her eyes.

"Oh, my God, baby. Oh, my God," she exclaimed breathlessly, cupping one side of her face gently. "You almost gave me a heart attack, darling."

"I... I don't understand. Where - What - Thomas-"

"Thomas? Honey, what are you talking about? Has he been here? Have you seen him? But that's impossible, darling, he's in jail -"

"Wait, what?!" Elena exclaimed, eyebrows drawn together. The action made her wince, her head throbbing painfully from the pull of muscles. Delilah looked at Elena, head tilted to the side.

"What's the last thing you remember, darling?"

"I-I'm not sure. Thomas... Did Thomas put me in here?" Elena asked, glancing around the room in case he was here. The room was empty, however, the lighting dim to match the night sky outside and casting shadows against the curtain and empty bed that sat beside hers. Delilah shook her head, taking Elena's hand in hers.

"No, baby. You went missing for a week after those men stormed the shelter. You were brought in just a few days ago and have been unconscious since," Delilah explained.

"Those men-" Elena suddenly gasped, remembering what had happened. She sat up slightly, ignoring the streak of pain that ran through her body, and stared at Delilah, realizing that she was sitting in a wheelchair. "Oh, God, Delilah -"

"Don't worry, baby, I'm fine. Staff here fixed me up nice and good, although I'll be having some stomach issues for the rest of my life," she said, chuckling slightly. "I've got a room around here as well, but I make the staff bring me in here whenever I'm allowed. A gunshot wound isn't how I go, baby, and it isn't how you go either."

"Me?" Elena was confused at Delilah's words. With a little frown Delilah reached for something lying on Elena's bedside table, handing it over to her. Slowly Elena lifted the mirror up to her face, frowning when she saw her reflection staring back at her, a white bandage wrapped around her head and favouring the left side. Gently, Elena used her other hand to push the bandage up, revealing what it was hiding. The skin just above her cheekbone was gone from the side, lined perfectly with corner of her eye, leaving a divot in her head that ran straight back. The top half of her left ear was gone.

"The bullet missed anything vital. It skimmed across the surface of your skull. But, as you can see, it's left some scarring to the face and side of the head, and your hair is a little bit patchy where the bullet caught it. The doctors said that your hearing should be okay, but that was the best they could do for your ear and side of your face. Not huge, that scarring, mind you. Could've been worse, darling," Delilah explained, before letting out a deep sigh of relief. "Lucky for you, whoever shot you was a shitty shooter. A hairline fracture to the skull, but other than that, it was all just skin and muscle and, well, ear."

"Shitty shooter..." Elena murmured, eyes widening when it all came rushing back to her. She dropped the mirror onto her bed and looked at Delilah, eyes wide. "Where's Bucky?! What happened to him? Is he safe?! I need to see him -"

"Hang on, darling, hang on," Delilah said, pushing Elena back down against her pillows when she tried to get up. "Listen, nobody knows where he is. I haven't seen him since those men stormed the kitchen and he started fighting them. But I'm sure he's okay, wherever he is-"

"Delilah," Elena interrupted, staring at her with frightened eyes. "Those men, those people, they're bad... I need to know where he is, that he's safe, that they don't have him..."

Delilah didn't reply, instead staring at Elena with sad eyes before shaking her head and looking away.

"I don't know where he is, sweetheart," she admitted, before looking at Elena once again and clutching her hand tightly. "But I have hope. That Bucky is a good boy. My God will be looking after him, I'll pray. Lord knows he's a boy that's worth being saved. But I'll let you rest now, darling."

After the nurses had come in to check on Elena and seeing that everything was stable, they left, taking Delilah with them. For a moment Elena stayed silent, staring up at the ceiling as her hands gripped the bedsheets. She was anxious. She needed to know. She needed to figure out where he was. With a groan she sat up, her legs slipping over the side of the bed. She was about to stand when she saw it: a movement in the shadows. Eyes narrowed, she stared at it in silence, waiting for it to move again. When it didn't, she spoke.

"Bucky?"

A moment of nothing, and then slowly he stepped forward, the hospital lights shining over him. He was dressed in a black sweatshirt and dark cargo pants, and while his hood had been pulled up she could still see his face: bruised even more than the last time she had seen him. 

"I'm sorry." His voice sounded thick, as though he were trying not to cry. Elena let out a shuddering breath, one hand reaching towards him. This small action made him take a step back into the shadows and she couldn't stop the hurt crossing her face.

"Bucky, please, come here. Come to me."

"I-I can't," he stammered, unable to bring his blue eyes to meet hers. "My head... I-I'm afraid... It doesn't feel right. I'm afraid I might hurt you again."

"Bucky..." Elena whispered, feeling as though her heart was breaking. To see him in such pain, it was worse than what she was currently feeling.

"I'm sorry for getting you into this mess, Elena," he continued. Elena shook her head, patting the side of her bed.

"Don't, Bucky, please? It's fine, it's okay, just... Just come here, please? Come here and talk to me."

It took a moment but it seemed that Elena had managed to get through to him. Slowly, as though not to disturb a sleeping child, Bucky crept towards her and sat down where she had gestured. His eyes would still not meet hers. Elena touched his arm, wondering for a second if he would pull away. He didn't, thank God, but she saw the way he clenched his eyes shut.

"Baby...It's okay, you know? Everything's fine. We got away, you got us out of there-"

"You say that as if I saved you," Bucky interrupted, shaking his head. 

"You did, Bucky, you did. We're alive because of what you did-"

"No, no, you're in this hospital bed because of me," he replied. "Elena, I put you in danger. I shot you. And then afterwards... I killed all of them. I remember everything. I shot you and I murdered the rest of them."

"Gideon?" Elena couldn't help but ask about the man she had spent the last two months working with. Bucky nodded.

"I... I can't do this, El," he murmured after a moment. "I can't let you suffer my life. It nearly got you killed. I... I can't."

"Can't?" Elena choked out, feeling as though someone was pushing down on her chest. "Bu-Bucky, what are you saying?"

"I can't be with you anymore. I'm...I'm leaving," he whispered. At first Elena didn't think she had heard him properly, but when he didn't continue she shook her head, shuffling around on the bed to face him properly. He still wouldn't look at her.

"No," she stated. "No you're not. No, you're not-"

"I hurt you, I'm no better than Thomas-"

"Don't you say that!" Elena snapped, squeezing his hand tightly and staring at him with fire in her eyes. "Don't you ever compare yourself to him. You're not him, you could never hurt me. The only way you could is if you left me, Bucky."

"It's not safe," he said in exasperation, finally turning around to look at her. "Elena, I shot you-"

"Barely!" Elena interrupted, pulling at her bandages to show him her wound. He winced slightly, unable to look at what he had caused, but Elena would not let him look away. She reached out and took his chin gently, tilting it so that he would have to look. "See? This is... This is nothing, Bucky. A wound that will heal. A wound that didn't kill me."

"But I could've-"

"But you didn't!" Elena argued, letting go of his chin and moving forward, taking his hands in hers. "Bucky, listen to me! You could've killed me but you didn't! You got through the control they had on you because you knew who you'd be shooting. You didn't want to kill me because you love me! And you used that love to fight back. I helped you, Bucky, and just as I help you, you help me! We... We save each other, Bucky. We love each other and we save each other and, and, and you're not allowed to go. You're not allowed to leave! Please, Bucky, please don't leave me. We're not allowed to leave one another because we help each other, we're good for each other. You saved me from Thomas, I saved you from those monsters, from what they did to you. We were made for each other, Bucky. So please don't do this. It'll only make us both miserable."

She was still begging even as Bucky broke down, scooping up her smaller form and holding her in his lap, rocking her gently and allowing her to cry against his chest. He rested his chin on her head, looking up at the light so that he could still his own tears that had started to fall into Elena's blonde hair. 

"Okay, okay, El, it's okay," he comforted her, holding her tight against him. "I'm sorry... I'll stay, doll. You and me, we can make this work. I'll stay with you, love. It's okay."

When they had both calmed down Bucky lifted her face towards his, wiping the last lingering tears away from her face.

"Elena?" he murmured.

"Yes?"

"I love you too," he whispered. A small smile appeared on Elena's face and wrapping her arms around his neck she pulled herself closer to him, kissing his lips gently before pressing her nose against his, their eyes closed.

"I love you too."

_**[~]** _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, we speed into the MCU films and start bringing in the characters from that. See you all in Bucharest.


	22. - Home -

Their sleep schedules had been shot to Hell. They had assumed that - being in each other's arms every night - they'd find the peace they needed to have a full night's sleep. But that only ever happened in fairy tales, and they were living a John le Carré/Stephen King novel lifestyle now. They were both plagued by nightmares that would haunt them often. Elena's were always about Thomas or HYDRA or losing Bucky. Bucky's were always about his fractured memories, life as an assassin, and losing Elena. However, they had each other, so the nightmares were bearable. In the end they could always calm the other down, and they'd fall asleep once more and wake when the sun would rise.

Like this morning, the first rays of dawn shining through the window above them and coming to rest at their feet. Bucky was the first to open his eyes. Last night it had been he who had woken up in a sweat, tears staining his pale cheeks as he recounted to Elena the nightmare that had shaken him so. To counter the dream, Elena had embraced her love in her arms, kissing his tears away while whispering sweet promises against his skin. Eventually the fear of his dream dissipated and the pair melted into one another, finding solace in each other's touch. Thinking of that moment, Bucky cast his eyes down to his left, finding his love nestled against him, his metal arm cradling her close against his side. With his free arm he caressed her face, brushing aside the thick strands of blonde hair that covered her from his view. Now he could see the soft constellation of freckles that danced across the bridge of her nose, and the rosiness of her cheek, and the way her lips pulled upwards slightly, a smile in her sleep. 

She shifted against him in her sleep, one hand moving up from his stomach to his right collarbone, and gently he picked it up and pressed the knuckles of her hand against his lips, inhaling the scent of her skin. No matter where they were, she always carried the faint smell of flowers and rain with her. That's all he needed to know he was safe and at home.

"Skipping the foot fetish and moving straight onto hand, hm?" Elena mumbled, making Bucky chuckle. He kissed her hand once more before letting it return back to its original spot against his collarbone, looking down towards her. Elena's eyes were still half closed, but he could see a sparkle inside the sliver of blue that could be seen.

"Xуй," he murmured, earning a scoff from the woman beside him who sat up to lean over her partner.

"Dick? Seriously? You thought I wouldn't get that one? Dirty words were literally the first ones you taught me, try a different language."

"Pulă," Bucky offered instead, but Elena only shook her head, throwing a leg over her lover's waist and straddling him.

"I know my swear words in Russian and Romanian, stultus," she grinned. "Also French, by the way."

"Which that wasn't. What the Hell was that, actually?" Bucky asked as Elena leaned down and pressed herself against his chest, his arms automatically coming up to wrap themselves around her back.

"Latin. I took a paper in my third year of college. One of the only words I remember, it means stupid or foolish - but obviously I meant stupid. Other words include sapientia, which means wisdom, vir, which means man or hero, and basium, which means kiss. I could tell you some noun declensions and verb endings if you like."

"Oh, no wonder I didn't understand it. You're using a dead language," Bucky teased. Elena sighed, lifting her head up slightly to look at him.

"It was a waste of a paper, wasn't it?" she smiled. Bucky shrugged.

"Maybe a basium will make you feel better?" he suggested, making her laugh.

"I don't think you're using it properly, but I agree with the suggestion profoundly, so gimme those lips of yours, lover," she giggled, leaning down and meeting his lips with hers. They kissed, Elena running her hands through his tangled brown hair, a laugh dancing between the pair when her fingers became caught in the snags.

"You need to braid your hair at night to stop it from getting knotty," Elena suggested, pulling away from him and standing, picking up one of his shirts from the ground and letting it fall over her smaller frame. Bucky sat up, leaning against the wall with a cheeky smile on his face, watching as she walked into the kitchen and turned the kettle on.

"I've just woken up, you haven't even allowed me a chance to brush my hair before you start playing with it," he replied.

"I would've expected someone like you to be prepared for anything, including your girlfriend running her fingers through your hair as soon as she wakes up."

"You couldn't do it if I had my hair in a braid though, so-"

The plum Elena chucked his way would've caught him in the chest had he not caught it so quick. With an arched eyebrow Elena watched as Bucky laughed, taking a bite out of the fruit. She turned around and began making coffee, rolling her eyes.

"You know what I mean. Braids stop your hair from getting knotty. Don't you want luscious locks such as mine?" She grinned, shaking her head and throwing him a smile across her shoulder. Before she could turn back around he was behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing the side of her neck, making her laugh.

"Jesus, doll, you should know better than to throw your quote on quote "luscious locks" around in front of me like some kind of pin-up model," he grinned, kissing her cheek. Elena could smell the plum that he had been eating just a moment ago, still held captive in one hand just as she was captive in his arms. Taking hold of his occupied hand, she didn't turn to face him as she spoke.

"Oh, well I guess my plan is working," she teased, taking a bite out of the plum. He grinned devilishly as she finished her mouthful of fruit before picking her up and spinning her around, earning a peal of laughter. When he sat her on the counter, she looked down at him, enjoying how bright his eyes were and how wide his smile was. She loved Bucky, no matter what state he was in, but cheerful, cheeky, teasing Bucky was her favourite. It was like cracking open a geode and finding a colourful array of crystals inside. Whatever ghosts haunted him melted away when he was like this, revealing a man who was the literal embodiment of sunshine. Without a word he leaned forward, pressing his nose against hers with closed eyes.

"You complete me," he murmured. Elena cupped his face gently, eyes closed as she breathed in the scent of him. Always earthy, this time mixed in with that plum.

"Love you too, baby," she replied.

They spent their early morning as they usually did. First breakfast, then a sparring session, then a shower. For a year now Bucky had been teaching Elena how to fight, and as it turns out she was suprisingly good at it, her previous gymnastic and parkour history shining through when it came to speed and movement. True, she had a lot to learn, but in such a short amount of time she had shown her capability in it, especially when it came to knives. He liked that she had a natural ability with a weapon that he personally enjoyed using. It took more skill to fight at close range with a knife than with a gun, and knowing that Elena could hold her own in hand to hand combat kept his mind at ease. It was a skill she would need if she was living a life in hiding with him.

After the events that had occurred in Seattle, Bucky knew that it was time for him to move on. HYDRA had found him so the city, a place he had hoped to set his roots in, was no longer safe. However, Elena had made it known that she would not be letting him go alone. So, with Delilah's help - who had finally been informed about Bucky's background - they pulled together multiple fake identities to throw anyone off the trail. It had been an emotional goodbye that early Autumn morning, with Delilah waving the pair off from the steps of the shelter. It had hurt a little bit more when the taxi the pair took to the airport drove past the school Elena was supposed to work at. She had rejected the offer while in hospital when they had first started planning their escape, and Bucky wouldn't lie, he felt incredibly guilty for being the reason why she was unable to do what she so desperately wanted. However, she had told him that she would sacrifice anything to be with him.

So they made their way to South America, Bucky becoming the teacher to Elena's student. He taught her the language, he taught her how to fight, he taught her how to be observant. The mind of the assassian was a part of her now, but thank God she had never had to become one. Whenever Bucky would feel as though they had reached the end of staying in a certain place, they would move on. For over a year they jumped from city to city, then eventually country to country, keeping HYDRA off their trail as they went. While there had been some close calls, they had managed to evade the group each time.

Now they were living in Buchacrest, Romania. They had a little apartment of their own where they kept to themselves, living in a busy yet lively part of the city. They had been there for over a month now, and the feeling of starting anew had been hanging around Bucky for awhile. Like Seattle, Bucharest felt like a new beginning he could have with Elena. Elena also felt the same way. She liked the city and the anonymity that came from living in it, and while it didn't have the sun and sea like California did, or the rainy waterfront of Seattle, it did have Bucky. With a smile she looked over at him, watching as he shrugged on his dark jacket before pulling on black leather gloves. As though sensing her gaze on him he looked up, catching her eyes.

"What?" he asked, his lips quirking up in a small smile. She shrugged, grabbing her olive green bomber jacket.

"Nothing," she replied as she walked over, coming to stand in front of him. "I was just admiring the view."

"Views not too bad from here, either," Bucky chuckled, a smirk still on his lips when they met hers. Elena giggled against them, breaking the kiss and taking his hand in hers.

"Come on, then, stultus," she teased, pulling him towards the door. The world was awake now, and they were in need of some plums.

**_ [~] _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's get this Civil War show on the road, starting off with some fluffy Bucky/Elena loveliness to make up for the tragedies that are going to follow :')


	23. - Bucharest Chase: The Staircase -

It had been going so well.

The couple had been walking around the city, stopping at the little market stalls that had popped up on one of the streets to examine what each one had on offer.  They had found a fruit stall where Bucky had gotten his plums before moving down to where a little book stall was set up. While a majority of the books were in Romanian, there were a couple that were in English. The pair browsed what was there but in the end didn't buy anything. They had to travel light so the only books that were allowed were Bucky's journals. However, it didn't bother Elena too much to be away from physical books. She had hundreds downloaded on her kindle.

After exploring the stalls they came to stand at the edge of a busy road, waiting for the cars to pass. Elena had been telling Bucky about a past memory with her brothers that had involved her being dared to flip out of a tree (she had done so successfully, her eldest brother not so much) when he suddenly went quiet, staring across the road. Elena tilted her head to the side, looking up at him with furrowed eyebrows.

"Bucky? What is it?" She asked, gazing towards the newspaper stand that Bucky was looking at. She watched as the man there continued staring at Bucky, recognition crossing over his face that made Elena's go pale. She followed Bucky as he crossed the road, hand holding his tightly as the man suddenly bolted from his stand. Picking up the paper that the man had been reading, Bucky and Elena both read the headline. Her Romanian was still new to her, however it was unneeded. The words "WINTER SOLDIER", "BOMBARDMENTUL", and "VIENNA" jumped out at her with enough power to make her exhale sharply. She looked up at Bucky who was already scanning the area.

"We have to go," he said quickly.

Elena wouldn't lie: she was upset that they were having to leave Bucharest. She had fallen in love with the place and she knew that Bucky had too. However, this newspaper had ruined it for them. As they hurried back to the apartment Elena spoke.

"Why was that in the paper? We haven't been to Vienna, we didn't blow anything up-"

"I don't know, but there's a picture and there's people who say that we were," Bucky replied as they entered their building and took the elevator up. Inside the small space and thankfully alone, Bucky turned to Elena, cupping her face with both hands.

"Look, I don't know what's going to happen," he murmured, looking at her with dark eyes. "We haven't had this kind of media attention on us before. They don't have a picture of you, thank God, but the whole world will be on the lookout for me. If you want, you can fly back home. I'll come for you once I shake these people off our trail or once it all dies down, but I'm not going to tell you to go."

Elena smiled sadly, hands wrapping around his tightly.

"Thank you," she said softly. "For giving me a choice. But my decision has already been made. It has been since the hospital. I choose you, Bucky."

She could see in his eyes that he was worried about her choice. He always was when it came to anything to do with him or danger. However, he didn't argue. Instead he kissed the top of her head and held her hand as they reached their floor and walked out of the elevator and towards their apartment. As it turns out, though, they weren't the only ones.

He hadn't noticed that they had come in. He was standing in front of the fridge, head bent as he read something that could have only been one of Bucky's journals. From behind, Elena was shocked to see just how big Captain America was in the flesh. It was almost intimidating to see him standing a few feet in front of her, kitted out in his full uniform, the myth and legend living and breathing before her eyes. Beside her she felt Bucky squeeze her hand gently and she reached up, touching his arm comfortingly. She could only imagine what he was going through right now. 

There was a crackle of noise, words that Elena couldn't make out, and suddenly the man in front of them spoke.

"Understood," he said, before suddenly jerking his head and turning around.

Steve had only been expecting to see Bucky. He had been preparing himself this whole time to be reunited with the only man who had known him when he was just that skinny, sickly kid from Brooklyn. He knew that things would be different, of course they would be. The last time they had seen each other, Bucky had been trying to kill him. The last time they had seen each other, Bucky had ended up saving his life. However, he hadn't been expecting to see Bucky with someone else. 

Standing by his side and holding his hand was a woman, her blue eyes flickering between Bucky and himself. Steve had to admit that she had a pretty look to her, however she also reminded him of a woman he had met a long time ago very briefly. He almost flushed at the memory. When she turned her head to look up at Bucky, though, he noticed something he had not seen before: two thin scars that ran across her cheekbone, getting lost amongst a thicker section of shining, bumpy scars that disappeared under her long strands of blonde hair. Looking away from her and at Bucky, whose eyes were watching him intently as he had been studying the woman, Steve spoke.

"You know me?"

"You're Steve. I read about you in a museum... and a library," Bucky replied, eyes never leaving Steve. However, the other man did notice how Bucky shifted his weight towards the woman towards the end of his sentence. Steve frowned as Sam's voice spoke through his earpiece, setting down the journal on the bench before taking a step forward.

"I know you're nervous. You have plenty of reason to be," he said gently before adding, "Are you lying?"

"I wasn't in Vienna. I don't do that anymore," Bucky replied. Steve looked at the woman who stared back at him, nodding once in silence. 

"Well the people who think you did are coming here now, and they're not planning on taking you alive," Steve continued, Sam's voice coming once again adding to the pressure that he was feeling. They had to leave now. 

"That's smart. Good strategy," Bucky replied before looking up, the woman doing the same. Steve could hear the footsteps on the roof too. With a single look at one another the pair began to move, the woman going over to where Steve was and grabbing the journal he had been reading. They glanced at each other as she walked past him and all he saw in her eyes was steel determination.

"This doesn't have to end in a fight, Buck," he murmured, looking over at his old friend.

"It always ends in a fight," Bucky sighed.

"You pulled me from the river, why?" Steve asked quickly. Bucky just looked at him with eyes devoid of any real answer.

"I don't know," he said, eyes glancing over to where the woman, a backpack now on, was grabbing something from a cup inside a cupboard. She looked over at him as she pocketed the wad of cash, slipping behind Steve who was staring at Bucky, unsatisfied with his answer. 

"Yes you do," he replied. Before Bucky could reply, though, Sam was in his ear.

_"Breach, breach, breach!"_

Pulling the woman behind him, Steve used his shield to smack away one flash bomb, using it again when Bucky kicked the second one towards him. As the woman moved swiftly back towards Bucky's side, the man lifted up the mattress to protect the pair from the third flash bomb. Throwing a table down the hallway to block the door, Bucky shouted.

"Elena, hall!"

In situations like this, Elena never argued or thought twice about what Bucky was telling her to do. She stood by the table, pressing herself against the wall when she heard gunshots behind fired. She watched as Bucky punched through the floorboards and grabbed his back, chucking it outside before sheltering behind Steve's sheild as a flurry of bullets were sent their way. Using Steve as a weapon, Bucky shoved him towards one man before going after the one who was standing a few feet in front of Elena. He had not even noticed she was there. The man now down and the room cleared, Bucky sped over to her.

"Okay?" he asked, and even though Elena's heart was beating harder than it ever had before, she nodded. "Stay behind me."

They erupted out of the room like a hurricane, Bucky fighting off the men nearby while Elena took care of anyone coming up from the stairs. When they were ambushed by a man through the skylight Elena instinctively twirled behind Bucky who reached out and grabbed the man, knocking him out before taking out the two others that had appeared. Looking over the bannister, the pair saw that there were even more police coming up the stairs. Bucky looked over at Elena who only nodded, and without a word he jumped, using the man on the wire to carry himself down the staircase onto another level. As he cleared the staircase Elena followed, taking the stairs and watching as Bucky fought, helping to knock out any stragglers. As Steve followed behind them, Bucky turned and reached towards Elena, pulling her towards him and throwing her arm around his neck. Impulsively she did the same with the other arm, wrapping her legs around his waist as he bent the metal railing and used it to swing down a level, kicking a man through a door as they landed. Back to back the pair fought off their attackers, Elena landing a punch straight into one man's throat while Bucky slammed another's head into the wall. She didn't realize the danger she and Bucky were in until she saw a flash of red, white and blue, turning towards it and watching as the man who had been hit by Captain America's shield slump to the ground, the thrower a flight above. 

"El," Bucky's voice was low but urgent, and turning Elena noticed the way Bucky was standing. Unquestioningly, she jumped onto his back once more. "Hold tight."

And suddenly they were falling. It wasn't a long fall, only three seconds at most, but they fell through the air fast. When Bucky grabbed at the metal railing, letting out a cry of pain as the metal buckled beneath their weight, Elena almost lost her hold, having to scrape her nails against his chest in an effort to latch on to his shirt. Eventually, though, Bucky was able to pull them both onto the landing, kicking a door down when they were stable. She got off him, coming to stand by his side as she stared straight ahead at the balcony before them. Without a word Bucky pulled her in front of him, hitching her up and wrapping her legs around his waist. 

"Bucky?" Elena said uncertainly, staring at his dead set blue eyes.

"Trust me," he murmured before he took off running. Closing her eyes Elena shoved her face against his shoulder, arms and legs clinging tightly around him as he pushed off from the ground and launched them into empty space.

**_ [~] _ **


	24. - Bucharest Chase: The Streets -

The landing had been hard, and Elena had been thrown off Bucky's rolling form as soon as he had hit the ground. However, apart from the obvious scrapes and bruises, Bucky had managed to shelter her as well as he could after a stunt like that. With barely a moment to breathe Elena felt his hand pulling her up and together they were running, Bucky scooping up his backpack as they went. For a small second, without all the noise of guns and fighting following them, Elena almost believed that perhaps they would be safe, that perhaps they had escaped. However, she noticed the shadow just as Bucky did. With a firm shove Bucky pushed Elena away from him just as he was kicked from behind. Stumbling to a stop and breathing heavily Elena stared at this new intruder, stance wide and low.

She hadn't seen this person before. Wearing all black in what appeared to be some kind of cat suit, the person straightened up, and while she couldn't tell where exactly its eyes were staring, she had a sick feeling in her stomach that told her they were aimed at Bucky. She glanced quickly over at her lover whose eyes did not leave the newcomer.

"Street," Bucky hissed, before launching himself at the person. Elena didn't need to be told twice. Turning tail she ran away from the duo, fighting the desire to turn back and help Bucky when she heard him let out a gasp. She would only get in the way, endangering both herself and Bucky. 

At the edge of the building, Elena found stylized railings that ran cross-cross down the side of it. With a grunt she threw herself over it, grabbing on to the metal railings and climbing down as fast as she could until she reached a ledge. From there, she was able to lower herself from balcony to balcony, relying heavily on her gymnastic and parkour past while silently thanking her parents and brothers for the skills they had either forced or dared her to take up.  _Mom would scream if she knew what I was using gym for now,_ she couldn't help thinking in the middle of it all, her feet coming to rest on the ground where she took a moment to rub her sore and reddened hands together.

That moment was interrupted though when a few feet ahead Bucky landed on the pavement, pursued by both a helicoptor and the costumed figure. Knowing she wouldn't be able to keep up with him on foot, Elena stepped out into the street, flagging down the driver of a car. It didn't take much to force them out of the car; seeing the bullets had practically scared them out of it, and slamming the door shut behind her Elena pushed her foot against the accelerator hard. She watched as Bucky continued to run, eventually jumping from the street down into an area below. Turning hard, Elena took the car down a ramp onto the motorway below.

It seemed like she wasn't the only one with an idea to commondeer a vehicle. Up ahead, Elena watched as Captain America took one for himself, her car speeding past his as he got into it. For now, he didn't matter to her. Her goal was to get to Bucky. Weaving in between the other vehicles in her lane, Elena's eyes stayed locked on Bucky, watching as he ran across a car in front of him and back onto the road. She was close to him now, almost right behind him. She was so focused on him that she almost didn't notice the line of cars in front of them, blue lights flashing. 

"Shit!" Elena exclaimed, pulling hard on the wheel and driving straight through a row of barrels. In the rearview mirror Elena watched as Steve did the same. She couldn't pay too much attention to him, though. She turned her eyes back onto the road, watching as Bucky yanked a motorbike from an unsuspecting civilian. The sudden pause in motion made Elena swerve out of his way back into the right lane so she wouldn't hit him, driving past. Looking back, she saw that he was now on the motorbike and following closely. She put the window down and stuck her head out. Bucky's eyes locked with hers and he nodded. He knew she was there. Turning back to the front she continued to speed through the streets, weaving between cars, eyes always flicking towards the mirrors so she could keep an eye on Bucky. One moment he was fine, the next dogged by the stranger in black, another leaning dangerously to the side and having to use his metal arm to stay upright. When she checked again, the stranger was gone and Bucky was fine, bike right behind her. She watched as he chucked something into the air at the end of the tunnel and suddenly there was an explosion, large slabs on concrete falling onto the road behind the pair. It almost looked at though they had managed to get away and Elena grinned, eyes on Bucky in the rearview mirror. However, it soon disappeared when, from the dust, the stranger flew towards Bucky, catching the tire of his bike and throwing him off balance. She watched as Bucky fell onto the road.

"No!" She shouted, slamming her foot hard onto the break, the force throwing her hard against her seatbelt. She heard the crunch of the motorbike colliding into the back of the car and the screetch of the breaks marking the road but all that did not matter. As soon as the car had come to a stop Elena was out of it, running towards Bucky and the stranger. Just as the stranger stood up, arm raised to attack Bucky who was lying on the ground, Elena had to jump out of the way as he was tackled by Steve. Helping Bucky to his feet, Elena turned to face the stranger, ready to fight. However, on her right an all metal figure appeared, holding up two hands directed at herself, Bucky, and Steve on one side, and the stranger on the other. 

"Stand down, now," the armoured man spoke. Elena frowned, gripping Bucky's arm tightly. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Steve put his shield on his back. All around them, the police were closing in, and Elena watched with wild eyes. She gripped Bucky's arm tighter, moving closer to him. She heard the metal man say something but she wasn't paying attention anymore. The police were too close, they had their guns pointed right at them, and a man was shoving Bucky to the ground.

"No-" Elena began, reaching out to stop them before feeling herself being shoved onto her knees. She heard Bucky growl as she was forced onto her stomach, face turned towards him as she felt herself get cuffed. She wriggled her shoulders, trying to break free, trying to push herself closer to Bucky, but the look in his eyes made her stop. He looked at her with sadness in his eyes, with defeat, and it hurt her to see. 

"It wasn't you," she whispered as they were pulled upright, stumbling slightly on her feet. She looked at the people around her. "It wasn't Bucky. He's a victim. It wasn't his fault."

But the people would not listen. They never did.

**_ [~] _ **


	25. - Backs To The Wall -

She hadn't seen him since they had seperated them in Bucharest after the highway incident. Now they were in Berlin and Elena was beginning to lose her mind.

She had been a difficult prisoner. She had done so on purpose. She didn't care how many times they threatened her, she would not comply. She had hoped that her behaviour would get her moved into a more high security cell or transport, such as Bucky's. However, they saw right through her motives. Eventually, if she was getting too snarky, they would put a muzzle over her mouth. She'd been wearing the muzzle a lot lately. However, she was free of it now during the ride to the task force headquarters. Her restraints, though, were kept on.

She sat in the middle row of the van next to Steve. Since being split up from Bucky he had been keeping an eye on her, or at least as much as he could when she wasn't being seperated from the group for disordly behaviour. They hadn't had a lot of time to talk, but they were cordial with one another. Elena knew how important he was to Bucky and how he had come to help them, and Steve knew how important she was to Bucky and how, in all of this, she was a civillian. Behind her sat Sam, a man that Steve had told her she could trust. So far the pair hadn't had a proper conversation either, but she believed Steve's word. In front of her, though, sat a man she was struggling not to strangle as he spoke.

"So I ask you," T'Challa, the newly appointed King of Wakanda, was saying. "As both warrior and king, how long do you think you can keep your friend safe from me?" 

"You're not getting anywhere near him," Elena snapped, her shackles shaking as she leaned as far forward as she could. She couldn't see his face but she could hear the patronizing tone in his voice.

"And you think you can stop me?"

"Without a doubt," Elena replied cooly. "You're going after the wrong man."

"And what are you? His partner? Accomplice?" T'Challa asked, scoffing. "Murderers alike, I am sure, and like your friend, unsafe too."

"Stop it," Steve murmured, voice low. Elena rolled her eyes, staring darkly at the back of the man's head and wishing she could burn a hole through it. She could hear the gasp Bucky had let out when he had been attacking him on the rooftop, could see this man's arm raised to strike her love. It made her want to spit venom.

"We live in a world of danger. I'm sure we can cope with you, catman," she snapped back, earning a choked laugh from the backseat. Beside her Steve nudged her foot softly.

"Stop," he repeated, this time with more force. Elena frowned, letting out a small grumble beneath her breath, but she followed his demand regardless, turning to stare out the window. Outside, their van approached the large and stretching group of buildings that was surrounded by a river.

When they arrived she was allowed out of a majority of her restraints bar the handcuffs, which she stared at grumpily as she stepped out of the van. As soon as she lifted her head from the ground, her eyes caught sight of Bucky. It was the first time she had seen him in days and it almost made her gasp aloud to see him. While he was stuck inside a thick, see through container, he looked safe. His eyes, as though sensing hers, turned towards Elena and he sat up a little straighter, leaning forward.

"Bucky," Elena murmured, taking a step towards him before being pushed back by a soldier.

"Keep moving," he snapped, making Elena narrow her eyes.

"No, not without him," she argued, but she felt Steve's hand on her shoulder, turning her away. While he was gentle, there was a firmness in his touch that left no room for argument. She stared up at him incredulously, and catching her gaze he spoke.

"We'll sort this out," he told her. Elena looked away, back over her shoulder towards Bucky. He stared back at her with a frown, faintly hearing a conversation occuring that wasn't holding any of her attention. In her mind she had broken her cuffs, ran over to Bucky, broken him free of his cage, and stolen him away from this place. They were back in their apartment in Buchacrest, or wandering around the streets of Mexico, or sitting by the waterfront in Seattle. She liked that last image best.

"See their weapons are placed in lock-up," a voice was saying, cutting through the image in her mind. "We'll write you a reciept. As for you, miss..." 

"You're not getting a name out of me," Elena snapped, turning to stare darkly at the man who had spoken. A whisper of a name -  _Everett Ross, what a strange name_  - echoed in the back of her mind, and she frowned as he raised an eyebrow with a small smile.

"Not yet," he corrected. "Anyway, you will not be joining us. See to it that this woman is put in a cell until I'm ready to question her. Away from the Winter Soldier, of course-"

" _Bucky_ ," Elena interrupted, her fists clenched. "His name is Bucky."

"Right. Take her away."

They took her to the cell, a small thing with cold, grey interiors and a full length glass wall and door that she could not open. She had tried. After minutes of trying to get out of it Elena had given up, slumping on the ground and rubbing at her handcuffs around her wrists. She closed her eyes, lips moving softly.  _Bucky. Bucky. We'll get out of here, I promise. Just come back to me. Come back._

"So, which one is it?" Everett Ross asked as he entered the room. Elena's eyes flashed open and she stared up at the older man. In his hand he held a file and multiple passports.

"Excuse me?"

"We checked his bag and yours. We found four passports belonging to you. So, which one is it? Is it..." One by one he began dropping the passports by her feet, listing them off as he went. "Magda Swan, from America? Elizabeth Scott, England? Klara Schreiber, from Germany? Or is it Abigail Brenner, from Australia?"

"If I say Klara, will you tell me where Klaus Dietrich is?" Elena asked sarcastically, tilting her head to the side. A half smiled quirked up on his face.

"Funny," he replied, taking a seat opposite her on the makeshift bed as he opened up a file. "Elena Saoirse Burroughs, twenty-seven years old, born in California to parents Gregory and Melissa Burroughs. The youngest of four with three older brothers... Sean, Fionn, and Alexander. Last seen in America a year ago now with an unidentified man before disappearing without a trace." With that he closed the file, eyes locking with hers. "You're a long way from home, Miss Borroughs."

"Home is only a few doors down," Elena replied sweetly, a smile on her face. "But by all means, if you think I should be back home, lead the way. He'll be waiting."

"How did you meet Barnes?" Everett asked, but Elena only shook her head, fake smile still plastered on her face.

"Where is he?"

"What do you know about him?"

"Where is he?"

"Why were you two in Vienna-"

"Why do you think it was him who killed those people?" Elena interrupted, tilting her head to the side. Everett sat up straighter, seemingly surprised to have gotten a different question from her.

"There's video footage of him there at the time," he told her, making Elena shrug and shake her head.

"Well it's not him," she said. "We've been in Buchacrest for the past month now. Nice place to start a new life without all Hell breaking loose- or at least, it was."

"Well isn't that an image that brings a tear to the eye," Everett said with mock sympathy, crossing his arms over his chest. "The Winter Soldier, the most deadly assassian of all time, settling down in Romania with his all-American girlfriend."

"All Irish girlfriend, really. Did you not pick that up in the middle name? First generation American citizen, but not by blood, only by place of birth," Elena corrected.

"Oh, my mistake," Everett replied sarcastically. "But still, do you honestly expect me to believe that the Winter Soldier would suddenly decide to play happy families after a lifetime of murdering innocent people?"

"The Winter Soldier wouldn't, no. But Bucky would," Elena told him, leaning forward and staring at the man earnestly. "Look, the Winter Soldier is dead. Bucky killed him, and it took a lot of effort for him to get to a place where he is in control of himself and ready to start again, to move past the torture that he's had inflicted upon him for the past seventy years, but he's ready. What happened in Vienna is devastating, but I promise you Bucky had nothing to do with it."

For a moment Everett didn't reply. In truth, Elena didn't expect him to straight away. Instead, he stood up and began pacing the small space, Elena watching him the whole time. When he stopped, he turned towards her and spoke.

"I'm going to take you to where Captain Rogers is. I'd rather you not be left alone so close to where Barnes is right now. You're not to leave the office," he told her. Elena stood up, a glimmer of hope catching her heart. 

"So you believe me?" She asked, earning a sharp, two toned laugh before he cut himself off.

"No. But I've got work to do upstairs and I'd rather have an eye on you while I get through it," he explained before poking his head out the door and calling for guards. As Elena followed Everett down the long hallway, she looked back over her shoulder towards the large door at the end. She swallowed, her stomach pinching at the thought of being so far away from Bucky once again.

_I'll come back to you_ , she thought.  _Then we'll both be free._

_** [~] ** _


	26. - Red -

"How are you holding up?" Steve asked as soon as the door closed behind Everett Ross. Standing by the entry Elena sighed, making her way past the watchful Sam and towards Steve, rubbing at her free wrists. For a moment she didn't answer,  eyes focused intently on the screens outside the office. She clenched her fists tightly, pushing away the urge to lift a hand up as though she could trace the shape of him on the glass in front of her and conjure him here. The thought of him made her swallow, eyebrows furrowed.

"I just want to get him out of here," she murmured. Steve frowned, looking at her with curiousity.

"You two are close, then?" He asked. Only then did it occur to Elena that the pair hadn't actually been formaly aquainted.  _Doesn't feel that way,_ she thought to herself, looking up at the man. While she still felt vaguely intimidated by him - this  _was_  a man she had learnt about in history classes back in high school - she was not frightened of him. In fact, she trusted him. The history he shared with Bucky was one of those reasons why she felt that way, but there was a gentleness to him that she also picked up on. She smiled sadly.

"We are," she replied as the door opened. Looking over her shoulder a blonde woman - the same one who had been standing with Everett when they had arrived - had entered.

"The receipt for your gear," she announced, handing a slip of paper to Sam. As Elena turned her attention back towards the screens outside she heard Sam mumble grumpily.

"Bird costume, come on."

"I didn't write it," the woman replied. For a moment it was silent. All there was to do was watch the screens and wonder what was being said. That didn't last too long though. With a flash of light the screen in the office came to life and a man's voice filled the space.

_"I'm not here to judge you,"_  he was saying, Elena stepping back so she could look up at the screen properly.  _"I just want to ask you a few questions. Do you know where you are, James? I can't help you if you don't talk to me, James."_

_"My name is Bucky."_  Elena didn't think that the sound of his voice would make her inhale sharply, but it did. He sounded so tired and Elena couldn't help but start asking questions in her head.  _Have they fed you? Have they let you sleep? Did they leave you in a room all by yourself this entire time?  You're still wearing the same clothes from last time. They let me change, why didn't they let you? And your nightmares, baby, your nightmares. Mine have been terrible._

"Bucky..." Elena whispered underneath her breath. Vaguely, she heard Steve's voice.

"...get seven billion people looking for the Winter Soldier."

"Are you saying someone framed him to find him?" The woman's voice was louder, clearer, and at the suggestion of a framing taking place Elena turned away from the screen, eyes wide. 

"Framing?" she repeated, making the woman nod. "Of course. That's what I told that Everett man. We weren't there, it wasn't us." Beside her Steve nodded, although Elena could see that the wheels were still turning in his head as he thought. From the table Sam spoke.

"Steve, we looked for the guy for two years and found nothing."

"We didn't bomb the UN," Steve answered. "That turns a lot of heads."

"Yeah, but that doesn't guarantee that whoever framed him would get a guarantee that we would," the woman replied, before a look of realization passed across her face. The same one passed over Steve's as he looked back at the screen, Elena following suit.

"Yeah..."

On the screen, Bucky continued to sit in silence as the man spoke.

_"Tell me, Bucky. You've seen a great deal, haven't you?"_

_"I don't wanna talk about it."_

_"Do you feel that, if you open your mouth, the horrors might never stop?"_  the man asked, and Elena raised an eyebrow, taking a step forward.

"Why is he asking him these things?" she said defensively. "He doesn't want to talk about it. He won't, not to this man. Who does he think he is?" 

Whoever he was, Elena's suspicions against him only grew when he spoke once more.

_"Don't worry. We only have to talk about one."_

"What the-" Elena began, before suddenly the screens cut out and the room went black. As the backup generator kicked in, the area dimly lit, Elena felt Steve's hand take her hand gently just as the woman spoke.

"Sublevel five, east wing."

Without a word Elena, Steve, and Sam ran out of the office, Steve letting go of her hand as soon as they had made it into the hallway and powering ahead of the other two. While the lights flashed red around them all Elena could see was smoke and fire and red and blood-

_It had hurt. It had gotten all over her face. She could feel the coldness of the concrete beneath her body, hear the screams of those men, bullets after bullets after bullets. She heard a familiar voice, a man. Gideon. And then nothing. And then light._

But they hadn't been red. Not in those fuzzy memories of hers. They hadn't been red.

When they reached the east wing every guard on sight was knocked out cold, lying unresponsive on the ground. As they walked closer to the cell block though, they heard a whisper.

"Help..."

Elena didn't like the thoughts that entered her head when she approached the man who lay on the ground, Steve striding ahead, but she couldn't help it: he was reminding her of Gideon. He asked too many questions about the things Bucky had seen.

"Get up," Steve ordered, pulling the man to his feet and shoving him against the wall when he was too slow, Elena watching with narrowed blue eyes from behind. "What do you want?"

At first, Elena hadn't noticed it, but then the colour caught her eye. Sticking out from beneath his jacket was a red notebook, and suddenly she was back in that tiny cell with Gideon standing in front of her.

_"Has he told you anything about a red notebook?"_

"No-" Elena choked out, the realization hitting her like a truck. The man smiled.

"To see an empire fall."

There was a crack from behind and spinning around, Elena watched as Bucky picked Sam up and threw him onto his cage, knocking him out cold and making her gasp.

"No, Bucky!" She cried as Steve let go of the man, throwing himself at Bucky who was easily able to block and kick Steve into the other room, advancing on him with no intention of stopping. Elena turned around to stare at the man, a small smile on his face, and she shoved him hard against the wall, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the book. 

"Where did you get this!? Why do you have it?!" she shouted. He didn't reply, though, only shaking his head. There was a sound of metal ripping and Elena turned towards where it was coming from.

"You better go stop him before he kills again," the man said before chuckling, and with a growl she threw him onto the ground, chucking the book aside before racing off down the hall. 

She found him quick enough following the trail of bodies he left behind. As he entered the large cafateria hall and took out two guards, she ran up from behind, jumping on a table and using it to launch herself onto his back. His metal hand reached over and grabbed at the back of her shirt, pulling her over towards the front, but before he could throw her aside she clasped her hands against his cheeks, getting him to look at her.

"Bucky, stop it!" she said quickly, staring into his eyes. While they continued to look at her blankly, she could see them flickering, as though searching for something in her own. Before she could say anything else, though, there was a cry, and Bucky spun her aside, fighting off two men with one arm, the other holding her away from the fight. When the men fell he let go of her, continuing to move forward. When she tried to grab on to him he would only shake her aside, occasionally pushing her away, however Elena noticed that he was never forceful with her in the same way Thomas had been.  _He's still there somewhere_ , she thought. However, as two men attacked him Elena found herself being shoved aside by one of them hard enough to make her hit the floor. With a growl Bucky turned on the man who had touched Elena, flipping him over a table and taking from him a gun that he pointed at the man, finger on the trigger. In the background Elena reached up and there was a sound of horror coming from her mouth -

That cut off as soon as the pair were hit with some kind of pulse that had Elena doubling over and clutching her ears. When she looked back up, head a little fuzzy from the force of it, she saw that Bucky was sparring with none other than Tony Stark. In any other time or place Elena might've been pleasantly starstruck to be seeing the celebrity, however in this moment she was begging that Bucky wouldn't hurt him or he Bucky. She almost bit her tongue off when Bucky pointed the gun at Tony, pulling the trigger only for the bullet to be stopped by a hand wrapped in red metal. Without a word Bucky kicked Tony away before having to deal with the blonde woman from before, quickly joined by a redhead who he pinned to the table. As Elena made to run at Bucky, preparing herself to go for his knees like he had told her to do multiple times when it came to fighting others, T'Challa turned up. Her heartrate levels jumped up even more seeing the man who had sworn vengence against Bucky fighting him, but Bucky was able to get away quickly, rushing up the stairs while Elena came to the aid of the redhead woman, pulling her up from the table. She looked at her with slight puzzlement.

"You-" she gasped, but Elena just shook her head, looking up the stairs to where Bucky and T'Challa were once again fighting.

"Sorry, I-I'm sorry," she breathed before rushing away from the woman. By the time Elena made it upstairs the two men were down the other side, and Elena watched as Bucky threw himself over the side. She watched as T'Challa looked over the bannister, looking ready to throw himself over. Before he could, though, he felt his legs give way and he was falling on his side, quickly recovering. Standing in front of him, poised to fight, was the woman from the van. He frowned darkly, staring at her.

"He won't get away from me," he murmured. 

"He will if I have anything to do with it," Elena snapped back before launching herself at the man. 

They weren't evenly matched: T'Challa had years of training behind him where Elena had less than two. However, both were quick, and where T'Challa had experience behind him, she had red hot passion and tricks that only the Winter Soldier could have passed on to her. Any other day T'Challa may have commended the woman for being able to keep up with him, blocking a majority of the hits he sent her way, getting some of her own in. However, the image of his father lying dead in the rubble flashed before his eyes, and all he could think about was Barnes and how this woman was stopping him from getting the man. With narrowed eyes, the man ran up one side of the wall before using it to launch himself at her, fist raised. She hadn't been ready for this trick, and with only a small moment to begin to bring her arms up to attempt to block it, his fist found its mark against the side of her face and the woman dropped like a stone. He cast one glance her way, part of him wondering why she was so set on protecting a murderer, before he leaped over the bannister and followed Barnes out of the building. 

**_ [~] _ **


	27. - Handle With Care -

She was the first person he saw when he came to. And yet, he couldn't help but panic a little when he realized his arm was trapped. Making soothing noises, Elena brushed her hands through Bucky's hair, his head turning towards her. She was smiling softly at him, eyebrows furrowed in concern, blue eyes clear and piercing-

Not clear. Blinking away the blurriness that had been clouding his vision, Bucky stared at Elena intently. One of her eyes was clear, yes, but the other one... She had burst a blood vessel which was now painting the whites of her eye red, and around it, purple and black stormclouds. With a gasp, Bucky shook his head, attempting to move closer to her but only being pulled back due to his clamped arm. All he could think about were the bruises that Thomas had given her. All he could think about was the bullet he had sent into her skull. He began to panic, breathing coming in short, sharp gasps that Elena tried to calm.

"Baby, calm down, it's okay," she murmured, trying to get him to focus on her as he searched the room in a daze.

"Where are we? What happened? Did I-" 

"Hush, we're safe, we're okay," Elena said gently, taking a deep breath. "What happened... happened."

"Jesus," Bucky breathed, feeling like he was going to be sick. That bruise was new and he couldn't remember how she had gotten it - couldn't remember anything - which made him think the worst. His breathing hitched up a level, eyes wild at the thought. "Oh God. Oh Jesus, no...Did-Did I hurt you again?!"

"No! No, not... not again. I'm fine," she comforted him, cupping the side of his face. "Baby, breathe, okay? Just breathe with me. Come on, come back to me, love."

When he had calmed down enough, swallowing back the bile that had risen in his throat at the thought of hurting her, Elena chuckled softly, brushing a strand of hair out of his face. With his free hand he took hold of it, looking at her knuckles. They were a bright red, some of them bruised slightly, but otherwise fine. He kissed them softly as she spoke. 

"That King T'Challa can pack a punch, though. Thankfully Sam found me and was able to bring me here."

"Sam?" Bucky questioned, looking up with eyebrows furrowed. Elena turned away from him, Bucky following her gaze to where Steve and the other man - Sam - was standing. Without a word the pair stepped into the large area, Steve's blue eyes focused on him. 

"Steve," Bucky murmured, Elena shuffling around slightly so she was facing in the same direction he was.

"Which Bucky am I talking to?" Steve asked, face a blank mask as he stared at him. Searching through his mind to find something that would be able to prove his relative stability, Bucky found a piece of information that could help.

"Your mom's name was Sarah," Bucky said, before smiling, chuckling to himself with a sound that made Elena mirror his smile. "You used to wear newspapers in your shoes."

"Can't read that in a museum," Steve replied, and the couple were glad to see a soft smile appear on his face. Sam, however, wasn't as appeased, arms crossed against his chest. 

"Just like that we're supposed to be cool?" He asked, staring at Bucky carefully.

"What did I do?" Bucky asked, but Elena shushed him, shaking her head while she held his hand.

"We don't have to talk about that right now," she said, but it was too late. Bucky was already retreating inside himself again, sick with worry and guilt about what had occurred. He looked at her, pain visible in his blue eyes, and he shook his head as she tried to comfort him.

"Oh God, I knew this would happen," he moaned, Elena cupping his face with both hands, murmuring softly to try and bring him back from his mind. "Everything HYDRA put inside me is still there. All he had to do was say the goddamn words."

"Who was he?" Steve asked.

"I don't know," Bucky admitted, looking into Elena's eyes. Seeing those comforting light blue pools made him let out a deep sigh, and he looked up towards Steve when he began to speak once again.

"People are dead. The bombing, the set-up, the doctor did all that just to get ten minutes with you. I need you to do better than "I don't know."" He said, and while Elena understood where Steve was coming from with his words, she couldn't help but frown at the tone of them. After a moment Bucky spoke.

"He wanted to know about Siberia. Where I was kept. He wanted to know exactly where."

"Why would he need to know that?" Steve asked.

"Because I'm not the only Winter Soldier."

**//**

The Winter Soldiers were one of the most terrifying things Elena had ever heard about. They were something straight out of a horror story, one that her brothers might have told her about when she was a child on halloween. She could still hear Bucky's words about them echoing in her ears.

_"The most elite death squad. More kills than anyone in HYDRA history, and that was before the serum. They speak thirty languages, can hide in plain sight, infiltrate, assassinate, destabilize. They can take a whole country down in one night and you'd never see them coming."_

If these were the soldiers that man was after, then Elena didn't know how they would be able to beat them. Bucky himself was pretty much unbeatable, and he had admitted to her while Steve and Sam had been talking that he had been the weakest out of them.

"I showed them the ropes," he had murmured, rubbing his freed metal arm while Elena had listened. "Trained them on how to become the Winter Soldier. But eventually they would surpass me. In the end, I'd become their punching bag."

That had been hours ago. Now, they were hiding away in a new building on the outskirts of town, their first stolen vehicle ditched a half hour walk from their overnight stay. While it wasn't a five star hotel - the large, concrete building was desolate, dirty, and really should have been knocked down a decade earlier - it was sheltered. And for the first time in days, the longest they had ever been apart from one another, Bucky and Elena were together again. With her kindle still back in headquarters along with her and Bucky's things, Elena had to steal a book while they made their move to their new place. Luck had been on their side, however, and she had managed to find an english copy of  _Othello_ in a bookstore, swiping it without the owner's noticing.

Sitting around a small burning bonfire, Bucky lying with his head in her lap, she read to him, one hand combing through his hair while she leaned against the wall. On one side of the fire Sam was already asleep, using his arms as a pillow, while on the other Steve sat with knees pulled up and arms wrapped around on top, listening intently.

"' _That I love the Moor to live with him, my downright violence, and storm of fortunes, may trumpet to the world_ ,'" Elena read softly, her voice carrying in the empty space. She felt Bucky shift against her legs before settling once more, letting out a deep breath. "' _My heart's subdued even to the very quality of my lord. I saw Othello's visage in his mind, and to his honors and his valiant parts did I my soul and fortunes consecreate. So that, dear lords, if I be left behind, a moth of peace, and he go to the war, the rites for why I love him are bereft me, and I a heavy interim shall support by his dear absence. Let me go with him._ '" 

Looking down at her lap she realized that Bucky had fallen asleep, eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks as he dreamed. A soft smile on her face, Elena put the book down and brushed his cheek, gazing down on his sleeping form. Across the circle Steve watched her, curious. It was so strange to see Bucky in a state of complete relaxation and calm after seeing him as the Winter Soldier. It reminded him of the days before the war when they had just been two kids in Brooklyn. He felt a pinch in his heart at the thought of those memories and he frowned.

"You read to him often?" Steve asked, eyes meeting Elena's when she looked up at him. She nodded.

"Almost every night. It comforts him," she told him, looking back down at the man who was sleeping. Steve leaned forward, casting a glance at Sam who was still asleep.

"How did you two meet?"

"I was a librarian in Seattle. He appeared one day and became a familiar face," Elena explained before pausing. Steve noticed the hesitation in her eyes, but after a short moment where it looked like she was fighting with herself, she spoke once more. "Bucky saved my life. I was in a bad relationship and he helped free me. We've been together ever since."

"So you know everything," Steve asked. Elena nodded.

"I do. First hand," she said, looking at him. She must've caught his eyes flicker towards the scars on the left side of her face because she moved her hair out of the way, tilting it towards the light of the flames. She traced a finger across the two longer, thinner scars.

"Metal tongs, which isn't usually a tool one would suspect with causing scars like this. But if you really want something to hurt, you'll make it happen, I guess. That was from the ex-fiance," she told him before her hand moved back, brushing against the larger, bumpier scar that disappeared into her hairline. The only evidence that it continued onwards was her ear, the top half of it missing and scarred at the top. "Bullet. That was HYDRA. Bucky would say differently if you asked him, but... but you won't ask him."

It wasn't a question. Steve knew from her tone that it was a command. He nodded, a pang of sympathy directed towards his old friend. He knew what her words were implying and it hurt him to know how horribly HYDRA must've treated him if they turned him against the woman he loved. It hurt even more when he realized he hadn't even scratched the surface of Bucky's pain.

"Do...do you ever want to go back?" Steve asked. Elena tilted her head in thought.

"Back where? Buchacrest, before all of this happened?" she asked, before gazing away wistfully. "I wouldn't mind. It was lovely there. Or do you mean the States?"

"Maybe... Maybe just back to normality," Steve clarified. Elena shrugged, looking into the flames so that her blue eyes looked like dark blue ice on fire. 

"Normality... Would it surprise you if I said normality only came to me when Bucky did?" She asked. Steve blinked, taken aback by her comment.

"Really?"

"Really," Elena confirmed with a nod. "Before Bucky, it always felt like I was living a half life. Thomas - he was my fiance - he cut me off from my family in California as soon as we moved to Seattle. I was working in a job that I liked but did not love. I was lonely. But then Bucky turned up and... And I started feeling whole. I started living a full life with him. I want him to feel the same way."

"So, you wouldn't go back, then?" Steve asked. Elena smiled crookedly, looking down at Bucky.

"No," she whispered, touching his metal arm gently. While it was cold, she did not shiver. She had grown used to his touch. "Not without him."

"I'm..." Steve trailed off, looking down from Elena to Bucky. In sleep, Steve could see James Buchanan Barnes, before the Winter Soldier, before HYDRA, before the war. In sleep, Steve could see his childhood best friend. He could see the two of them playing in the streets of Brooklyn with the other kids, anything to get out of their leaking houses or to distract from the hunger that had plagued them both throughout the years. He could see himself getting into fights with the boys who would call Bucky a mick or himself a fairy, Bucky having to jump in to save his ass every time. In sleep, Steve could see the friend he had hugged goodbye at Howard Stark's exhibition. He hadn't been able to see that when they had met once more on the motorway, or when they had been fighting on the helicarriers.  _What did you do to bring him back,_ Steve wanted to ask Elena.  _How can I ever repay you for bringing him back to looking like himself again?_ Instead, he swallowed, looking back up at Elena who was gazing at him with soft eyes. "I'm glad he found you, Elena."

Elena smiled, looking down at the man she loved before returning her gaze back towards Steve. 

"We found each other," she replied gently, earning a small smile from Steve. After a moment Elena leaned back against the wall, closing her eyes, while Steve stared into the flames, hugging his legs to his chest tightly. Thinking that she had fallen asleep, he looked back over at the couple and spoke beneath his breath what he had wanted to say before.

"Thank you for finding me too. Thank you for bringing him back-"

"To you," she whispered, eyes still shut. "He needs you as well, Steve. We found each other means all of us. All of us, Steve, always."

Steve didn't reply at first, swallowing down the shock that she was still awake and had heard him. After a moment, though, he broke the silence that had fallen over them.

"Till the end of the line."

**_ [~] _ **


	28. - Civil War -

They met them the next day at the airport. Three people: Clint Barton, aka Hawkeye, an older man who had a witty sense of sarcasm, Scott Lang, a man new to the superhero game, and Wanda Maximoff, a young woman with superhuman abilities that Elena had never seen before. Before the group could leave in the helicopter Barton had prepared for them, though, an alarm sounded through the air that signalled one thing: They had been found. As they prepared for what would be a fight for survival and escape, suiting up for the oncoming battle, Bucky pulled Elena over to the back of their car.

"Take these. You'll need them," he murmured, clipping a belt with two handguns and refills attached to it around her waist. As Elena removed her jacket, leaving her in her leather boots, black jeans, and an equally black singlet, Bucky began fastening more belts to her thighs and around the bottom of her left leg, both carrying smaller weapons of their own. Elena frowned as he made her slip her arms into a gun holster, clipping it across her chest.

"All of them?" she said, touching the belt gently. Bucky smiled softly. 

"Well, not my knife, of course. You've got your own."

"It's a bit excessive, isn't it? I feel like Lara Croft," Elena said before touching his hands, stilling their movements. "Anyway, I don't like the idea of you not being armed."

"And I don't like the idea of you being caught up in all this," Bucky replied, looking down at the ground. "But... but we are."

Elena smiled sadly, stepping forward and wrapping her arms around his back and pressing her face against his chest.

"I wish we were back in Buchacrest," she murmured as Bucky held her close to him, pressing his nose against her hair and inhaling deeply. "I wish we were saying dirty words in different languages and complaining about tangled hair and throwing fruit."

"I wish we were back in Seattle at the shelter, unknown to the world. You were supposed to be a teacher..."

"And instead I've become the student," Elena finished, pulling away slightly so she could look up at him. "I wish I was of more use to you and the others-"

"No-" Bucky said, shaking his head.

"Yes, Bucky," Elena insisted, stepping away from him and holding his hands in hers. "I feel so useless. No powers, no special suit, with the bare minumum combat training. I wish I could be of more service."

"Well, I'm glad you can't because that means you won't have much to do," Bucky replied. The look on Elena's face made him frown, the arched eyebrow and narrowed eyes aimed at him. He knew this look. 

"So what? I have to sit on the sidelines and watch you risk your life?" she argued, stubborness written all over her face.

"Doll, come on-" Bucky began, but Elena shook her head.

"No, look, listen. I..." Elena trailed off, looking away from Bucky and towards some of the others who were scattered around the carpark in a variety of shades of undressed. "I want to help you and them. I want to do something."

"Then do this: Don't get caught up in the crossfire," Bucky said as Elena turned back to him. "Not out there in the main area. I can't have that happen."

"It... It won't," she promised. Bucky grimaced, cupping her face with one hand and touching the dog tags that lay against her chest with the other, his metal hand cool against her warm skin.. Silently, Elena placed one hand on top of his. He looked at her with a frown.

"I'm gonna make sure of that."

The plan was to distract and run. Steve would go out to the waiting helicopter, meeting whoever ended up following, Scott accompanying him. Wanda and Clint would take the carpark, while Bucky, Sam, and Elena would take the terminal and scout out a spare jet to get them out of there. Out of all three, it was the safest option not just for Elena, but for Bucky as well, who was the prime target by all those hunting them. After agreeing to the plan the group split up, and together the trio waited in the terminal for Sam to find the jet and Steve to give them the signal. It didn't take too long, and soon Elena's rapid heartbeat was justified. As they raced down the terminal a creature in red and blue followed them from outside, crawling along the glass and almost making Elena pause at the sight of it. She wasn't the only one shocked or surprised by the appearance.

"What the hell is that?!" Bucky asked as they ran, Sam sounding like he was rolling his eyes as he replied.

"Everybody's got a gimic."

Before anyone could say a word, there was a crash and suddenly Sam was flying through the air. Skidding to a stop Elena spun around, pulling out a gun and aiming it at the intruder just as Bucky threw a punch. However, they were able to block it easily.

"Woah! You have a metal arm?" The intruder said, making Elena lower her weapon with mouth wide open. _It's a kid_ , she thought.  _They've got a kid fighting?! Jesus-_

As Sam flew into the kid, drawing him away from Bucky, the couple continued to run, following behind. Elena had put her gun away, watching as the kid and Sam fought from the rafters. There was no way in hell she'd be able to bring herself to shoot a kid, even if it was to just wound. Pulling her behind a pillar, Bucky ripped a sign from the ground and launched it at the kid before hiding behind the pillar with her. Only a few seconds later, though, it was returned their way, crashing into the side of the pillar and throwing the pair onto the ground. When they got up, they saw that Sam was stuck to the glass bannister and the kid was launching himself at him. Without a word, Bucky threw himself in front of the man who only hours earlier hadn't given him enough legroom in the car, using himself as a shield. The pair flew down a floor, landing hard on their backs, and Elena watched as they were stuck to the floor with a white stringy substance. Looking up, Elena saw that the kid was looking at her, and despite herself she couldn't help but blurt out:

"Shouldn't you be in school?!"

"Well, yeah, but when Mr Stark asks you for help, you don't say no, do you?" He replied, tilting his head to the side. "You're not gonna use any of those guns, right? Cause, I'll have to take you out, you know? Mmm, you know what? Just as a precaution-"

And suddenly one of Elena's hands was attached to the remaining glass bannister.

"What the fu-"

"Guys, look, I'd love to keep this up but I've only got one job here today and I've gotta impress Mr Stark, so, I'm really sorry-"

Before he could finish, though, he was gone, and from the floor below Elena heard Bucky and Sam speak.

"You couldn't have done that earlier?"

"I hate you."

After cutting herself out of the apparent webbing and making her way downstairs, Elena was able to cut Sam and Bucky free as well. Together, the trio raced out of the terminal and onto the tarmac where they could see the others. Slowing down, Bucky spoke.

"You're not going out there, doll."

"Usually I listen when it comes to this kind of thing, Bucky, but not today," Elena argued as they ran. "I'm not leaving-"

Grabbing her with both arms and pulling her behind a nearby car, Bucky stopped, looking down at her with eyes that were pleading.

"We got away lightly with whatever that thing was before," he told her. "Not this time. Not out there. So wait here, keep a safe distance."

"Bucky-" Elena cut herself off, looking away from him before turning and looking towards the hanger. "Okay, I'll... I'll get to the jet. I'll see if I can get it ready, maybe. I can do that."

With a relieved smile, Bucky nodded. 

"You can do that," he repeated, before kissing her hard. When he pulled away, Elena gripped his arms tightly.

"I'll see you later," she murmured.

"Come back to me."

"Yo, lovebirds! Let's go!" Sam called, and with a smile and a roll of his eyes, Bucky turned and ran off, Elena watching as the pair joined the rest of the group that ran onwards, eventually being met by the other group. With both sides having all team members occupied, Elena took this moment to take the long way around to the hanger, ducking behind the multiple vehicles as she ran. When she heard the fighting beginning behind her she did her best to not turn back, knowing that if she saw Bucky was in any trouble she would be plagued by the need to go back and help. No matter how many times this kind of thing would happen, she would always get that feeling and it was always difficult to fight off. Knowing that Bucky was up against other enhanced beings, that fear was escalated. She pushed on, though, and eventually she made it to the hanger. It was as she was on the jet and trying to figure out how to start the damn thing that she heard the boys talking in her earpiece, Sam's voice cutting through the plan Steve had been coming up with.

_"No, you two get to the jet. Both of you. The rest of us aren't getting out of here."_

_"As much as I'd hate to admit it,"_ Clint said. _"I_ _f we're gonna win this one, some of us might have to lose it."_

 _"This isn't the real fight, Steve,"_ Sam said, and with that, Elena listened as a new plan was hatched.From the windows of the jet, Elena watched as Scott suddenly grew into a giant, her eyes widening in amazement that she couldn't help but swear over, momentarily distracting her until she heard Steve's voice over the intercom.

_"Elena, how's the jet going?"_

"I'm not gonna lie, I have no idea what any of these controls do, and I'm a little afraid to test them in case I... take off without you guys or crash into the building," Elena admitted with a little laugh. However, she cut off when she saw a figure behind the boys that were currently running towards the hanger. With wide eyes Elena raced out of the jet and towards the entrance of the hanger, pulling her guns out as she began to move forward and shoot at the floating figure in a cape and the dark metal man. 

_"Elena, get back in that jet-"_

"I'm covering your tails," Elena interrupted Bucky, the boys closer now. Just as they were nearing each other, though, a beam of light caught the tower next to the hanger and it began to fall.

"Elena!"

Bucky grabbed her arm just as a red force caught the tower, stopping it from cutting off their entrance or flattening them to death. Holding her free hand, Bucky pulled her back towards the hanger. Before they could get very far, though, Bucky felt Elena's hand leave hers and he turned to see that she was pointing her gun at a figure in black. With every shot T'Challa continued to advance, and before Bucky could stop and turn back, the other man had grabbed Elena and yanked her backwards, sending her flying through the air and away from the hanger. 

"Elena!" He shouted, turning to run back towards her just as the red force disappeared and the tower began to fall.

"Bucky, no!" Bucky felt himself being pulled back into the hanger and together he and Steve stumbled into the hanger, the tower collapsing in front of them. Bucky felt like he was going to be sick, the realization that he and Elena were now seperated hitting him like a truck. He couldn't take one step forward before Steve was grabbing him by the arm, pulling him away from the rubble.

"I can't leave her-" Bucky said, staring at Steve with wild eyes. "I can't leave her here!"

"She would want you to!" Steve argued, clasping his friend at the back of his neck and pulling him forward, staring deep into his eyes. Bucky could see the guilt in Steve's eyes and his shoulders dropped, his own guilt doubling at the knowledge that all this was happening because of him.

"They're not going to hurt her, Bucky," Steve explained gently. "But I can't say the same about you. Elena doesn't need that to happen, and..." Steve paused, letting out a breath. "And neither do I. We'll come back for them, but it's like what Sam said. This isn't the main fight. So come on."

**_//_ **

When Elena woke up, she was in a cell and Bucky was nowhere to be seen.

**_ [~] _ **


	29. - Bring Him Home -

She hadn't noticed his arrival until Clint began to clap.

"The futurist, gentlemen! The futurist is here! He sees all! He knows what's best for you, whether you like it or not." 

Whatever words he traded with Clint she could not hear. She was sitting at the end of her own cell, curled up against the wall and trying not to think about how long it had been since she had last seen Bucky, or how long it had been since she had heard from Wanda, or whether or not Steve and Bucky had even managed to escape the airport. She had heard about an accident that had occurred at the airport once she had regained conciousness after being thrown across the tarmac. However, there had been no other information about it, and the people who carried them off to this prison hadn't given them anything either. Instead they spat insults about being traitors to their country, to the world, promising that they would be punished for their crimes. Since being in the cell all of the prisoners had kept to themselves, quiet or shouting threats to the security cameras that watched them day and night. They weren't to speak amongst one another, and even if they did, what could they say that would not be heard? It was better to sit in silence, praying to every God that Bucky and Steve had escaped, and that is what Elena would do. 

"You gotta watch your back with this guy," Clint was saying now. "There's a chance he's gonna break it!"

For a moment there was no noise, but Elena knew that the figure was still there. There was an energy in the room that had started to shake when they had entered, and it hadn't left yet. Eventually, the soft footsteps Elena heard came to a stop. She inhaled, let her body stiffen, exhaled, still kept it tight. Of course she wouldn't go unnoticed. He had noticed her as soon as he had walked in, and now it was time for a chat.

"You're with the boys, then?" Tony asked, stopping in front of the blonde's cell. She lifted up her head when she heard him stop, standing up and turning around to face him. He couldn't help but recoil slightly when her blue eyes met his brown ones. While the right side of her face was relatively fine, save for a few scrapes and bruises, the left side had some noticeable scarring around the cheekbone, ear, and hairline that was hard to ignore. He was wondering how she had gotten them when she spoke.

"I don't have superpowers," she said, walking towards the front of the cell slowly, moving carefully past the upturned mattress. "Non-supers in here, Wanda in the other room. I wish they did split the genders up, though, if it at least meant that Wanda wasn't by herself. I've heard rumour that we're the only souls on this damn thing. Must be lonely."

Tony frowned at the mention of Wanda, knowing full well that she was alone, but he didn't let the blonde's words get to him. He tilted his head to the side, watching her carefully. He had barely seen this woman at the airport but he knew she must've been there. He thought he had caught a glimpse of her when Barnes had escaped the headquarters, constantly grabbing at the man as he destroyed everything in his path apart from her. He had seen her at the headquarters in the office space, talking to Steve while her eyes had stayed locked on the screens outside their room. There was a glimmer in her eyes when they had been staring at Barnes on the screen. She still had it now. He knew that glimmer well.

"What's your deal, huh?" he asked. "You and Barnes? Are you two together?"

"Obviously not, seeing as I'm here and he's..." the woman trailed off and Tony had to control himself to not let any of his real emotions show on his face. She looked sick with worry, looking away from Tony for a moment so she could collect herself. When she looked back at him there was an icy glare in her eyes and a sharper tone than before. "I don't get one."

"What?"

"I don't get one. A deal. Deal or no deal - no deal!" she told him in fake cheer, glaring at him through the glass. "Because, according to the  _assholes_  who have locked all of us up, I am too intimately involved with the man everyone is calling 'terrorist.'"

"Your words, not... not mine," Tony replied with a frown. The woman laughed tensely, a flash of wildness crossing her face as she stepped right up close to the glass.

"No, everyone's words  _but_ mine," she hissed. "Everything you've been told has been a lie. He's innocent. As if you would care, though."

"You fought for the wrong side," Tony said, louder than he had meant to, earning an incredilous look from the woman. Beside her in the other cell he heard Clint slam his hands against the glass. He had heard him too.

"Fighting on behalf of the innocent is the wrong side?! Jesus, this world...." the woman growled, pacing away from Tony before laughing darkly, spinning around to stare him down and throwing her hands in the air. "But fuck it. I'll fight for him, just as he's fought for me and saved me every single time. Remember that everything that's happened, it's not on him, not really. It's all HYDRA. Blame the abuser,  _not_  the victim."

He was tempted to tell her the truth then and there: that he knew now that Barnes was not guilty. That the man had been set up. But knowing that their conversation was being recorded, Tony fought against that desire, instead asking her one simple question:

"Who are you?"

"A woman who loves an innocent man and just wants to see him again, safe," she replied, her earlier air of anger, frustration, and desperation melting away. Now she just seemed opaque with her emotions and intentions. It made Tony swallow, eyebrows furrowed as he stared at her, head tilted to the side.

"You love him?"

"To the death," she said without hesitation. "To whatever comes after. He's innocent, Mr Stark. If there's any doubt in your mind about Bucky committing what everyone says he has done, please listen to it. It's right."

Tony allowed her words to sit in his mind as he spoke to Sam. He allowed them to hover there in the back, swimming back and forth with all the other things he knew, the things Sam was telling him right now. When their time was up and Tony could no longer block Ross' microphones without arosing suspicion towards himself, Tony turned to leave. Just as he did, though, the woman spoke.

"Hey."

"What?" Tony answered, pausing to look over at her. She was standing in front of the glass, staring at him with an unwavering blue gaze.

"When you find him - and of course you will, you're dead set on it, aren't you? But when you do, just... bring him back to me. Alive. Do that first. Because if you're planning to find him just to kill him, well then..." she trailed off, clenching her fists and looking away for a second before bringing her eyes back to him. "Then kill me too. Now. Or bring him back to me alive."

"I...." Tony hesitated, looking away from her. Her eyes terrified him. They reminded him too much of his own, and anything that reminded him of himself was too much for him to handle, especially when it was found within someone else. Eventually he forced himself to look back into that smoldering fire, nodding stiffly. "I'll bring him back alive."

Without another word Tony Stark turned and left the room, and Elena watched him go, believing that what he said was truth.

**_ [~] _ **


	30. - The Star Cross'd Lovers -

She counted the days with every meal that came through, always the same. Breakfast: Eggs on toast with tea or coffee (The eggs were too liquidy for her taste and always made the toast soggy.) Lunch: A ham and cheese sandwich, two pieces of fruit, and a small green smoothie ("A luxury all of you don't deserve, but Stark had insisted upon," Ross had told them. Clint had thrown his one at the glass wall.) Dinner: Beef meatloaf, mashed potatoes, mixed vegetables, and a glass of milk (the milk was needed; the meatloaf was always dry and made Elena feel like she was swallowing dirt.)

It never changed, so every morning when the eggs on toast with tea or coffee was slipped into her room, she knew it was another day. Right now, Elena was getting started on her twenty-second meal of dry meatloaf, an announcement she had made to the boys.

"I'm sick to death of meatloaf," Scott complained, poking at his food with a plastic fork sadly. "I want Taco Bell. Do you hear me?!" He raised his voice, looking up at the camera in his cell and holding his fork up angrily. "I want Taco Bell, you bastards!"

While he said it in an effort to lighten the ever dark mood, Elena didn't miss the hint of hysterics in his voice. She put her tray down and stood up.

"They can't keep us here forever," she said. "They can't just - just keep us prisoner here forever. Where's our trial? Our lawyers?? This is inhumane."

"We helped a so-called fugitive and his so-called terrorist friend evade capture by the government," Sam replied, arms crossed as he continued to pace in his cell. He had been doing that a lot lately. "That's enough for them to chuck us in here and throw away the key."

"That's not how it should be and they know it," Elena argued, glancing up at the camera. She would stare at it every night as she lay in her bed, unsettled by its stare. It reminded her too much of Thomas, of always being under his surveillance when they were together. Because of this, she had been dreaming of him a lot lately. Once, Bucky had saved her from him. In her dreams, though, he was nowhere to be found. That's why she would wake up screaming. Not because Thomas was beating her within an inch of her life, but because Bucky wasn't there. Her dark circles were growing bigger everyday and the lack of sleep was severly hurting her mind. 

She had never tried to to starve herself before, but she had in an attempt to get away. They started feeding her intravenously until she agreed to eat properly. She started trying to break herself out of her cell, her knuckles connecting with the glass wall again and again, then eventually her whole body weight. They had handcuffed her to her bed to avoid further injuries. She had only been released from those bonds yesterday, but she was thinking about trying it again. She was so close to getting out, she was certain of it.  _There are little cracks on the glass_ , Elena thought as she stared at the wall, one finger coming up to rub against it. She felt nothing but smoothness and she sighed, looking past the glass and at the other cell across from hers.

Clint had been silent for a long time. That didn't stop him from doing the exact same things Elena had done. They had even shared the same doctor when getting fed through needles, sitting next to one another strapped into their chairs. He had looked at her with hard, determind eyes, and she had done the same, but there was a pain that lay between the pair. It wasn't worth it, not this way. If they wanted to escape, they had to be healthy and ready to run. So they had traded in the starvation for the physical attacks. No luck there. But both were unrestrained now, and Elena could see Clint sitting on the floor, frozen.  _He's missing his family_ , she thought.  _He's feeling betrayed by Tony and the others. He's hurting just as much as I am._ She wondered if he was losing his mind too. The thought made a flash of anger pass through her body. With a yell she picked up her tray and chucked it at the glass wall, making Scott jump and Sam turn to look at her. 

"You can't keep us in here!" She shouted at the camera, mania in her eyes. "It's barbaric! Inhumane! I mean - where's Wanda?! Twenty-two dried up meatloaf meals! Are you telling me she's been alone this whole time?! That's just cruel. She doesn't deserve to be alone - none of us deserve to be in here! If you did your jobs properly you would know that we're all innocent! And I mean  _all_  of us - Steve and Bucky too. Bucky and I were in Buchacrest, we were alone and together and  _happy_  and then you - you bastards. You fucking bastards. I'm tired of being watched, I'm tired of being monitered, just let us out! You know you're wrong so... so let us out. Because I can't do this anymore."

With the last sentence Elena slumped down onto the floor, back pressed up against the wall. Breathing deeply, she hung her head between her legs, running both hands through her hair.

"I just want to see him again," she whispered. For a long time there was only silence.

Suddenly, the lights went dim. Looking up, Elena watched as a red light began to flash outside by the doors. Distantly, she heard a siren ringing out. 

"What's going on?" Scott asked, putting his meal to the side. Across from her cell Elena watched as Clint smiled slightly, looking over at her.

"Either you've pissed them off enough to riot, or someone heard you and is making your dreams come true," he said, just as the lights outside went out. 

For a long time all Elena could see was the very dim lights coming from each cell. Eyes slowly adjusting to the lack of light, Elena stared into the darkness. At first, she thought it may have been a trick of the light, but then when it happened again she knew it had to be true. Either that or she had truly lost it. Because, deep in the shadows, something had moved, and it was walking towards Sam. It only took less than a second for Elena to realize who it was.

"Oh my God, Steve," she whispered, staring at the man who stood outside. With a hiss the door of her cell and all the others opened and for the first time in twenty-two days, Elena stepped out of her confines. 

"Come on," he said when the four prisoners were standing before him. "Let's go."

"Wanda?" Clint asked as the group began to move quickly out of the space and into the dim hallway, Elena casting quick glances at the unconcious people who lay on the floor.

"Tasha's got her, we'll meet them at the jet," Steve replied as they made their way up a staircase. Elena frowned, looking up at his face and noticing the scrapes and bruises. 

"Where's Bucky?" Her question didn't slow him down, however his wince told her that she had asked a question he didn't want to answer.

"Not here."

"What-"

"He's safe, Elena. It's all right," he told her as the group emerged from the stairwell and onto a platform where a jet was waiting, Natasha and Wanda standing by the door in wait. Grabbing his arm and stopping him as the others continued forward, Elena stared into Steve's eyes. There was hesitation swimming within them, something he wasn't telling her. Elena shook her head.

"I know him, Steve," she whispered. "If that was true, he would be here."

He didn't reply, instead squeezing her hand gently before pulling her towards the jet.

//

One stop-over later where Elena and Steve said goodbye to Natasha and the others, the pair were nearing their final destination of Wakanda. At first, when Steve had told her about where they were headed, she thought he had lost his mind. However, after explaining that T'Challa was aware of the truth surrounding his father's death - that yes, Bucky was framed - Elena had calmed down. However, her thoughts were still on Bucky. She had asked him multiple times about what was wrong but Steve never answered.

"It's easier if you just see him," he would say instead before falling silent.

It felt like years, but eventually they arrived in Wakanda. The first thought Elena had of the country was that is was bigger and far more technologically advanced than what she thought. The second was that it was as hot as California, the heat hitting her as soon as she stepped out of the plane. Waiting a short distance away from them was the King of Wakanda, a formal smile on his face as Steve and Elena approached. 

"Miss Burroughs. Welcome to Wakanda," he said. Elena nodded, turning her attention away from the landscape and towards T'Challa.

"I was surprised when Steve told me we'd be coming here," she told him. "Last time we saw each other, you were going after Bucky-"

"And you were shooting at me-"

"Who then threw me across the tarmac," Elena finished. T'Challa smiled slightly.

"Then it is even," he replied, and Elena returned the smile. As the group began to walk, eventually entering a large building that thankfully had air conditioning, Elena spoke.

"How bad is it? Steve wouldn't tell me."

"I didn't want you worrying while we flew over," Steve said.

"I did anyway," Elena answered, looking up at the tall man who could only look at her with sad, apologetic eyes. She took his hand and squeezed it gently, acknowledging that whatever had happened had obviously impacted him as well. If Bucky was hurting, then she wasn't the only one worried. Not anymore.

"It is quite bad, but he will heal," T'Challa told her as they made their way downstairs and entered a large room. "Just prepare yourself, though. The way you last saw him is not the way he looks now."

At first, Elena didn't understand what T'Challa had meant. When she caught view of Bucky, he looked okay. Not perfect, of course, battle-worn and bruised, yes, but better than what T'Challa or Steve had been leading her to believe. She couldn't help but let out a breathless gasp of his name when she saw him sitting in his hospital bed, leaning back against a heap of pillows. Hearing the noise, he turned around to face her, and while Elena was now able to see the full extent of his facial wounds - it was worse than what she had seen side on - all she could really see was his blue eyes staring into hers, spilling with love.

"Elena!" He cried, and she watched as he suddenly threw himself off the bed, legs rolling onto the floor as he struggled to get to his feet.

"Bucky!" Elena exclaimed, rushing over to help her lover. "Don't get out of bed!"

"Jesus Christ, babydoll," he was babbling, overexcited about seeing her, and she was distracted, her heart too full to notice that only his right hand was gripping her arm as she helped him back onto the bed, sitting on the edge. It wasn't until she moved away slightly to get a better look at him that she realized. Blood left her face in a second and she fought back the sob that wished to leave her throat.

"Your arm," she choked out, staring at the stump from his shoulder that had been wrapped up. "Oh God, Bucky, what-"

"I'm so sorry, Elena," Bucky interrupted, his only hand cupping her face gently, staring at her with tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorry-"

"Don't be!" Elena said, looking at him in disbelief.  _He cares more for you than he does himself_ , she thought, and soon tears were spilling down her cheeks. She moved closer to him, hands stroking his face gently. "Don't be, that doesn't matter. Jesus, what did he do to you - but he said..."

"Are you all right?" Bucky asked, Elena letting out a broken laugh followed by a sniff.

"I'm fine, it doesn't matter-"

"It does! It does. I missed you," he murmured, leaning forward and pressing his nose against hers. They closed their eyes, concentrating on each other: the feeling of Elena's hands in Bucky's hair, or his against her cheek, or the sound of their breathing. Bucky let out a shaky sigh. He had been a mess since leaving Elena, but now that she was back by his side he felt like he might be okay, really okay. "God, I love you."

"I love you too, Bucky," Elena whispered, pulling away so she could kiss him gently before she pulled him against her chest, cradling him as she ran her fingers through his hair. Over the top of his head Elena caught Steve's eyes, sending a simple question his way:  _What happened?_

He could only shake his head, casting his eyes down before walking out of the room, T'Challa following. Whatever had happened, Elena knew she could find out later. Now, all that mattered was Bucky. They were together again. They could start to heal from those horrible events together.

**_ [~] _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are getting sooo close to Infinity War it's a little terrifying ooof.


	31. - Gift To Me Forever -

He had told them the news at breakfast a week after they had arrived in Wakanda. The words that left his mouth made both of them pause, Elena dropping her cutlery on her plate while Steve stared in open-mouth disbelief. 

"I'm sorry," Elena quickly said, looking down at her plate before looking up at Bucky and Steve, a bewildered smile on her face. "I... I think I heard you wrong, Bucky."

"You didn't," the man replied, unable to look either of them in the eye. Steve cleared his throat, eyebrows furrowed as he stared at his friend, Elena still trying to absorb what it was Bucky had just announced to the pair.

"What... what do you mean you're going back under?" Steve asked.

"I mean, I'm going back into cryosleep."

"How?" Steve said, leaning forward. Bucky swallowed, eyes flickering up to meet his.

"They've got people here who can make it happen. They'll put me under, run some tests, figure out how to get HYDRA's programming out of my head so then what happened in Berlin never happens again-"

"Programming," Elena squeaked, finally beginning to pull herself back into the conversation. Steve frowned at the look on her face, unable to comprehend exactly what it was Elena was experience. For him, he was shocked, sad, but understandable. He wasn't going to stop Bucky from doing what he wanted, especially when it came to something that could be beneficial to his health. He had been controlled long enough. But there was a desperation in Elena's eyes that told him she wouldn't be as willing to let him go like that. "You're - you're not a robot, Bucky. Programming, re-wiring, you're - you're  _human_. You don't have to do this, we can find something else to help-"

"But I don't want to," Bucky interrupted, finally lifting his eyes up to meet Elena's panicked blue ones. "I've spoken to T'Challa. His sister is a genius. She'll be leading the programme. She'll help to heal me."

"But-" Elena stopped herself from finishing off the sentence, realizing how it sounded in her head.  _But that's my job. I can do that. I can heal you._  She wasn't a teenager or part of some soppy romantic film. She swallowed. "I don't understand."

"While I'm under they'll run some tests. They'll figure out what needs fixing and once I'm healed, they'll let me out again."

"But how long will that take?" Steve asked when Elena didn't speak, her mouth opening and closing as she struggled to find the words to reply. At this question she shut it, eyes wide as she stared at Bucky. Having both their eyes on him made Bucky shift in his seat, forehead wrinkled as he thought about it.

"They've never had to do something like this before," he admitted. "It could take weeks... months..."

The thought of losing Bucky for that amount of time made Elena jump out of her chair and she walked away from the table, pacing the room as Bucky watched, Steve instead leaving his eyes on his best friend. 

"Buck..." he murmured, taking hold of his arm. "There must be another way. I - We only just got you back."

"I know," Bucky whispered. It was a decision he hadn't made lightly, and one he had thought about that whole week. It had to be done, though. As though she had read his mind Elena responded, walking over to him with fists clenched.

"I'm going to be selfish and ask you to not do it," she admitted, stopping in front of him. He could see how hard she was trying to keep herself together, her whole body trembling as she took his hand. "I'm going to be selfish and ask you to find another way. Because... because we can. We can find another way to help you to get better, Bucky, I know it. The journals were helping, and the reading. We can find something else, anything... anything but this."

"I wanna say yes, doll," he said softly, looking up at her with sad eyes. He didn't like seeing her in pain, and he was certain that she didn't like asking for something like this. "I wanna say yes so bad, but you know I can't. I..."

He swallowed, looking away from her before glancing over at Steve who was looking just as sad as Elena, biting his lip as though it would stop him from asking the same thing Elena had. That's what Steve wanted to do, eyes flickering from Bucky to Elena. He wasn't brave enought to do so, though, or selfish enough, as Elena had put it. 

"I still get scared that I'm going to hurt you again, Elena. That I'm going to hurt both of you again," Bucky admitted, looking at them. "I can't live like that. This is the best shot I have at getting better, at being able to be around both of you without thinking that - that I might kill you if someone says  _those_  words. It's the only way."

They didn't want to say it. They wanted him to stay. But in the end, they knew it was the right thing to do, no matter how much it hurt. They had to let him go.

**//**

She was standing by the full length windows when Bucky emerged from the shower that evening, trousers on and shirt about to join until he had caught sight of her. He could see her reflection in them, saw the way her eyes met his with a mixture of sadness and a desperate need to be with him. Slowly she allowed part of the blue silk material draped over her shoulders to fall slightly, pale skin glowing in the moonlight. Bucky swallowed, letting his shirt drop to the floor, already feeling the arousal beginning to stir inside him. He was standing  behind her in seconds, using his one hand to pull the material away from her shoulders and onto the floor, leaving his love standing in a white nightgown. Softly he pressed a kiss against her bare shoulder, hand tracing a line down her arm before lacing his fingers with hers. She didn't say a word but Bucky could see the expression on her face in the window: eyes closed, lips parted like a rose in bloom, a soft flush rising to the surface of her cheeks that were not scarred. She turned her head towards him, tilted it upwards, a silent request that Bucky fulfilled.

She had him on their bed in minutes, pushing Bucky onto it before crawling onto his lap. She was gentle, holding back on their usually rough and desperate style of lovemaking. She brushed her hands through his hair, softly caressed his chest, and after minutes of kissing helped him out of his sweatpants. He had sat on the edge of the bed and watched as she slowly pushed the straps of her nightgown off her shoulders before it finally fell in a puddle around her feet. She was the embodiment of moonlight glow, and he was the darkness that only she could light up. He used to think that his dark sky smothered her glow, but she always told him that he mearly enveloped her and kept her warm. Tonight he believed that.

She kissed every part of him, paying attention to his recent battle wounds as though her kisses could heal them. He returned them with passion, laying her out like his last supper, praising all of her, his own sweet religion. He gave her kisses - not of healing - but of promise, of lasting, of forever. Something for her to savour while he was gone.

He held her close while she straddled him, enveloping him and making her name leave his lips like a prayer. She tightened her fingers in his hair as she moved, looking down at him beneath hooded eyes while he held the small of her back, guiding her. She leaned down and kissed him, and Bucky felt her tongue trace his lips in a way that made him moan against her. She was making it hard for him to say goodbye. She made it even harder when she pulled him flush against her, breaking the kiss so she could throw her head back and let out a devilish moan, as though she were howling at the moon. Her neck exposed, Bucky leaned forward and kissed it, nipping the area softly and savouring the sound of her little mewls. When would he hear those again?

Their pace was picking up now but Bucky noticed the fact that Elena would no longer look at him. Softly he rolled her over, laying her out beneath him as he kept the rhythm going, stretching up on his knees and shuffling forward, lifting her hips up slightly. When she would not look at him he leaned over her, using his one arm to keep him stable. Arms lacing around his figure, Elena's fingers were tight on his back, her face turned away from him. With a frown Bucky caught her lips in a kiss, tilting it in a way that made her have to look up at him. He probably didn't have to do that to find out why she was now avoiding his gaze. He could taste it on her lips. When he looked upon her face he saw it glistening with sweat and - heartbreakingly - tears. He slowed down, felt his own eyes stinging, before he felt her hands cup his face just as his tears began to fall. With nimble fingers she softly brushed the tears away before pulling his face towards hers, kissing the rest before starting the rhythm up again and rolling her hips. It was bittersweet, yes, but she wasn't going to let their sadness get in the way of their desire, their pleasure, their need to be together. Stopping her kisses, Elena stared up into the eyes of Bucky. Both refused to look away, as though they were trying to memorize how the other person looked. As the pace got harder and faster, they watched as beads of sweat covered their faces which soon began to expressively depict the pleasure they were feeling. Slow and steady breaths became rough, fast, laboured as they moved together in union to approach that small death. When they reached that peak, the couple's moans entangled with each other, eventually being swallowed by kisses as they rode it out.

When it was done, the pair lay on their sides facing one another, legs still tangled together. Through wide eyes they stared at one another, Elena brushing Bucky's cheek, until they closed them and Bucky leaned across, pressing his nose against hers. They inhaled, exhaled, together, a marriage of one breath, one body, one soul, being shared privately between the two.

Outside, the world continued to sleep.

**//**

"' _Tis almost morning; I would have thee gone: and yet no further than a wanton's bird; who lets it hop a little from her hand, like a poor prisoner in his twisted gyves, and with a silk thread plucks it back again, so loving-jealous of his liberty_ ,'" Elena read, holding the book out so that Bucky could follow. 

" _'I would I were thy bird_ ,'" Bucky read, as Elena smiled sadly, letting her head rest against his good shoulder.

" _'Sweet, so would I-_ '" She murmured, cutting off when she heard another voice. Looking up, the pair stared as Steve walked into the room. Elena got off the bed, patting Bucky's thigh.

"I'll leave you two for a moment," she murmured, kissing his cheek before walking away, looking at Steve who smiled at her sadly. She stood in front of the cryotube, staring at it with tears that were stinging her eyes. She clutched the book in both hands, pressing it against her stomach.  _His new bed, with no room for me_ , she thought, biting her lip. She hadn't want the previous night to end, but it had.

When she felt that familiar hand on her shoulder, she knew it was time to say goodbye. She didn't turn around, swallowing back the tears that threatened to spill. When she felt like she had her emotions under control she turned around, giving Bucky a smile that made him chuckle softly.

"It'll be okay, doll," he whispered, taking the book out of her hand and putting it aside. She nodded, sniffing as she brushed her hands down his face.

"I know. It'll... It'll be fine," she agreed, nodding. He smiled, pulling her by the waist against him until their faces were mere centimeters apart. Bucky kissed the tip of her nose before pulling back slightly, pressing his nose against hers.

"I love you, Elena Burroughs," Bucky murmured.

"I love you too, Bucky Barnes" she whispered, hand tangling itself in his hair, the other resting against his cheek. "Come back to me."

"Always," he replied before pulling away. As he stepped into the cryotube, the doctor working to strap him in, he looked over towards her. "El?"

"Bucky?"

"Can... Can you finish the scene?" he asked gently, a sad smile on his face. "Whisper it in my ear."

She bit her lip, unable to stop a lone tear from rolling down her cheek. She stepped over to him, waiting for the doctor to finish before letting her chin rest on his shoulder, one hand on his chest while the other gripped his hand tightly.

" _Good night, good night. Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow_."

**//**

__

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of part two <3 A highly Romeo and Juliet inspired chapter, which is pretty much this whole fic's vibe, really. I wrote this part while listening to Des'ree's "I'm Kissing You," aka the most beautiful love song ever created and incredibly fitting for Bucky and Elena.   
> I hope you all liked this part, I'm unsure as to when the fic will be updated again, I don't know if I'll wait until Avengers 4 comes out or if I'll post the IW parts, but we'll play it by ear for now.  
> Anyway, part three is next! And to quote Game of Thrones, "If you think this has a happy ending, then you haven't been paying attention." 
> 
> :')


	32. Part Three || The Longing

_** PART THREE: THE LONGING ** _

_"Sir, in my heart there was a kind of fighting // That would not let me sleep."_   
_~ Hamlet, William Shakespeare_

 

"Now from his breast into his eyes the ache  
of longing mounted, and he wept at last,  
his dear wife, clear and faithful, in his arms,  
longed for as the sun warmed earth is longed for by a swimmer  
spent in rough water where his ship went down  
under Poseidon's blows, gale winds and tons of sea.  
Few men can keep alive through a big surf  
to crawl, clotted with brine, on kindly beaches  
in joy, in joy, knowing the abyss behind:  
and so she too rejoiced, her gaze upon her husband,  
her white arms round him pressed as though forever." 

Elena finished reading the novel's closing quote before she put the book down, looking up at the man who sat across from her, blue eyes clouded over like the sea she had just read about out loud. He swallowed, sniffed, looked over at her.  
"That's the end?" He asked. She nodded softly. "I don't understand. I thought it would end happier."  
"Like a fairytale?" She murmured, and a sad smile danced across her face before she stood up and walked over to him, sitting beside him on the sofa. "That doesn't happen. In this book, Henry and Claire don't get a happy ending, not really. They don't get the life they deserve."  
"Then why read it if it only ends in tragedy?" He asked. Elena looked away, could feel tears stinging her eyes at the thought of Henry and Claire. She felt like Claire. He probably felt the same way. Why did you read it if it only ended in tragedy, a voice echoed his question. She looked back up at him.  
"Because I didn't know it would end in tragedy when I started," she told him, pulling him in for a hug when he began to cry.  
"That's the thing, isn't it? You never do."

 

_ **[With you till the end of the line]** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because why wait for the next Avengers film to start this part, eh? Have fun with this angst team, it's gonna be a toughie :')


	33. - Rising Sun -

Before the sun could touch the lands of Wakanda, two women were already awake and standing in the fields. The mist was thick on the ground so that they could only just see each other's silhouettes, but it was slowly beginning to clear. That didn't matter, though. They were stalking each other, using nature as their cover. One false move by either person could mean the demise of the other. 

Blue eyes sharp and focused, Elena stared at the figure a short distance in front of her, the pair circling each other like animals. Her ears were listening intently for any change in sound that could signal a quick strike, hands gripping her spear tightly. Slowly, the figure stepped backwards until she was completely hidden in the fog. Elena frowned, her senses jumping up a notch. For a moment all was still and all she could hear was the soft chirps of distant birds.

She heard the rustle of long grass behind her.

Spinning to the side Elena avoided an attack from behind, her spear colliding with the other woman's. With a growl she spun the spear in a circle, throwing her enemy's one into the air and leaving an opening for her to strike. She thrusted forward, missed her mark when the woman twirled out of her way, catching her own spear and bringing it down towards her neck, ready to decapitate the blonde-

Who rolled forward, getting back onto her feet to spin around and land a fatal blow through the throat of the other woman who had the same idea. Both had their spears extended, both had metal tips pressed against their throats, both had eyes of determination staring at the other. It was a stalemate. Slowly both women lowered their weapons, Elena smiling slightly.

"Almost got you-" she began, before suddenly the woman used her spear to trip Elena up, making the woman fall onto her back with a huff. When Elena opened her eyes she found the tip of her enemy's spear between her eyes, the woman standing over her with a stony expression. Elena let out a sound of disappointment, pushing aside the spear.

"Unfair, we were obviously tied," Elena said as the woman helped her to her feet, stony expression melting away to that of mild amusement. 

"Nobody made the killshot," the woman replied, making Elena scoff.

"I'm not going to kill you, Okoya."

"You didn't try when we lowered our weapons. That was your opening. Take it before the other person does," Okoya said, handing Elena's spear over to her.

"I'll remember that for next time, then," she grinned, tugging at her damp clothes before looking at the older woman. "But how was that?"

"Better."

"Better?" Elena repeated happily. Okoya wasn't one to hand out compliments like that very often-

"No. I mean, do better." Deflating like a balloon Elena sighed and ran a hand through her ponytail, nose wrinkled.

"Shit," she muttered, shaking her head before taking a few steps away from her trainer, turning around and making eye contact with her through the fog. "Again."

They sparred until the fog cleared and the sun had risen to bring morning to the small country of Wakanda. Around them the sun revealed the large grass fields touched yellow by the heat, the trees with their long limbs reaching like arms, the distant animals waking up and calling to one another. For now the land was cool to the touch, but eventually, once the sun rose to its fullest height, it would burn with heatwaves. Elena had learned how to cope with the heat, however, and so had the others. 

As the pair reached a height in their sparring that resulted in Elena catching Okoya off-guard, spear pointed at the other woman's stomach, there was a shout from the hill. Breaking away, the two woman looked towards the distance to find a figure walking towards them. Elena smiled brightly, wiping the sweat from her brow while Okoya relaxed her stance.

"We'll finish here," she said, Elena turning towards her trainer.

"Was that better?" She asked, out of breath still. The woman gave her a curt nod.

"Kulungile. Hold the spear steady."

"I'm so used to the knives," Elena sighed, handing her spear over to Okoya before wiping her hands on her loose trousers. "I always end up reverting back to that style instead."

"Soon enough you will learn the difference. Otherwise, you will die," Okoya replied, and Elena smiled despite herself, nibbling on the bottom of her lip before looking back up the hill. The figure was closer now, and he wasn't alone.

"Well, you're not wrong, Okoya," Elena replied. The figure bent down, straightened, and was beaten to the two women by a young girl.

"Mama! 'koya!" The child reached up and was swiftly lifted into the air by her mother, giggling as Elena threw her up once before catching her, nuzzling her face gently before settling her on her hip. Behind her Okoya stepped forward, tickling the child gently against her cheek as the girl wrapped a hand around her finger, steel-blue eyes wide. 

"How are you, child?" Okoya asked as Elena kissed her forehead.

"Baba fed goats. I did too."

"And were they good?" Elena asked, earning a little chuckle from the advancing figure. Looking up Elena smiled. He always took her breath away, especially when he was happy. And he was, coming to stand in front of her and the child, rubbing the girl's head with one hand.

"Almost all of them, right, pup?" He murmured, the little girl nodding before turning to her mother.

"Right, baba. Sam spit, mama," the girl told Elena, shaking her head slightly in a way that made her look disappointed in the animal's behaviour. It made all the adults chuckle, the man shrugging slightly.

"But he usually is anyway so that's nothing new," he finished, making Elena laugh.

"Aww, so similar to his namesake," she cooed, standing on the tips of her toes to plant a kiss on his jaw, his lips twitching up in a small smile as he placed his hand around her waist, looking at the other woman.

"Good training, Okoya?" He asked. Okoya shrugged.

"Always room for improvement, but she can hold her own," she replied, placing a well-natured hand on Elena's shoulder before moving away from the family and making her way up the hill with the spears. They turned to watch her, Elena calling back.

"Do you want to have breakfast with us, Okoya?"

"No, thank you. I have a meeting with my king."

"Tell him we say hi," Elena replied before giving the woman a small wave. "I'll see you later. Enkosi, Okoya."

"Enkosi, Elena. Bucky," her usually stern face softened slightly when she turned towards the young girl in Elena's arms. "Cordelia."

The little girl grinned and they watched as Okoya made her way up the hill and beyond their line of sight, turning and walking towards a short treeline. Beyond that was a small village surrounded by lakes, and it was there that their little hut sat. The girl squirmed in her mother's arms, twisting around towards her father.

"Baba!" She called, and he scooped her out of Elena's arms with his own. She wrapped her arms around his neck, nuzzling his beared jaw before letting her head rest in the crook of his neck. "Uncle Steve?"

"He'll be back soon," Bucky replied, making her smile. "You missing him?"

"Mmm. And uncle Sam and aunty Tasha."

"You saw them last week," Elena pointed out with a little grin, her daughter rolling her eyes at her mother's response before shrugging slightly.

"Miss."

Kissing her forehead Bucky shifted her in his grasp, letting Elena pull him closer to her side with her arm.

"We'll see them all soon," he murmured, looking down at Elena who smiled up at him softly.

The lake rippled softly with the movement of fishes, the reeds blowing softly in the summer breeze and pointing them towards their home. They had been in Wakanda for two years, now. This was their rhythm. This was their life: Bucky, Elena... and Cordelia. 

**//**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter out now because the Avengers: Endgame trailer dropped and oooh my goddd I'm not gonna survive that film, and also some IW chapters r gonna need an editing now so like, expect slower updates :')


	34. - Little Pup -

She wasn't planned, wasn't expected, but by God was she welcomed.

Over two years ago Elena had said goodbye to Bucky, whispering  _Romeo & Juliet_ to her beloved before he went under. When he had she had thrown herself into distractions, going with Steve to regroup with Natasha and Sam. Together the group had become a vigilante team taking down minor threats to earth's safety, the three people becoming Elena's mentors and trainers. When they weren't fighting, though, they were searching. It was HYDRA, or a trick that could help speed up Bucky's recovery. For a little while it had been Bucky's journals which had been taken from them when they had been in Belgium. To Elena's delight they had been able to find them, stealing them back from Ross and his team before they could even blink.

Without Bucky, all Elena had of him were those journals. She had never read them in full before, but with the time off she had been able to. There were so many memories, so many facts and thoughts that Bucky had written into these different journals, some sweeter than others.  _Steve is terrible at baseball - or at least he was before he became Captain America. Smoking is now considered unhealthy. A woman with red hair and a man you want hiding behind her - she didn't die when you shot through her, but he did. You were allergic to cucumbers - unlikely you still are, but maybe just stay away from them anyway. The man you assassinated in November 1963 was a president. Elena doesn't like shrimp - remember that._ She and Steve spent their evenings pouring over them, learning more about the man they loved and the life he lived. It was all they had of him.

Until, one day, it wasn't. A realization was made over a month since Bucky went under and it was revealed that the last night they had spent together was also the first night of her life. "Her" being the child growing inside Elena, who had read the test with Natasha by her side who had held her hand and squeezed it tight when it came back positive. The boys had been shocked but happy with the announcement, Sam teasing her in his usual way that made her laugh while Steve had smiled and hugged her tightly, congratulating her. But there was one more person who needed to know, the most important one out of them all.

Shuri had been a miracle worker. After finding out the news about Elena's pregnancy she had doubled the speed of research into Bucky and finding a cure for his mind. So far she had found out so much information about the former assassian that could one day come to help the human race, but she pushed that particular project aside to speed up his recovery. She had warned Elena that it could be dangerous, that if they didn't give his mind enough time to heal while he was under then everything inside could shatter like glass. Luckily, though, Shuri was the smartest person Elena had ever met, and with a mind like hers she was soon able to find a cure for the man that she loved, the father of her unborn child. With two months left of Elena's pregnancy before the baby was to be born, Bucky was woken from his sleep surrounded by children, a foreshadowing to what his future would hold.

Shuri had brought him from the hut to her lab where Elena and the other three had been waiting, and there he had seen her for the first time. She had barely changed at all when he locked eyes with hers; she looked even more beautiful than the last night they had spent together, or the last morning she had read to him. She was radiant, she was glowing, she was-

Pregnant. The sight of her swollen belly had made him stop in his tracks and he had looked at her, eyes wide. She had smiled, almost a little bashfully, before placing a pale hand on top of it. Beside her Steve had watched his best friend, eyes wide and hopeful about what his reaction would be. He hoped it would be joy over a future filled with hope, his newfound fortune, and not fear or guilt about how he - a past weapon of mass destruction - could ever become tender enough to care for a child. Slowly Bucky had approached her, resting his own hand over hers and the bump, shock still painted across his face. For a moment the pair did not speak, letting this moment wash over them, but then Bucky had smiled, had let out a small chuckle, before pulling Elena against him for a hug.

"I love you," he whispered. "I love you both."

Two months later and the medical wing of the palace was a flurry of activity. Natasha, Shuri, Sam, T'Challa, and Steve had waited outside, the men wincing every time a particularly loud scream would cut through the air while the women rubbed at their hands, looking with a mix of excitement and anxiety down the hall. In one room Elena was flanked by Bucky who was whispering words of encouragement to the first time mother. It took almost nine hours but eventually the new life that Elena and Bucky had created spilled into the world with a cry, letting herself be heard before being placed on her mother's chest. 

Many names had circled during Elena's pregnancy with suggestions coming from all parties - ranging from Natasha/Sam/Shuri/T'Challa/Steven jr, to other names that were liked for their sound or meaning ("Sophie" "Christopher" "Odhran" "Mihaela"). However, when Bucky caught sight of the young but strong fighter of a daughter only one name popped into his head and out of his mouth.

"Cordelia."

"Cordelia," Elena had echoed breathlessly, looking down at her newborn through half shut eyes. She could see thick brown hair matted to her daughter's head, could see baby blue eyes blinking in the light as they flickered from her to her father, could see the daughter of King Lear or the mother of James Buchanan Barnes in her features. Softly Elena had nodded, whispering the word and liking the way it rolled off her tongue. "Cordelia Barnes. Cordelia Niamh Barnes."

Named after two grandmothers, Cordelia Niamh "Corrie" Barnes began her life surrounded by the love of a rag-tag pack of a family.

And a pack they were. When the news broke that the White Wolf and the She-Wolf had been joined by their little pup, a new addition to their village, the people had been happy for them, especially the children who had taken a shine to Bucky. When they returned, they were surrounded by singing and dancing, Corrie welcomed into the village and blessed by the people there. Since then she had grown surrounded by an even bigger family. When Bucky was taking care of the goats she would be nearby, lying in her little wicker basket a safe distance away, the children entertaining her when they weren't watching or playing with Bucky. When Elena would teach the local children about the outside world and the languages it held, she would be wrapped up against her mother's back, cooing over her shoulder and making the children laugh. If both parents were busy, with Bucky doing more tests or Elena having combat training with Okoya, she would be handed between the mothers of the village, playing alongside their own little ones. The fears and horrors that her parents, uncles, and aunties had witnessed did not exist to her. All there was was Wakanda, her home. 

Now she was a few short months shy of two but well advanced compared to those her age. After doing some tests on the slightly rapid growth of their child, Shuri had assured the couple that Bucky's super serum effects would not have any negative impacts on Corrie. She would end up taller than those her age, healthier, stronger, and perhaps a little smarter, too, but other than that she would be fine. Those weren't the only aspects of her father she had taken after, either. She had her father's steel blue eyes and rare smile, her hair a lighter shade of wavy brown compared to his, and Sam swore that the kid had that dry, confused, old man humor Bucky possessed. However, she also had her mother's features tucked away too, such as her kindness, fierce attitude, and the ability to make her father feel at ease and anchored in the world whenever he felt like he were drifting away. Where Elena had to speak those old familiar words to bring Bucky that comfort, all Corrie had to do was look at him and suddenly he was home. 

She wasn't planned, wasn't expected, but by God was she welcomed.

"I can't imagine a world without her now," Elena whispered to Bucky one night when they had tucked her into bed, brushing a hand across her daughter's chubby cheeks with a smile. Bucky nodded, arm wrapped around her waist as he gazed down on Corrie. He loved how at peace she always looked. Sometimes, he swore she had the ability to share that with him and make him forget about everything he had ever done in his far too long life.

"I feel the same every time I look at her. Or you," he added, turning towards Elena. "You two are the best gals a man could ask for in his life."

Elena grinned, resting her head against his shoulder as she let out a content sigh.

"Despite everything... I would go through it all one more time if it brought me to this moment in our life. She's a blessing, Bucky, isn't she?"

Bucky smiled, leaning his own head on top of Elena's. He could feel her shoulders moving with every breath she took, could hear Corrie's little mewls as she dreamt and fidgeted in her sleep. 

"She is," he agreed, kissing the top of her head. This was his home, and for the first time in a long time he felt completely safe. He was happy, in love, safe, and content. He never wanted this life of his to change.

**//**


	35. - Elena and Bucky -

It was their usual evening ritual. After putting their daughter to bed the pair would sit outside the hut and lean against its stable walls, looking out at their surroundings. Almost always the skies of Wakanda would be clear, thousands of stars twinkling high above and being reflected on the surface of the lake. Sometimes they might hear the goats call in the distance, or fireflies would dance beyond the treelines, but mostly they were alone to take in the night together and read. With a new tablet that Elena had brought while on her travels with Steve and the others, the pair sat together with Bucky leaning back against her while she read aloud, her voice soothing his mind and soul. Tonight they had reached the end of a book they had been reading for the past few weeks now, and it had been one that had taken Bucky on an emotional roller coaster. He gripped one of Elena's hands while she read, head leaning against the crook of her neck as he closed his eyes and listened.

_"'And we could all sit around and wonder and feel bad about each other and blame a lot of people for what they did or didn't do or what they didn't know. I don't know. I guess there could always be someone to blame. It's just different. Maybe it's good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think that the only perspective is to really be there. Because it's okay to feel things. I was really there. And that was enough to make me feel infinite. I feel infinite.'"_

With that last word Elena put the tablet down, wrapping her free arm around Bucky's shoulder with a soft sigh. He opened his eyes and stared out towards where the fireflies were moving in the distance.

"Is that the end?" He asked, voice low and soft from lack of use. Elena nodded, Bucky feeling the movement against his cheek.

"Yes."

"I don't feel infinite. But I feel," he murmured as he sat up, Elena crossing her legs and picking up the comb that sat beside her. Instantly she began to brush his hair, getting out the knots that had formed throughout the day.

"Everyone should read it once in their life," she said as she combed. "I read it in high school and loved it. I don't think I learned as much as I could from it at the time, though."

"It makes me nervous for Corrie," Bucky admitted, thinking about the characters that had been in the book. All of them seemed so sad or lost or angry or hurt. There was a lot of pain in it that he didn't think would be there when they first started reading it, and now all he could think about was his daughter. Was that what her life would be when she reached her teenage years? Would she be able to cope? Would he be able to protect her? These thoughts made him worry. "I don't want her to hurt like they did."

"Neither do I, but... we do," Elena replied, wrapping her arms around him in an effort to comfort him. She rest her chin on his shoulder, tilting her head against his. "At that age, and lots of other ages. Price of life."

"I don't want her to become rough. I don't want her to have our hands. I don't like the fact that you have yours," Bucky admitted, using his one hand to reach up and take one of hers, turning it over before kissing her palm. Elena frowned slightly, watching him.

"What do you mean?"

"They're rough from your training," he explained. "I remember how soft they used to be. I wish you didn't have to take up combat training."

"In an ideal world nobody would. And anyway," she pulled her hands away, shuffling around so that she was sitting beside him now, staring at his face that was a mask of sadness. She took his hand in hers. "I do it to protect you and Corrie. There's a reason behind it."

"You did that anyway before all this. You've taken enough hits, Elena," he told her, pointedly casting his gaze towards the scars on her face with a frown. Elena looked down, a strained and painted smile taking over her face before she let out a breath and dropped it, looking back at the man she loved.

"I know. But Thomas isn't the only thing in the world throwing punches, love. I'm not gonna stand by and let you take all of them, Bucky. I mean, would you expect Steve to stand aside while you fought off the world?"

"That's not the same thing-" Bucky tried to argue, but Elena shook her head.

"It is. You and I both know it is," she said softly, a pointed silence falling over them at the thought of Steve. They both knew she was right, there was no point in denying it. The three of them shared a relationship that might look complex to some, but so simple to them. "It all stems from love. We all have to fight to protect the love we have for each other, Bucky. I'd do it for you just like Steve would. Just like you would too."

Bucky smiled slightly, pulling Elena onto his lap before cradling her against his chest. For a moment they sat in silence, listening to the soft chirping of crickets in the reeds of the lake. Tonight the summer air was cool and still, bringing relief from the heat of the day. Nuzzling against Bucky's neck, Elena spoke softly onced more.

"I understand where you're coming from with this though. Your worry and sadness."

"It all stems from love," Bucky repeated softly, letting out a deep sigh. Elena smiled, turning to look at him and cupping the side of his face as she did so.

"When you get better, I'll take it easy," she promised him. "We can train together, you, me, and Okoye. Put your mind at ease. It'll sto you from getting heart attacks every time Okoye puts me on my back."

"Mmm," he purred, a sly smile beginning to form on his lips as he looked down at his beloved. "I thought that was my job..."

"You dirty man," Elena giggled, lightly tapping the side of his cheek with her hand before shifting in his lap and straddling him. Flicking her hair over her shoulder she threw her arms around his neck, looking down at him. "All joking aside, I mean it, though, baby. When you're feeling a hundred percent again, I'll cool off and we can take the world on side by side once more, okay?"

Bucky smiled, nodding as he let his hand wander down to the small of her back, pulling her a little bit closer to him.

"Okay," he murmured, staring up at her and burning into his memory the image of her lit up in moonlight, blonde hair looking almost white and skin looking smooth and silver. He licked his lips, tilting his head up in a small gesture of desire, wanting, need. "But, don't cool off just now. There are some things I wanna do that require heat."

A half smile on her lips, Elena leaned down and gave Bucky what he desired as his hand took hers and gripped it tightly. They never wanted to let go.

**//**


	36. - Infrasound -

She knew something had changed as soon as they walked into the room.

That morning had been no different than all the other mornings they had had in Wakanda. Elena trained with Okoye, the small family had breakfast together, then Bucky went to work on the farmlands while Elena and Corrie made the their way into the main village where Elena helped with teaching the children. Nothing out of the norm had occurred while they were there; discussions were had, new topics touched on, graded tests handed back to the students who either sighed out of relief or disappointment at their marks. It was like any other day.

But then, when the pair had made their way back home, they had been told that Bucky was in Shuri's lab. Elena couldn't help but panic slightly when she heard the news: usually Bucky only ever went to Shuri's lab if he had an appointment with her, and Elena knew that he didn't. If he was in her lab it meant that something bad had happened. As Elena rushed to the palace, Corrie stumbling alongside her mother, Elena could only think the worst:  _He's relapsed. He's been triggered. I've lost him again._

That wasn't the case though. When the pair entered the lab they didn't find Bucky in cryosleep or passed out on a bed. Instead, he was sitting up on one, his gaze directed at Shuri. The teenager was smoothing her hands over something as though making some final checks before she took a step back to admire her work. It was then that Corrie let out a gasp, letting the other two know that they had just entered. The look that passed over Bucky's face was one that Elena would never forget.

"Baba!" The child cooed, pointing at her father with wide blue eyes. "Your arm! Touch?"

"Sure," Bucky replied with a small smile, and Corrie let go of her mother's hand and raced over to her father who was able to pick her up with one hand, sitting her on his lap as she murmured appreciatively over his new limb. The arm glinted in the light as Bucky turned it, Corrie's small fingers running over the golden grooves all the way down to his fingers that gently clasped hers. 

"Cold," she giggled, looking from Bucky to Shuri. "Aunty Shuri make it?"

"She sure did," Bucky said, and Shuri bent down in front of the girl, a warm smile on her young face. 

"It's made out of vibranium, Corrie. Why don't you come with me next door, I'll show you how it was made while your mama helps baba get ready," she said, casting a quick glance between the two adults who nodded, Elena giving her a grateful smile. She was glad Shuri knew how to read a room. There was a lot the couple needed to discuss, a bit of information Elena needed to be filled in on. Oblivious to what was passing unsaid between the adults, Corrie reached out for her godmother excitedly.

"Ooo, yes!"

With a light laugh Shuri picked up Corrie and set her down on the floor. Together the pair walked past Elena and out of the lab, leaving the couple alone. Neither person moved for a moment, Bucky looking over at Elena who was staring back at him with a sad smile on her face. She walked over to him, head tilted as she stared at his new limb. It was odd, seeing black vibranium instead of silver steel or just nothing. She had grown so accustomed to being held by him with one arm, but now she was standing in between his legs and both arms were wrapped around her waist. Bucky pressed his forehead against her chest, letting out a deep sigh that seemed to hold a thousand years of pent up sadness. She kissed the top of his head and stood there until he was able to sit unassisted before she looked at his arm.

"It always catches up, doesn't it?" Elena murmured, letting the tips of her fingers brush against his new arm and making Bucky shiver. She wanted to smile at his reaction, wanted to be grateful for the limb that Shuri had crafted so beautifully, but she had seen the look on Bucky's face when she and Corrie had walked into the room. This wasn't a gift meant to usher in his brand new life in Wakanda, a sign that he was progressing and would be able so seamlessly slip back into the outside world if he chose to. This was a call to battle, his conscription into yet another war. He saw her eyes drop sadly at the thought and let out a deep sigh, looking down at his arm.

"There's a war coming," he said, clenching his fist softly and watching the vibranium move and fit together once more. "I'm needed back in the field."

"Are you feeling a hundred percent?" Elena asked with concern. When he didn't answer she sighed, taking a seat next to him on the bed and letting her head fall on his shoulder.

"'It always ends in a fight.' You said that to Steve, do you remember?" She told him. He nodded, swallowing back the lump in his throat. He put a hand on her thigh and squeezed it gently, his head tilted and resting on hers.

"I do. I wish it didn't have to. I'm..." Bucky trailed off, eyebrows furrowed and eyes slightly narrowed. What did he want to say? Could he say anthing? Could words suffice when it came to describing how he felt? Because the words "scared" or "not ready" or "angry" didn't seem to fit. He closed his eyes.  _Tired_ , he thought to himself.  _I'm so tired._

"I know."

He opened his eyes and looked over at Elena. His lover took his hand in hers, pressing his knuckles against her lips before letting it rub against her cheek, her eyes closed as a soft smile played at her lips. "If I had my way, both you and Steve would be dropped on an island resort, getting massages and drinking cocktails on the beach until you two had rested away the past seventy years. Or, better yet, there was no war coming our way at all. Just yesterday... every day."

Bucky chuckled softly as Elena opened her eyes, lacing his fingers with hers.

"It's a nice image, doll," he told her, wishing it was true. For a moment the pair sat in silence, occasionally looking towards the hall when they would hear Corrie's exclamation of wonder at whatever it was Shuri was entertaining her goddaughter with. Elena looked down at her hands, thought about their conversation from the night before, then spoke.

"You won't be alone out there. I'll be by your side the entire time."

"No you won't." Bucky was quick to follow her sentence, eyes suddenly wide at the thought of Elena being out there with him. He turned his body towards her, ignoring the frown on Elena's face as she did the same.

"Bucky-" She began to argue, but he cut her off, clutching her hand.

"You'll be here protecting Corrie. You're not to go out onto that field, okay?" He told her, a slip of desperation seeping into his voice. "You two can stay in here, away from all the action."

"I..." she was going to argue, going to tell him that she meant what she said last night and so many other times before. She would never leave him to fight battles alone, just as he would never allow her to fight by herself. But she saw the steel in his blue eyes wavering, saw them melting away with fear - not really for her, althought fear for her life was always on his mind, but for their daughter, who could not protect herself in the same way Elena could. She knew he was right. Who would protect Corrie if they were both on the field fighting? Elena swallowed back her arguement and eventually let out a sigh, shaking her head. "I don't like it, Bucky."

"Neither do I," Bucky murmured, shaking his head as he thought about what the king of Wakanda had told him only a few hours earlier. "Elena, the things T'Challa said about what was coming... It's big. Bigger than anything we've ever seen."

"Are you scared?" Elena whispered, and again the pair listened to the peal of giggles that came from the other room, both of them wincing slightly before looking at one another. They had that same worry in their eyes, fear that they might not hear that laughter the next day for one reason or another. Bucky sniffed, pulling Elena close to him.

"Always," he muttered, blinking back the tears in his eyes before he took her face in his hands, nose mere inches away from hers. "But, El, whatever happens... It's Corrie, okay?"

"Of course," Elena replied, nodding softly and placing her hands over his, licking her dry lips. "Last line of defence. I-I can do that. Just... just come back to me? Please?"

"Always do," He murmured before kissing her lips gently. Elena thought as they kissed that she could taste salt on his lips, but if that was the case she never spoke on it. Instead, she kissed him a little harder before the pair finally pulled apart, their noses pressed against each other as they breathed in deeply. 

"I love you," Elena whispered.

"I love you too," Bucky said, hand brushing down the back of her neck before he pulled away, sniffing slightly as he stood up. "I'm... I'm gonna go have a shower. Steve and the others will be here eventually. Need to get ready."

"I'll meet you in there. Just have to talk to Shuri about something," Elena replied. With a sad smile Bucky nodded before walking down the hallway. For a moment Elena sat alone in the lab, eyes closed as she concentrated on her breathing. Underneath the palm of her hand she could still feel Bucky's warmth. Once it had faded, replaced now by her own, she stood up and made her way down the hall, following her daughter's voice. She found the pair quick enough, Corrie playing on some odd levitation device Shuri had made.

"Mama! Mama, look!" she laughed, letting herself flip in mid-air. Elena smiled at her daughter before catching Shuri's eyes, and the pair made their way over to the windows, Corrie's cries of enjoyment filling the room as she entertained herself.

"Has he told you?" Shuri asked, looking up at the older woman carefully. Elena nodded.

"Enough for me to form a picture in my head, yeah. Listen, Shuri..." Elena trailed off, licking her lips as she looked down at the younger woman. When the pair had first met, Elena had been shocked to learn that a teenager would be the one in charge of Bucky's recovery. However, after only a few days of watching how Shuri worked Elena realized that there was no need for fear or concern when the princess was involved with something. Her mind was stunning, her intelligence unable to be rivaled. Now, she had become as close a friend as Okoye. In fact, she had become something Elena never thought she'd need, especially with Bucky by her side.

Shuri had become her confidante.

 "Is it ready yet?" She finally asked, staring at the princess. Shuri frowned, biting her lip.  

"Elena-" She began before the other woman cut her off.

"I need to know. Please, Shuri." After a moment where both woman were silent, Shuri eventually spoke.

"It is, yes," she said. At the sight of excitement lighting up Elena's eyes, the girl quickly spoke once more, holding up both hands. "But I haven't done any test runs yet so I don't know if it'll have the desired effect you want-"

"Well let's test it now-" Elena said, and she began to head towards Shuri's lab. With wide eyes the young woman grabbed her by the arm.

"Elena-"

"We should try, give it to me-"

"No-" Shuri argued, and she was eventually able to bring Elena back to where they had been standing, stilling the woman who looked down at her with furrowed eyebrows and an incredulous look on her face.

"But Shuri-"

"Elena, no," Shuri said firmly, keeping her dark eyes locked with Elena's light ones. "Even if it is safe, I don't know how long it'll take for it to reset your system. You could be out of the count for hours, days, weeks. Then who will look after Corrie? We have other things to worry about, you can't let Bucky or Steve get distracted by worrying about you."

"Yeah..." Elena trailed off, a small frown on her face. She shook her head, slightly surprised by her desperate outburst.  _Bigger things are coming, things that need primary attention._  "Yeah, you're right, Shuri, you're right. I'm just..."

Shuri smiled softly, a comforting hand on her friend's shoulder.

"I know. One can begin to feel useless when surrounded by super soldiers," she said with a soft chuckle. Elena smiled weakly, nodding in agreement. In the beginning Elena had never been too concerned with her lack of skill or power when it came to fighting off enemies. In the beginning she had only had one, and Bucky had been able to beat him easily. Why would she have to be afraid of anything else coming to hurt her or Bucky when he had been able to defeat the scariest monster she knew? But after HYDRA found them... She realized that Bucky needed protection just as much as she did, and while he could protect her well enough, what could she do?

"You protect me just fine," Bucky had told her time and time again whenever the issue was raised. "You protect my mind, keep me safe from myself. You bring me back."

But there were bigger things that he needed protection from, and she so wanted to be the person who could help protect him from it all. She could only do so much with her training, though. She needed more. With a deep sigh she looked at Shuri.

"Once this battle is won, we try it out, okay?" Elena told her, shaking her head with a wavering smile on her face, tears stinging at her eyes at the thought of what was coming, the knowledge she could only do so much that was not enough, not really. "I-I can't keep doing this."

"I know. And we will, after the tests," Shuri assured her. As the older woman began to leave the room, Shuri making her way back to the giggling Corrie, the younger stopped and turned. "Elena? Have... Have you told Bucky about this?"

The look of shame on Elena's face was answer enough for Shuri.

"He doesn't need to know," Elena murmured. "Not yet. This is something best kept from him."

_Is it?_ Shuri couldn't help thinking as she watched the woman leave, but she never voiced her concern. Instead she turned to her goddaughter, peacefully oblivious to the war that was making its way to their home.

**//**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First post of 2019! We're getting into the thick of IW now my lovelies, so start bracing yourself for what you know is about to come :'(


	37. - Into Battle -

Some things would never change. Despite his new arm Bucky still came to stand in front of Elena, hoping that she would pick up on the message. With a little smile she did what she had been doing for two years now: helping him get dressed. His uniform was new, straight out of Shuri's lab and designed to keep him safe yet comfortable. Piece by piece she helped him into his clothes, silently laughing at the reversal of actions. Only an hour earlier she had been helping him get  _out_ of them. With every article of clothing she added to him he copied, his fingers lingering against the skin of her hip as he helped her into her underwear, or brushing down the length of her arms as he pulled the black shirt over her head. He wasn't sure when he would next get the chance to touch her so tenderly.

"You look handsome," she murmured as she did up the last strap of his vest, looking up at him. He smiled, taking hold of her hands and clasping them tightly in his. 

"And you're looking like a badass, babydoll," he chuckled, taking her in. She was dressed in tight dark olive pants and a tanned, soft leather jacket, not exactly combat but enough to deal with action if it came her way. He prayed to God it wouldn't. "Jesus, you..."

"Gotta look the part. Might scare those aliens off, seeing me looking so frightening," Elena giggled, and she bared her teeth and growled for good measure, making Bucky laugh. He pulled her against him, burying his face against her hair and breathing her in. 

"When you get back..." Elena whispered against his chest, running her hand down his back. "When you get back, I am going to welcome you home with everything I have in my heart. I am going to wash away the war and then I am going to bathe you in my love. I'm going to kiss your cuts and bruises until they heal, until it was like none of it ever happened. I am going to love you all night long, James Buchanan Barnes."

Bucky closed his eyes, smile wide on his face as he thought about every word she said, savouring each one as they left her mouth. When she said his name it sounded like a prayer and  _Jesus_ , if they hadn't just gone at it he'd be tempted to rip off every article of clothing he had just put on her. Instead he just let out a deep, rumbling sigh that Elena felt against his chest before pulling away and looking down at her, face clasped in his hands.

"I worship you," he whispered, before leaning down and kissing her. For a minute Elena thought that maybe he wouldn't stop, that perhaps they never had to. Time didn't exist anymore, there was no war to fight, nowhere to go. They could stay like that forever. But then she heard footsteps approaching and the awed sound of their daughter catching them in an embrace. The pair pulled away and turned towards the newcomers, Shuri smiling at them while Corrie continued to stare.

"Kissy," Corrie stated, and the three laughed.

"Means they're in love," Shuri said, adjusting the young girl on her hip. Corrie grinned bashfully at that, burrying her face against her godmother's neck. "I think someone's a bit embarressed."

"Every child goes through it. It's a rite of passage," Elena joked, taking Bucky's hand in hers. Shuri smiled before nodding down the hallway.

"The captain's here along with the others. My brother is meeting them outside," she told them. The couple smiled, beginning to walk over to Shuri. Catching her daughter's attention Elena stared into her steel blue eyes, leaning forward with a smile. 

"Time to see uncle Steve, darling?" she cooed. The excitement in Corrie's eyes was answer enough for all of them.

//

He had seen them quite recently, but every time he came back to Wakanda and was reunited with them once more he couldn't help but smile with joy at being home, and for Steve Rogers home was wherever they were. Without hesitation Steve stepped forward, arms open as soon as he caught sight of the man who knew him best in the world.

"How ya been, Buck?" he asked, embracing the dark haired man who chuckled low in his throat.

"Not bad, for the end of the world," he replied with a smile that Steve returned. Behind Bucky there came a light chuckle that could only belong to one person.

"Ever the optimist," she said sarcastically, winking at Steve who shook his head with a laugh. "Come here, sweets."

He didn't need to be asked twice. With open arms pair embraced one another, a soft kiss on each person's cheek. "Nice to see you again, Steve."

"Sorry it has to be in a time like this, though," Steve murmured softly, pulling away and grasping her hand with a sad smile that Elena reflected. She touched his cheek gently, the same way she would with Bucky whenever he needed comforting.

"At least we're all together," she replied, glancing up at Bucky who wrapped his arm around her waist. "We'll find a way. We always do."

Steve smiled, nodding in agreement. It was a big battle they had on their hands, but there were so many of them ready to fight the good fight. If they could get past homicidal robots and a  _God_ , then they could get past this too. With a small chuckle Steve looked past the pair, his eyes searching for the one person who could really bring him peace during a time like this, someone who they were all fighting for.

"Where's my favourite gal, then? Where's my Corrie?" He asked before hearing his name being called in a shriek.

"Uncle Steve!"

The dark haired child raced towards him, arms open wide, and with a laugh Steve bent down and scooped the girl up when she reached him. A squeal of laughter left her lips as he threw her up in the air before catching her safetly in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly before gently head-butting his forehead, making both of them giggle.

"Hello, sunshine," Steve cooed, pinching his goddaughter's cheek softly as she did the same to his own. "What have you been up to?"

"Aunty Shuri's lab," she told him, pointing towards the teenager who was walking over to them now. "Baba has a new arm. Wi-wibane- metal."

"I saw. Looks good," he smiled, casting a glance at her father who only smiled bashfully back at him. Looking past her godfather Corrie waved two hands at the visitors behind him.

"Hi uncle Sam!" 

"Hey there, cupcake. You been giving your dad hell for me?" Sam asked, a devilish look in his eyes as he met Bucky's who only rolled his own. Corrie grinned happily, bouncing slightly in Steve's arms.

"I snore!"

"That's a yes, then," Sam grinned, and he took up Elena's spot in the small triangle while the woman made her way towards Natasha. The former spy nodded a slight greeting at the former librarian and together the pair began to follow the rest of the group inside.

"What's been happening, Tasha? Is Vision okay?" Elena asked, eyeing him up as they walked. He was relying heavily on Wanda's assistance in getting inside, one hand clasping a wound to his side. "He doesn't look very good." 

"A taste of what's to come," Natasha sighed, looking at the younger woman grimly. "There's a big storm coming our way, El. We have to keep Vision safe, get that mind stone out of him and destroy it."

Elena frowned. Take the stone out of Vision? From what she had learnt about the android he needed that stone to live. Without it, he would just fade out of exsistance. Was there even an afterlife for something like him? She inhaled deeply. It would be tricky to do something like that without killing him, and she was sure that they would have to keep him alive if Wanda had any say in the matter. She looked at the young girl who had her arms wrapped protectively around Vision and knew that if she was in her place, there was no way in Heaven or Hell she would ever be able to sacrifice Bucky for the sake of the world. She thought about  _Wuthering Heights_ , she thought about Cathy's words, and she swallowed.  _No,_ she thought sadly,  _No, it would be too much. That quote would come true. The earth would become a mighty stranger without him here._

"So, I guess there's only one thing to do," Elena said as she looked towards the front. Walking side by side with her brother was Shuri, already speaking expressively about what was about to occur. Natasha followed her gaze.

"All eyes on Shuri, then," she murmured and Elena nodded.

"All eyes on Shuri."

//

Their game plan was set and the threat was here. It was time.

With Shuri and Wanda staying upstairs with Vision as the Wakandian worked to extract the mind stone, the rest of the group gathered outside. Already their army was ready, gathered together and waiting for their king to give the orders to move out towards their battle ground. It was a sight that took Elena's breath away. Suddenly the reality of their situation was hitting home. 

She found herself not wanting to let go of Steve as she hugged him farewell, clinging to the blond man as tight as she could. She had been that way with all of them but each person had disentangled themselves out of her arms, leaving her words of courage, hope, and confidence that they would be able to win this together. Now it was Steve's turn to do the same, although truth be told he didn't want to. He always felt grounded with Elena. She never looked at him like he was their leader or some special history token. She only ever looked at him like he was Steve, the same way Bucky did. With a deep sigh he pulled away, smiling when she cupped his face with her hands.

"Take care of each other out there," she murmured. He brushed a hand through her hair and nodded.

"We will," he said softly, kissing her forehead before pulling away to look into her blue eyes. "I'll bring him back to you, Elena. I promise."

She sniffed, standing on the tips of her toes to kiss the corner of his mouth.

"I know you will. Bring yourself back too, Steve. I want both of you here, safe and sound," she told him. With a smile he nodded, and the pair hugged one last time before Corrie began to call for her uncle Steve. With a little laugh Steve pulled away and moved towards Bucky who was holding Corrie in his arms.

"Uncle Steve's turn! And mama's turn! Yes, baba?" Corrie asked, and Bucky nodded.

"You're right, cub. Taking turns, that's-that's right. But come here, one more hug," he replied, holding Corrie close to him as the little girl giggled and tightened her grip around her father's neck, nuzzling her face against his beard.

"See you soon, baby girl," Bucky murmured against his daughter's hair, swallowing hard in an effort to keep the tears at bay. He didn't want to let her go. He didn't want to go. Sensing this, Corrie gripped his hair, sniffing.

"Bye, baba," she whispered, and they looked at each other for a moment, Corrie using one hand to wipe at Bucky's eyes. "S'okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, baby. It's okay," he replied thickly, looking at Steve who smiled sadly. "Come on, taking turns. Uncle Steve's turn."

As Steve and Corrie said goodbye to one another Bucky made his way over to Elena who was watching with tears in her eyes. She laughed softly when Bucky grabbed her arms and made her throw her arms around his neck. He liked the sound, smiling at it and nudging her gently with his forehead.

"What are you laughing at?" he murmured.

"Everything. Seattle and Buchacrest and so many other memories. And, to be honest, seeing Bruce climbing into the hulkbuster. It kinda just popped back into my head," she admitted, making Bucky laugh.

"Yeah, that-that was something," he agreed, and together the pair allowed themselves a moment to laugh before falling against one another. Running her hands through his hair Elena pressed her cheek against his chest.

"Be careful, okay?" she murmured. 

"I will," he said softly, lifting her head up and pressing his nose against her's. "I love you, Elena."

"I love you too, Bucky," she replied, letting out a deep breath as she cupped his cheeks and closed her eyes, both of them breathing the other person in. 

"Come back," she whispered. "Please? Come back to me."

"I promise," Bucky whispered back, holding her hands before kissing her gently. "I promise. I'll come back to both of you."

After one more kiss and hug it was time for them to let go. Standing by the entrance of the palace with her daughter in her arms, Elena watched as the army began to move. Soon, all the people that she knew and loved had disappeared over the hill, leaving Corrie and Elena alone waiting for them to return home.

**_ {~} _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Sorry for the disappearance but it was either publish the IW parts early and have a huge gap to Endgame, or have the gap first, refresh people's memories with IW parts and then get straight into Endgame chapters as soon as it comes out, and I decided to go with the latter. We have two chapters after this that will cover IW, one which may end up being corrected depending on Endgame material, but after that it is straight into Endgame territory. The plan is that this fic will probably finish with Endgame, but I guess that all depends on how that film goes. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter, get ready for the sadtimes because they are coming!  
> Also I hope y'all have seen Captain Marvel coz that film is liitttt!! We love a powerful avenger mmm <333


	38. - Infinity War -

They were no longer safe in the lab.

Hearing the noise outside Elena set her daughter down, leaving their place by the window where they had been watching the fight. Coming to the doorway Elena watched as the stationed warriors attempted to kill the creature that was making its way towards their lab, only to be thawrted each time. With wide eyes Elena spun around. Shuri's expression matched her own.

"Get Corrie!" Shuri quickly yelled. She didn't have to speak twice. Jumping from the ramp Elena went back to her daughter, sweeping the youngster up in her arms.

Shuri's lab had always been a tidy space, however in that moment Elena wished the place had more exits for them to use. She knew that even if there was, though, they couldn't leave Vision. Even now with the noise of attackers right outside Shuri was still working hard, desperately attempting to sever the connection between Vision and the stone as quickly as possible. Looking around Elena found an area beneath the ramp that was dark and hidden out of plain sight. Without a word she ushered her daughter under it, bringing her daughter's hands up to her ears.

"Mama?"

"We're- we're playing a game, love," Elena lied with a hesitant smile. "You keep your eyes closed and ears covered, see? Like this. Good girl, yes. Now, don't come out until mama or aunty Shuri comes and gets you, okay? And be quiet. Can you do that for me, baby?"

The young girl pulled her hands away from her ears for a moment, looking back up at her mother with a frown. Elena so wanted to pick her daughter up and hug her, to give her the proper comfort she needed, but she and Bucky had agreed: It was Corrie they fought for. The future. Their future. And Elena was the last line of defence between their future and the enemy. Still staring up at her Corrie bit her lip but slowly nodded, shuffling even further back into the cabinet.

"Yes, mama," she whispered. Elena let out a deep breath in exclaimation, bending down and kissing her daughter's forehead.

"Good girl," she murmured, brushing her daughter's hair before straightening up. Once more she pretended to close her eyes and cover her ears and Corrie copied, still biting hard on her lip. Swallowing, Elena backed away, hoping that this would not be the last time she would see her daughter or her daughter see her.  _Not like this_ , she prayed silently.  _Please, not now._

From the doorway their came a loud noise and the shattering of glass, Shuri falling onto the floor before her. Before she could check to see if the young woman was all right the alien creature who had thrown her there was in front of Elena. There was a goal in his eyes, one Elena couldn't let him achieve. She pulled out her knives.

"We only want the stone," the creature growled, looking past her and towards a struggling to sit up Vision. Elena shook her head.

"Not gonna happen," she hissed. He smiled, gripping his weapon.

"Then you will die-"

Once, Bucky had told her that the element of surprise is how she had managed to snatch him up. She used the skill once more. Not waiting for the creature to finish his sentence she threw a knife at him, catching him against the cheek. As he launched himself at her she spun out of the way, attempting to circle around and catch him in the back. However he was prepared, stabbing his weapon at her and catching her in the shoulder. She couldn't help but let out a cry of pain at that, impulsively stabbing at the hand that was wrapped around the weapon. Pulling the weapon out of her shoulder the creature dropped her on the ground with a hiss, clenching his injured hand. As Elena struggled to her feet she raised her head, looking up at the creature. His arms were raised, the weapon high above his head, and in slow motion she watched as he began to bring it down.

It came to her in flashes but the brightest ones were of him.  _Of course_ , she thought, almost in relief. It was always him. 

She heard a shout, felt a powerful force knock the wind out of her lungs, then the crack as her head hit the floor.

She fell into his eyes.

//

She thought it was the waves of California rocking her softly, but there was no wetness that came with the ocean. It was gentle, though, and it made her think of home.  _Maybe it's mom_ , Elena thought in a daze, bursts of starlight in the darkness as her eyelids began to flutter.  _She's rocking me awake. It's time for school. Or it's dad, telling me I've got gymnastics to get ready for._  It wasn't until the waves began to speak that she realized it was neither of her parents.

"Mama? Mama, get up."

With a slow, deep groan Elena forced herself to open her eyes. Leaning over her, black hair a curtain around her face, was her daughter. 

"Corrie?" Elena murmured, sitting up slowly and wincing at the injury to her arm. The girl looked at her mother with worry, kneeling in front of her.

"You sleeping," she said sadly before pointing across the room. "Aunty Shuri sleeping too."

Sure enough, Shuri was lying where Elena had last seen her. Remembering what had happened Elena suddenly lurched forward, making Corrie jump as her mother grabbed her by the arms.

"Oh, baby! Are you okay?" Elena asked, checking her daughter over to see if there were any visual injuries. Silently Corrie nodded, shuffling into her mother's arms who cradled her tightly against her chest. With furrowed brows Elena stared past Shuri, up at the table where Vision had been lying. Now it was empty. To her right one of the full length windows was shattered, the hot Wakanda weather wafting into the lab.  _Shit_ , Elena thought, brushing Corrie's hair in an attempt to comfort both her daughter and herself. 

"Mama, where's baba?" Corrie asked, her voice muffled.

"Baba will be here soon," Elena promised, pulling away from the girl before quickly shuffling over to her friend. Shuri was out cold, breathing evenly in unconciousness with a cut to her forehead that was beginnining to bruise around the edges.

"Shuri? Shuri, can you hear me?" Softly the younger woman began to stir, mumbling weakly a reply Elena could not understand. Letting out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding Elena turned around towards Corrie, holding out her hand. "Baby, come here. Stay by aunty Shuri. Let me just grab something."

As her daughter brushed her small hands across her godmother's back, asking her to "wake up, aunty," Elena made her way over towards the cabinet. She was only halfway there when she stumbled slightly, a breath of air leaving her lungs quickly before she stumbled to a stop, looking around. There was an eeriness to the air that hadn't been there before, a stillness. She looked over towards Corrie and Shuri. While Shuri was still slowly awakening, pulling herself up to a sitting position, Corrie was looking around the room.

"Mama?" she said.

"I'm right here, baby," Elena replied, eyebrows furrowed as she turned back towards the cabinets.  _Something doesn't feel right_ , she thought, but she pushed those whispers aside as she began searching for a first aid kit. 

Being as gentle as she could with her shaking hands she pushed aside equipment, containers, and vials, hesitating when she saw the ones she had been speaking about with Shuri earlier in the day.  _If I had taken it this wouldn't have happened,_ she couldn't help but think before pushing away the thought. What Shuri had told her had been true, they didn't have the time to be experimenting. Skipping to the next cabinet Elena found the first aid kit and pulled it out.

With a soft bang the kit fell out of her hands and onto the floor, Elena following on her knees after it.

"Oh, sh..." Elena murmured, picking it up and dusting it off. A wave of nausea passed over her for a moment and she frowned, puzzled at the feeling. When it passed she picked the kit up in her hands, squeezing it softly and staring at it.  _Something is wrong,_ she thought, and she turned her attention towards the window outside. Nothing seemed any different out there. Everything was still.

"Oh."

Turning her head towards the noise Elena stared at Shuri. The young woman wasn't looking at her, though, her attention turned towards one of her hands. Slowly, a fluttering of dust was falling from her hand.

No, not falling from her hand. It  _was_  her hand. Horrified, the young woman looked towards Elena, ignoring Corrie who was slowly walking backwards, eyes wide in fear as she watched her godmother slowly begin to dust away.  

"Elena?" Shuri gasped, tears brimming in her eyes. Elena crawled over to Shuri quickly, holding the woman in her arms. She took hold of her other hand, holding it tightly until it suddenly collapsed beneath her palms. 

"Shuri-" Elena choked, the young woman staring up at her.

"I don't know what's happening-" Shuri's voice faded away as the rest of her body followed her hands and suddenly all that Elena had in her lap was a gathering of grey dust. With a choked exclimation in her throat Elena shuffled backwards slightly, staring at the pile with wide eyes.  _This isn't real_ , she thought, gasping in horror.  _This isn't real. This is a dream. This... This isn't... this-_

"Mama??"

The little girl's voice sounded as though it were coming from a thousand miles away. Looking up towards the direction it was coming from Elena stared at her daughter who was looking at her left arm. 

"No," Elena whispered, shaking her head. "No, no, no-"

The girl was in her mother's arms in seconds and desperately Elena hugged her daughter, gripping her tightly in an effort to keep her together.  _What's happening?! What's going on?! Please, please, not her too. First Shuri, now my Cordelia. Please don't take my daughter._

"Mama, scared," Corrie cried softly, making Elena sob. She rocked her daughter in her arms, trying desperately to ignore the ash from the girl's hair that was tickling her scarred cheek.

"It's okay, baby," she soothed, lip trembling.  _It's okay it's okay you're going to be fine and I'm still dreaming and Shuri's okay and so are you, my baby, my Corrie, you'll be okay-_

"Mama..."

"I'm here, I'm here, I- Corrie?"

The only reply Elena got back was the sound of falling ash. 

**_ [~] _ **


	39. - Come Back To Me -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If y'all thought the previous chapter was sad, wait until you get a load of this one! Brought to you one day before this bish dies while watching Endgame! <3

There was a moment, as Steve and the remaining Avengers walked into the room, where he had forgotten that he wasn't the only one who had lost Bucky today. It wasn't until he saw the top of her blonde head from behind the table Vision had previously been lying on that he remembered. A new layer of horror, of gut-wrenching sadness, fell over him. He thought he might be sick but he swallowed it down. He stepped into the room.

She was sitting on the floor alone, her back to them. She did not turn when they entered, did not acknowledge the fact that they were there. She contined to sit on her knees, kneeling over something that they could not see. For a moment Steve thought that she had been injured, or even worse - was dead and frozen into a lamenting figure of sadness, pain, death. But her shoulders were steadily moving up and down and he could hear her breathing slowly, deeply. 

But she was alone.

"Elena?" It was Okoya who spoke, stepping forward as she scanned the room. "Where - where is the princess?"

Elena did not answer. She did not have to. They saw it together, sitting a short distance across the room from Elena: a large pile of scattered ash. Steve could not stop himself from looking away from it when Okoya approached it, falling to her knees before it in open-mouthed horror. It was a silent scream that the group were not privvy to. She had lost her king, and now the young princess too.  _She was only a teenager. She was just a child._ Steve swallowed. It was too much for him to bare.  _None of us should be feeling so miserable. This wasn't supposed to happen. We were supposed to win. We were supposed to survive..._

As Okoya mourned for the loss of Shuri, the group watching on sadly as the death toll of today's events rose one more number, Steve turned his attention back to Elena. She still had not raised her head or turned around from where she was sitting. It was as though she had turned to stone. Softly he stepped forward, staring at the woman who was doubled over on the floor.  

"Elena?" He whispered. He was scared that if he raised his voice any louder than that it would cause Elena to shatter into a million pieces. She looked so fragile.

"I don't understand," her voice was barely audible. He stepped closer, knelt down behind her.

"Elena?" He said again, one hand on her shoulder. The contact made her move and, slowly, she turned her head to look up at Steve. Her blue eyes were brighter than he had ever seen them before, the tears swimming within making the colour shine. It made him think of the glaciers of ice he had once crashed into, beautiful and tragic and sad.

"I don't understand," she repeated, softer than ever before. "These things... These things don't happen. They're... They're not supposed to happen."

Her words shocked Steve.  _Does she know?_ He thought to himself, eyebrows drawn together in slight confusion.  _But she wasn't there. She didn't see him turn, didn't hear him say his name, didn't watch him fall...._ Steve swallowed, wincing at the image.  _Why can I never catch him when he falls?_ Faintly he could hear Natasha murmuring to some of the others, heard the catches in their voice, but eventually their voices escaped him and it was just him and Elena.  _Of course she knows_ , he thought.  _She must've felt it. Maybe._

"I know," he murmured, shaking his head. "I know, Elena. I'm sorry. It was so quick, I..."

"Steve..."

It was not Elena who spoke but Natasha, who had stepped forward while Steve had stayed bent behind Elena. Steve looked over his shoulder towards her, saw the way two small tears spilled down her cheeks. She shook her head.

"That's not what she's talking about, Steve," Natasha whispered, looking past him and towards the area Elena was leaning over, an area hidden from his view. A heartbeat, and then silence in his chest. He could feel himself growing cold, turning to stone too just like Elena. He hadn't noticed. He thought it wasn't possible. She wasn't on his mind at the time. Why would she be? When everything was covered in heartache but she - she's the embodiment of love and life and laughter and hope. She was not a part of something like this, she couldn't be, and yet...

When Steve turned back towards Elena who had turned away from him once more, he moved to the side so that he could see what it was that she had been leaning over. 

His first thought was the word "small". Because it was small. The pile of ash that lay before Elena was tiny compared to the others he had seen, the ones that hadn't been blown away. It was quite close together too, the wind having no effect on a sheltered space. It was lightly scattered around Elena, tiny, small, she had been so small.

"Oh, God," Steve breathed, having to take a step away from what he was seeing. "Jesus, no..."

"I tried..." Elena whispered as Steve stood in front of the windows, trying desperately to hold himself together, beginning to fail. "I tried  _so damn hard_  to save her. To save both of them. Shuri, she was there and then... and then she wasn't. But she was so scared, I could hear it in her voice. Scared and confused. They both were. But Corrie.... my Corrie... she just...."

Elena turned, allowing herself to face the others, leaning back against the table and sitting beside the pile of ash. The group, who hadn't seen what Steve had seen, reacted to the sight before them. Okoya closed her eyes, hand clenching dust beneath her palms. Natasha let out a small sob. The others who didn't know who it was that sat next to Elena picked up on the significance of the size, a flurry of emotions passing over each person's face. It was not just the warriors, the fighters, the good guys and the bad guys who had been affected. It was children, too. 

"There was nothing I could do," Elena said, before suddenly bursting into tears. Steve turned around to see her crying into her ashen hands, knees pulled up as though it would help her keep herself together. He walked over to her, eyes glancing at the ash that was his Goddaughter. He wanted it to belong to another, to perhaps one of those demon alien things that had attacked. But it was so small...

"There's no name for a parent who loses their child," Elena was saying, clasping her hands together against her face, Steve coming to kneel in front of her. "There's no name because it's not possible, it's not allowed. To lose a child... Our Corrie... Where is our baby?"

Elena looked up at Steve, looked past Steve, stared around the room. Only now did it dawn on her that they were missing people. 

"Where... where are the others? T'Challa, Sam, Wanda, where...?" Elena trailed off, examining the room once more, this time with narrowed eyes that were more focused. It made Steve sick to know that she was looking for the one face that could make her feel better, that could understand her better than the others on what it was like to lose a child. Eventually, after her desperate scan of the room, her eyes fell onto his face. He looked away. He couldn't meet her gaze.

"Where's my Bucky?"

Steve didn't answer. Without a word Elena stood up and walked past him, making her way towards the scattered group with more strength in her stride than what she had in her heart. 

"Where's Bucky?!" She asked again, desperation seeping into her voice.

No-one would answer her. They wouldn't even look at her. She walked past each person in the room, some she knew, others she didn't, trying to find that familiar face. She could see it in her mind so clearly, she would've been able to pick his face out of a crowd of thousands. But in this room there was less than a dozen, and yet she couldn't find his face amongst the others. Her heart was clenched as tight as her fists. She could feel her fingernails leaving marks against the palms of her hands. They were beginning to bleed.

"Where-" she cut off after bumping into something - someone - she hadn't seen before, and looking down she saw a sight that would've shocked her in a different setting. She had never seen a raccoon like this before. However, that raccoon was holding something that held all of Elena's attention. Pointing a finger, she spoke to the creature, eyes wide in confusion.

"That's Bucky's gun," she breathed, taking a step forward at the raccoon that was staring back up at her. "Why do you... why do you have his gun?"

Whether he could speak or not, Elena didn't know. He didn't answer her question. He looked away instead, Elena noticing a look of sadness on his furry features. Her breathing tight, Elena made her way past the others, speaking fast.

"Did you guys leave him somewhere? Is he still making his way here? Did he go back to the hut? If he has, I'll go too, I have to see him, I have to find him-"

"Elena-"

Natasha's hand was on her uninjured shoulder, stilling her movement and making her face the blonde. Elena didn't like the look of sorrow she saw in her friend's eyes.

"No, Tasha, no, he's gotta be somewhere because he promised to come back to me. Bucky-Bucky would never leave me, he promised me, we promised each other we'd never leave one another. We promised-" Elena pulled herself away from Natasha, cutting off short when she realized that behind her Steve had finally stood up. Slowly, as though afraid to see his face confirm a quiet, terrifying fear that had been seeping into her heart now, Elena turned around.

"Steve," she whispered. He still wouldn't meet her eyes. It was too much for him. He didn't think he could do it. He didn't want to tell her because if he did, that meant that he had to acknowledge the truth that, once again, he had lost him. He had lost Bucky.

"Please," Elena choked, taking a step forward. "Steve, please, tell me where Bucky is. Tell me where he is. Please. I need to know."

She closed the distance between them, took his hand in hers. He couldn't help but flinch at that, his hands griping hers tightly before loosening, slowly bringing his hand up between them. Looking down, Elena saw something that she had failed to see before. Like hers, Steve's fingers were stained with ash too. Unlike Elena's, they did not belong to Corrie.

At that moment, she stopped seeing the world in colour. She stopped feeling her heart beat at all.

"No," Elena shook her head, shuffling backwards slightly. Steve's eyes were staring into hers now, shining with tears that he would not let fall. Not here. Not like this. He would be here for her instead, watch as her eyes welled up. She was just as stubborn as he was, though, refusing to let them fall. If she cried these tears for him, then that meant that - like Corrie - he was gone too. Her Bucky...  _It's not true,_ she told herself, still shaking her head.  _Come back. Come back to me. You promised, Bucky. You promised..._

"No, Steve, no. It's not true, it's not, because then I... I would've.. I..." Elena felt as though her lungs were about to give out, she didn't think she would ever be able to breathe again. She stared up at him, mouth open, eyebrows furrowed, disbelief and fear and distress all wrapped into one. It could not be true. With choked words Elena finished what she was trying to say.

"Please don't tell me I lost them both today."

Steve could only grip her hand tightly and let a lone tear fall down his face. Inside her chest, Elena felt a deep rising of something that made it feel like her chest was going to burst open. It was a howling, a groaning, a tsunami about to break.

"No... No... Please, Steve, please don't tell me I lost them both today," she moaned, bunching her hands against the material of his suit. "Please don't tell me I lost them both today, did I lose them both today? Did we lose them both today?"

She repeated those six words over and over again, shaking her head as though she wanted to answer her own question. She would not be so lucky, though. With a pained expression Steve started pulling her towards him, wanting to comfort her as she inevitably fell apart as the truth of what she had lost today crashed over her.  She tried to fight against him at first, pushing against his chest as she denied the fact that she had lost her family, but soon she found herself locked inside his arms, and her arms were around him, and they were hugging and he was crying softly into her hair and she was wailing and they were kneeling on the ground together, mourning for the people they loved.

"We lost them both today," Elena sobbed into the shoulder of her friend, the man who knew Bucky better than she did, the man who was hurting just as much as she was. "Oh God, Steve... Steve... My baby girl, our darling, oh, God, no..."

All Steve could do was hold her as they cried, collapsing into one another like stars into a black hole.

//


	40. - After -

 

They moved back to America soon after it happened. There was only so much they could do in Wakanda and, in truth, Elena couldn't bare to be in the country where she had given birth to her daughter and started a family with Bucky. Here is where it had all occurred. Here is where she had lost them and so many more.

Elena felt for Okoye. Losing her king, her princess, and even the queen mother in one swoop had left the woman just as confused and lost as she herself was feeling. However, Elena had to give it to Okoye: the warrior was strong. With her husband they had stepped up to the plate, taken charge of the country that they loved and deciding that they would be there for them in their time of need.

"We'll be here if you need help from us once more," Okoye had also told them before they had left. "If you find a way and need our help... We'll be there to bring them home."

So they had left Wakanda and returned to American soil. As soon as Elena had set foot inside the abandonded Avengers headquarters she headed straight towards the phone in one of the offices only to find the phone's line dead. As it turned out, there was limited signal anywhere.

"It's only just happened so I guess they're still trying to get things up and running again," Bruce had said when he had caught her trying again and again to get the phone to work. Elena had scowled at that, throwing the phone down on the desk and stalking out of the office.

"This is supposed to be a state of the art building filled with state of the art technology. How can it  _not_ make one damn phone call?!" She snapped. Watching from the dining room was Natasha who had only shaken her head, putting her own phone down.

"Cellphones aren't working either," she had murmured, patting the other woman on the arm comfortingly. "They'll work again soon enough. We just have to give it some time."

But that was something that Elena couldn't give, not when the people she loved had none. 

Slowly, eventually, phone and cellular signals came back to life. News stories of what happened were appearing on tv, interviews with those who wanted to know what exactly had happened, where were their friends, their family, their dogs? That part hurt Elena a little more than she first expected. She didn't know animals had been affected too. 

They were calling it The Decimation. Soon enough people were realizing where the power surge had originated from and were connecting the dots. The aliens had come again. The Avengers had fought them. The Avengers had lost and, in turn, so had the rest of the world. Now everyone was wondering: What next?

That was the question Delilah had asked when Elena had managed to get in contact with her. Thankfully, her oldest friend had survived The Decimation and was alive in Seattle, now planning to make the journey to Elena. When she had heard what had happened to Bucky and the young girl she had never got the chance to meet, she had cried down the phone line and Elena had cried with her. Elena knew that Delilah had a soft spot for Bucky. To learn that the man she had housed and cared for, the man she considered a son, had died in The Decimation, had almost broken the old woman's heart in two. So she was travelling to Elena, the question of what next still hanging in the air, only to be answered once she had arrived.

It had been almost a month since it happened. They were all still trying to get their heads around the event, still trying and failing to decide what was to happen next. Delilah had arrived while Elena had been on the phone with her eldest brother Sean, adding to her list of misery the loss of her parents and other two brothers and their families. For Sean and his family of six, only his baby daughter survived, only weeks old when it happened. 

"She won't know what happened to her mother," Elena was saying to Delilah, the pair sitting in the living room with the television playing on mute. All it ever played nowadays was videos and interviews revolving around The Decimation. "She won't know what happened to her older brothers and sisters. She won't know why her dad is so sad. It's tragic, Dee. Everything that's happened..."

"I know," the older woman replied, looking out the window. "It was breakfast in Seattle when it happened. One minute I was serving Pete - do you remember Pete? He was a regular at the shelter. Nice man. But one minute I was serving him, and the next he was gone, tray clattering to the floor and his ashes..."

Delilah trailed off, closing her eyes.

"I took care of them. All of them. Like they were my own family. But with this? I couldn't take care of them, no matter how much I tried," she murmured, a lone tear falling down her face. Elena reached over and took hold of Delilah's hand, squeezing it gently. With a soft smile the woman sniffed, shuffling closer to Elena and looking around.

"I'll be honest, honey, I was surprised to hear from you. I thought you had disappeared for good after the Vienna fiasco. I didn't think you'd be returning back here ever again," she said. Elena shrugged.

"It's home base. We need that at the moment. A place to reorganize, recollect..." Elena trailed off, looking up at the television. Not noticing Elena's change in attention, Delilah spoke.

"And of all places to reorganize it just so happens to be the Avengers headquarters. Who would've thought that you'd be an avengers, love! That's quite something. Or... or are you just a helping hand to the group? You never really said on the phone..." Noticing that Elena was now focusing on something else, Delilah frowned. "Elena? Sweetheart? What's the matter?"

It was as though Delilah's voice was far away at the other end of a tunnel. Standing up on trembling legs, Elena took a step towards the television, eyes growing wide. Catching sight of the television Delilah stood up, eyes flickering from Elena to the figure on tv. 

"El? B-Baby?" Delilah whispered, reaching out towards the younger woman who only stepped away from her hand.

"That's not fair," she said softly, voice shaking. "How... How can that  _be?_ "

Staring at the television Elena watched as that familiar figure addressed the cameras in front of him. Dressed in surgical scrubs with a white lab coat thrown over his tall figure, those ice blue eyes stared deep into her own as he spoke.

"...trying to figure out what's going on, but until then we still have patients that need attending. While I acknowledge that we're all still in mourning for what happened, we have people here that need urgent attention. I ask those that are still in charge of this post apocolyptic nightmare to think of the lives that they  _could_  save right now by diverting power to the hospitals for a time, not the ones we have already lost and can't get back."

With a small nod and smile, the man turned his head towards another reporter who as attempting to gain his attention. Elena couldn't hear whatever words it was that she was saying, though. She could only see him, her old personal monster and tormenter, standing as though the sun was only shining on him and his perfect life. And it was perfect.  _Of course it is_ , Elena thought, reading the caption beneath his figure:

Doctor Thomas Byrne, M.D, P.H.D, Head of Neurosurgery, Metro-General Hospital.

"Elena-" Delilah whispered, but it was too late. Elena could feel the cracks that had opened when The Decimation occurred being ripped apart. With a broken sob she stumbled away from the television, tears streaming down her face.

"It's not fair," she moaned, shaking her head as Delilah approached, wrapping her arms around the other woman. " _It's not fair!"_

"I know, baby, Elena, it's okay-" Delilah was trying to soothe her, to calm her down, but all Elena could see was Thomas, all she could feel was the pain he had subjected her to for years. The two thin scars on her cheek burned painfully as she thought about how he had created them, been jailed for them.  _And yet_ , a small voice in her head whispered. 

"Elena-"

"No!" Elena howled, and she pulled herself away from Delilah, stumbling onto her knees before getting back onto her feet, wavering softly. Her yell had caught the attention of some of the other Avengers in the building at the time. Bruce, Natasha, Rhodey, and Steve came into the room, eyes scanning the room.

"Elena? What's going on?" Natasha asked, staring at Delilah who only looked helplessly at her.

"I-There was- The television-" Delilah stammered, pointing up at the figure that continued to grace the screen. Different expressions of confusion passed over their face while Delilah approached Elena who only stepped away, sobs racking her body.

"Elena? I don't understand..." Steve said, and that only made Elena sob harder.  _Of course you don't understand!_ She wanted to scream at them.  _Only Bucky does! Only Bucky really knows! He could save me from him if he was here, and yet..._

"He's supposed to be in jail!" Elena cried, turning her attention towards Delilah. It was at this that Steve realized who the person on the screen was, eyes wide with shock. "He's supposed to be rotting in a cell!"

"It was only a year long sentence, sweetheart," Delilah said sadly, her own eyes welling up with tears. "He... He got out after you and Bucky left. They took him back, the hospital in Seattle. After a few years he left the city and I didn't hear about him again. Until..."

Feeling like she was going to explode with anger, sadness, unimaginable pain, Elena picked up the nearest object - an empty vase - and threw it across the room. The sound it it shattering made everyone in the room jump and Steve took a step towards her.

"Elena?" he said softly, hesitantly. She looked over at him, lips trembling.

"It's not fair that he's... that he's alive," she whispered. "After what he did... after he did this."

She pointed at the scar on her cheek, noticing the realization cross over Natasha's face. The other woman walked towards her, past Steve and Delilah, stopping in front of the trembling woman.

"What did he do, Elena?" she asked softly, asking the same question that the other in the room apart from Delilah and Steve were asking. At first Elena didn't speak, the pain of the past hurting her too much, but eventually she found her voice and decided, if she could, she would use it.

"We were going to get married. I loved him. And maybe he loved me. I don't know. But he had a funny way of showing it," Elena whimpered, wringing her hands together. "Bucky... It was Bucky. He saved me. We... We save each other. And he... He..."

With a choked sob Elena stepped away from Natasha, shaking her hands and pointing angrily at the television.

"It's not fair!" she shouted. "I lose the man I love, our daughter, we lose all our friends and family, and yet  _he_ gets to live?! He gets  _everything_  he ever wanted while Bucky - Corrie -they're  _dead?!_  I can't - I can't let this stand-"

"Elena, I know that you're upset-" Steve was in front of her now, standing beside Natasha with a look of worry in his blue eyes. His hands had wrapped themselves around her arms, gentle but firm, desperate to catch her attention, but she wouldn't let him. Using a move that Bucky had once taught her she slipped out of his grasp, stepping back from him with fury in her eyes that was not directed at any of them.

"Upset?! I'm  _pissed_. I'm absolutely  _livid_ ," she hissed, glancing around the room."If I could, I would be burning this world to the ground until they're all back."

"-but killing Thomas isn't going to do that, Elena!" Steve cried, pointing at the television. "They're not going to come back if you kill him."

"He's right, El," Natasha added gently, looking at her with knowledge of such acts clear in her eyes. "He's right, it won't."

For a minute Elena didn't reply, staring at them for a moment. Steve thought that perhaps they had gotten through to her, that maybe she realized now that what she was talking about was madness. But then she let out a small laugh, a hysterical edge cutting into it that gave way to the true pain she was feeling.

"Oh, no. No. I'm not going to kill him. Thomas he's..." she trailed off, swallowing and glancing up once more at the television before turning away from it with furrowed eyebrows. "I'm upset about him managing to survive it. But that's not where my angers going."

She stepped forward towards them, staring hard into their eyes with such ferocity it scared them both.

"I know we're planning on finding _him_  and bringing them all back. Best believe I'll be there when that happens, and when we do find that _bastard_... I'm gonna kill him," she growled before pushing past them and walking towards the door. Standing out of her way Rhodey raised an eyebrow.

"How? I mean, we had a God who couldn't even do that-" he argued, confused as to what kind of plan the woman had swirling in her head. That seemed to tug on a particular string in her heart that made her spin around, staring at the group.

"I'm not a God," she said hard, blue eyes flashing almost electric. "I'm a goddamn woman whose got nothing to lose."

With that she stalked down the hallway, moving fast despite Steve and Delilah's efforts at trying to catch up with her, both calling.

"Elena-"

"Baby-"

She ignored them, taking a sharp turn into the room that she had claimed as hers and slamming the door behind her, locking it for extra measure. At first, the pair tried to coax her out of her room or at least to unlock it for them but she would not bend. She was too busy going through her bags that were yet to be unpacked, searching for the things that could help bring her the revenge and strength she so desperately needed.

It was when the knocking and voices subsided that she found them: the vials Shuri had made up before the war had begun and Elena had lost her. With shaking hands she pulled one out, staring at its contents. Inside was a swirling mixture of deep purple-blue liquid. It reminded her of a little universe trapped inside glass. When she tapped a finger against it, the mixture moved as though it were alive.

"You said after, Shuri," Elena murmured to herself, grabbing the syringe and clicking the vial into place, holding the little gun steady. "It's after."

Shuri had said that she hadn't run the final tests on it, that there was a chance it wouldn't work, but now she was gone and there would be no test to make sure it was safe. It was all or nothing, to try or to not try, and Elena knew what option she wanted to take.

With a shaky breath she rolled up the sleeve of her shirt, tying her shoelace around her upper arm before baring it upwards, needle hovering over it's point of entry. She felt her heartbeat accelerate, saw the mixture sludge slowly towards the bottom where the needle was, could hear her daughter's voice echoing in her head.  _She had been so scared, and so am I. So am I._

But what was fear when you have nothing to lose?

With a deep breath Elena sunk the needle into her arm and pressed down, the vial's contents slowly emptying itself into her body.

When it was done she let the syringe drop to the floor, pushing herself backwards until she was leaning against her bed.

First, there was nothing. Just her breathing and her heartbeat.

But then it touched her heart, and so the fire began.

_**[~]** _


	41. - Medicine -

They had been sitting at the table when they heard it. The scream. One moment Steve and Delilah were talking with one another, Natasha listening silently as the older woman explained Thomas' significance in Elena's life, the next they were all running towards the source of the sound.

It had come from Elena's room. The sound of it rose and fell, a shriek of high octave cutting through the building. It was loud enough for the rest of their team to emerge from wherever it was they had been before, with Bruce, Rhodey, and the raccoon known as Rocket coming to investigate too. Even Thor had left his place of silent mourning and simmering anger, eyebrows furrowed. It was still coming when they all reached the door, Steve kicking it down without hesitation. There was no time for politeness, he thought, not when Elena was making such a horrific noise it was as if she were being murdered. 

It was like an imaginary figure was using Elena like a rag doll, shaking her across the floor and making her limbs flail wildly. There was a deep groan, a sharp gasp, and then she let out another scream, back arched. Steve was by her side in an instant, Natasha following quickly on his heels while Delilah stood beside Rhodey and Bruce. The old woman was staring with wide eyes at the scene before her, mouth open wide with shock, and when Elena let out another cry of agony, Delilah began to cry.

"What's wrong with her?!" she sobbed, taking a step closer before stopping, her shoulders shaking intensely as Elena let out another shriek. Steve couldn't answer her at first, hands grabbing at Elena's arms and trying to pin them to the ground. She was thrashing around too much, though, attempting to fight him off. There were times when she was almost able to do exactly that. With a frown Steve threw a leg over her torso, straddling her in an effort to stop herself from almost breaking her back with each painful scream. As Natasha struggled to pin her legs down, Rhodey and Rocket now coming to help as well, Bruce walked past the scene. With a frown he picked up an object that the others hadn't noticed at first, too preoccupied with Elena. With wide eyes he held it up, calling Steve's name. Looking over he froze, eyes narrowed as he took it in. The syringe was like a gun, the needle's end glistening with a mixture of liquid and Elena's blood. When he looked at the vial inside it, he saw that it was empty, dark purple streaks running down the insides. Feeling his face grow pale with fear he looked down at Elena who only shook her head, eyes wide and bloodshot.

"Elena?!" he gasped, and he could feel the tears beginning to sting his eyes. " _What have you done?!_ "

"Get her to the med bay!" Bruce shouted. Only Steve and Thor could drag her out of the room without worry of her arms escaping their hold and smacking them in the face. When they dragged her into the new room they lay her down on a table. "Strap her down!"

They did as he asked, watching as she struggled against the restraints. Steve watched as Elena tugged on them so hard it left hot red marks against her skin, digging deep against her wrist. From the doorway Delilah cried out.

"What's wrong with her?! What's wrong with my baby?!"

"She's injected herself with something," Bruce said quickly, ruffling through the cabinets as the others watched, switching their attention between him and Elena's cries.

"With what?" Rhodey asked, wincing when Elena let out a particularly shocking scream. Beside him Rocket frowned, the raccon's whiskers twitching nervously.

"Whatever it was, it doesn't sound good."

"Get an IV," Bruce ordered, pulling out another syringe and vial and going over to Elena. Before anyone could ask he pressed the needle into her skin and let the fluid flow into her body. 

"What is that?" Delilah asked nervously, eyes fixated on Elena. 

"Ketamine," Bruce said softly, pulling the syringe out and letting it fall on the tray beside him. While it didn't make Elena relax fully - she still shuffled around the table and let out unconcious whimpers and moans of pain - it took away the worst of the thrashing that had begun to rub raw her wrists and ankles. With a sigh Bruce stepped away, looking at the syringe Elena had used that was sitting on the countertop nearest the door as Natasha approached him, IV in hand. With a murmured "Thanks," he hung it off a pole before sliding the needle into her hand, taping it down.

"Fluids. Should help as well. Her lips and skin are all dry," he said. Steve frowned, looking down at Elena. Bruce was right. He thought that all that activity would have left a fresh sheen of sweat over Elena's body but it was the exact opposite. Her lips were tinted the barest blue, cracked and peeling, while her skin looked as dry and as white as a piece of paper. 

"What kind of thing could do this to her?" Steve murmured. 

"If anything, we should be asking  _why_  she did this to herself," Natasha said, biting her lips and brushing Elena's hair out of her face. "What was she hoping it would do?"

A loud silence fell over the group, no-one wanting to say what they were all thinking. No-one would meet eyes with the person beside them, too shocked and shaken by what Natasha could've been suggesting. With a sniff the blonde bent down and kissed the top of Elena head, taking Delilah's hand when the old woman approached, tears still streaming down her weathered face. 

"I don't know, Nat. And I don't know what was in that vial," Bruce said before picking up the syringe Elena had used in her room, staring hard at the trails that had been left behind. "But I'll get some tests going. Then we'll know."

"And Elena?" Delilah asked. All heads turned towards Bruce who could only let out a deep sigh, shrugging his shoulders.

"All we can do is monitor her vitals. Until I know for sure what this thing is... All we can do is wait."

\\\

They left her in the med bay with Bruce as he did his tests, sitting at the table once more. This time, all was silent. Steve didn't know how long they sat there for but eventually they heard Bruce leave the bay and begin to walk down towards where they were all waiting. Natasha had called up Okoye only minutes earlier to inform her of what had happened to her old student and now the general of the Dora Milaje was watching from the projection, looking just as anxious as the others. When she saw Bruce appear she spoke.

"What did she do, Doctor Banner? What did she take?" She asked, staring hard at the doctor with clear worry in her eyes. Bruce took off his glasses, wiping them on the end of his shirt as he replied.

"It's... it's some sort of enhancer."

"Enhancer?" Natasha echoed, eyebrow raised in confusion. Bruce didn't answer for a moment, looking nervous, until finally he looked up at Steve.

"A super serum."

"What?!" Steve exclaimed. Bruce seemed to share the thought, putting his glasses on as he looked at all those in the room.

"I don't know how she managed to get her hands on it but she did," he said. Steve frowned, deep lines appearing across his forehead as he thought. He looked over at Okoye who did not say a word, thinking about all the time Elena had spent with her. All the time she had spent with the royal family.

"I think I have an idea," he murmured. Catching on to what he was implying, Okoye tilted her head, eyes wide.

"You think Shuri helped her with this?" She asked. It wasn't an accusation. More surprise than anything. But after the words came out of her mouth it seemed to hold a truth to it that the others latched onto. Steve thought about the Wakandian princess.  _One of the smartest people I've ever met_ , he thought, remembering how she had been able to heal Bucky's mind in a few months. 

"Who else did Elena know who was smart enough to replicate something like what I had taken?" Steve said with a sigh. Natasha frowned.

"But how did she get a sample from you to make it?" she asked. "Did you ever get treated by her?"

"No, never needed it," Steve said.

"Then who? Or did she just make this all by herself?" Natasha asked, making Okoye shrug.

"If anyone could, it would be her," she said, a sad smile on her face as she thought about the dead princess. Okoye looked away from them, beginning to frown. Steve hadn't noticed the reminising look on the warrior's face, though. He was too busy thinking back to the past about his experiment and how it had helped to make him what he was today. He knew he hadn't been the only one who had been playing with super serums back then. Red Skull had, with disastrous effects. It hadn't stopped HYDRA from trying to recreate it, though, and in the end they had gotten it right. Almost.  _Because how else did he survive?_

"It wasn't me," Steve said softly, the others looking over at him.

"Wh- What?" Bruce stuttered in confusion.

"Shuri didn't get the sample from me. It was Bucky," Steve said, and he saw the realization cross over their faces. "When I saved him from that camp they had been testing on him. He survived the fall because of whatever knock-off super serum they gave him. Shuri must've found it when she was helping to fix his mind and isolated it."

Walking over to Bruce, Steve stared at the doctor with wide eyes, terrified about this newfound information. "Can you save her?"

"I-I don't know," Bruce admitted. "She's already taken the serum, it'll be changing her as we speak for better or for worse. All we can do is wait and hope that she's strong enough to survive the transformation."

"She might not?" Steve asked, his voice a whisper. Bruce didn't meet his eyes and beside him he felt Delilah take his hand, squeezing it tight. Swallowing hard Steve nodded at the silence, looking down at the ground. Even with the others in the room with him, he couldn't help but feel utterly alone in that moment of time.  _If she dies,_ he thought, tears stinging his eyes and threatening to spill over.  _Oh, God, if she dies..._

Without a word Steve let go of Delilah's hand and walked out of the room. Only when he had made it back to Elena's side, the woman still lying on the table and twitching every now and again, did he allow those tears to overflow.

//


	42. - What More Could I Lose? -

_"Daisy."_

_"Oh, God, no," Elena laughed from the bed, shaking her head as she rubbed her stomach. It felt as though the little bump inside her was using her womb as a punching bag. Little did the kid know it was their bedtime. Elena watched as Bucky raised an eyebrow about the objection to the name, turning away from the window where he was pouring some water for her._

_"No, that's too_ The Great Gatsby _. I was never a fan of that book."_

_"I never read it," he admitted, putting the jug down and walking back towards her. Elena couldn't help but let out a gasp._

_"What- you've never read it?! Bucky-"_

_"You said it wasn't that good! Why are you complaining?" he laughed, handing her the water which she accepted with a cheeky smile._

_"I said I wasn't a fan of it, not that it wasn't good," she countered, sipping her water before continuing. "I can't believe I love a man who has never read_ The Great Gatsby _."_

_"Guess you're gonna have to find a replacement," Bucky replied, collapsing onto the bed by her side._

_"I mean..." Elena raised her eyebrows suggestively, a giggle playing on her lips. "Has Steve read it?"_

_"Oh, you're bad, doll," Bucky exclaimed, making Elena squeal when he threw his arm around her and buried his face against her side. She patted his head with one hand, putting her glass down with the other._

_"I know you love me," she teased, looking down at him. He rolled over onto his stomach, gently resting his head against her large stomach as though he were trying to listen to his unborn child inside her._

_He smiled softly, looking up at her."Okay, then, not Daisy," he agreed. "How about... Sophie?"_

_"Sophie isn't too bad for a girl," Elena nodded. "What about a boy?"_

_"Do you have any suggestions?"_

_"Odhran. Orin. Something Irish," she replied, making Bucky nod slightly against her stomach._

_"It covers both of us."_

_"Exactly. So maybe Odhran Barnes, Sophie Barnes-"_

_"Barnes?" At that Bucky sat up, staring at her with furrowed eyebrows. "You- you want them to have my last name?"_

_"Of course," Elena replied, a little surprise at Bucky's reaction. She though it had been obvious that that was what was going to happen._

_"But... but we're not married," he said, making Elena laugh. Sometimes there was a flash of 1940s that would jump out of him. It was very rare, but Elena always cherished it when it occurred. Letting her giggles die down she shrugged, looking at her stomach._

_"Yeah, well... We might be one day," she suggested tentatively before speaking quickly. "I just don't want to go through the process of changing their last name from Burroughs-Barnes to just... Barnes... once we're married. Might as well just have it as that already."_

_With a grin that was almost boastful, utterly cheeky, Bucky tilted his head to the side and looked at her with eyes that made her want to kiss him hard all night long._

_"You wanna take my last name?" He murmured, looking at her through lowered eyelashes. Bashfully Elena shrugged, rubbing her stomach._

_"If you're willing to give it," she replied, one corner of her lips pulling up in a little, loving smirk. His face cracking with a huge smile Bucky fell gently against her, pressing his lips against her neck, jaw, lips as she laughed beneath his affection._

_"I love you..." he said, nuzzling her neak. "So damn much."_

_With a giggle Elena wrapped an arm around his shoulders, tilting her head so she could kiss the top of his._

_"I love you too, Bucky."_

//

Pain. That had been her reality for God knows how long. The screaming, the thrashing, the burning in the dark. But this... this was a different kind of pain. Because when she opened her eyes she knew,  _she knew_ , that what she had just dreamed about, just remembered, would not be her reality when she woke up. 

She knew where she was. She remembered what had happened. When she opened her eyes the first thing she saw was the ceiling, sharper than before, the colour almost too bright for her to handle. She blinked, turning her head and capturing everything else around her. Open cabinets with bottles whose labels she could read clearly despite being metres away, a glass wall that had the faintest of scratches that she hadn't noticed before, and a man.

She never noticed the faintest hint of green that hid in Steve's sky blue eyes before. 

"What did you do?" His voice was hoarse, arms crossed over his chest in disappointment. Elena sighed, sitting up in the bed. Handcuffs dangled helplessly off her wrists and ankles.  _Must've broken them while I was out_ , she thought. Tilting her head to the side she grabbed one around her wrist and yanked hard. It easily broke, falling apart on her bed. Her wrist felt fine.

"It had to be done," she murmured, looking at the broken handcuff and avoiding his gaze.

"How did this happen?"

"When Shuri was running those tests on Bucky to help him, I... I asked her to help me too," Elena admitted. Steve didn't seem surprised to hear this. Elena suspected that he might've already known that, or at least had guessed that was the case.

"A super soldier serum?" He asked. She nodded softly.

"Yes. She was able to reproduce the one that helped him survive his fall from the train all those years ago. It... it wasn't completely accurate. She had to run some tests but... but it was finished. As best as it could be," Elena told him, making him inhale sharply.

"You took it? Before it had been tested?!" Now there was an edge of anger sliding into his voice that Elena had never heard from him before. With a frown she forced herself to look up at him, face set in stone.

"I mean, didn't you?" She shot back. She was glad to see that her comment had hit him in a weak spot, the man spluttering as he tried to find an excuse for his own scientific experiment from years ago.

"I-That's different, Elena-"

"How?! You wanted to stop nazis, to help people," Elena argued. "Well, I want to help too!"

"Elena-" Steve tried to interrupt her, but she was on a roll now. Kicking her legs over the side of the bed she stared up at him, hands clenching the mattress so hard she felt her fingernails pierce through it. With one hard yank she would be able to rip clumps out of it, but even in her fury she didn't want to damage what wasn't hers. She grimaced, loosening her grip as she attempted to reason with Steve.

"I'm tired of feeling useless! I can fight well enough to hold off your average human, but the things that we've seen... All those creatures..." she trailed off, shaking her head at the dark memories. With a sigh she looked at him again. "You and I both know I don't have the power to stop those things. I don't have the years behind me despite the amount of training. I needed something to - to put me on your level."

"My level?"  _He's pissed_ , Elena thought before replying quickly, desperately, before she lost his attention completely.

"Bucky's level!"

"Elena-"

"To be able to help!" She cried, but Steve shook his head, walking away from her as he began to shout.

"What you did was dangerous, it hadn't even been tested!"

"Steve-"

"To do something like this behind our backs, it was reckless! Irresponsible!" he shouted, looking at her with clenched fists. She almost expected him to point an accusing finger at her. She growled, looking away from him.

"It was needed-"

"It wasn't! It was never needed! Jesus," he ran a hand through his hair in exasperation, shaking his head at her. "I can't believe you, Elena, to hide that from us?! You terrified all of us, me, Nat, Delilah?! That poor woman has not stopped crying since you took that damn drug-"

"You're not even listening to me-" Elena snapped, but Steve only proved her right by continuing to rage.

""After everything we've been through, everything that's happened-"

She couldn't hold back any longer. With hot tears in her eyes Elena stood, walking over to him as she screamed.

"I had nothing to lose!"

"Nothing to lose?!" She was standing in front of him now, looking as though she wanted to hit him, so Steve grabbed her by the shoulders hard. Any other time he wouldn't have ever dared to lay a finger on her in such a way, not after what she had been through with Thomas, but it was the only way to stop her from completely barrelling him over, which she could do now. With a desperate shake of his arms he stared down at her, yelling.

"You could've died, Elena!"

"I don't care!" Her words had the force of a storm behind them, so hard and cruel and sad that it froze both of them to their core. Steve stared at the younger woman, eyes wide as he stared at her in horror. Unable to take the grief that was hiding within those blue pools, Elena let her head hang, the strength in her limbs fading as her shoulders collapsed.

I don't care," she whispered again, words of the broken woman. Two tears slipped down her cheeks and fell onto the ground by her bare feet. 

"I watched my daughter  _die_ , Steve. I held my baby in my arms and felt her collapse into  _nothing_. And the man... The father of my child, the man I love with every part of my being... He's gone. He's dead. I... I have  _nothing_ ," she whispered, looking back up at him with haunted eyes. "So what more could I lose?"

She shrugged softly, weakly, the lightest of movements that meant so much to Steve. Under his hands, it felt as though she had given up. He frowned, feeling tears pooling in his eyes.

"Elena..." he said softly, swallowing back the lump in his throat as he sniffed. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"If I died I would be with them," Elena continued. "If I lived... If I lived I could help save them. If there's any chance of saving them, then I want to help."

"I know. I'm sorry, El. I just... I was scared," Steve admitted, and it was his turn to look away from her, his hands falling away from her arms as he stepped backwards. 

"We've lost so many people because of what happened. Sam, T'Challa, Shuri, just... so many people. To see Bucky fall... I..." Steve trailed off, feeling the tears beginning to spill down his face at the thought of his oldest friend, the man who knew him better than anyone else in the world, the man Steve would cross time and space for.

"I can never catch him when he falls, El," Steve finally choked out, closing his eyes and wiping at them hard before sniffing. "I've lost him too many times and every single time hurts worse than the last. And Corrie, Jesus...."

He didn't finish his sentence about his goddaughter, the pain of her death worse, in a way, than anyone elses.  _She was just a child, practically a baby_ , he thought, imagining the dark hard girl he had held in his arms before he went to fight in a losing battle. 

"I thought I was about to lose you too, Elena, and that..." he sighed, looking at the wall in front of him. "That just kills me to think about."

"Steve..." He felt her touch his arm and he turned around, taking her hand gently.

"You don't have nothing. You have all of us. You have me. So please,  _please_ , don't ever do something like this again. I can't... I can't afford to lose you too," he begged, gripping it tightly. With a soft nod Elena agreed.

"I won't. I promise. I'm sorry, but please, Steve, understand..." she trailed off, but Steve didn't need her to finish for him to understand what she was saying.

"I do. I know. It's okay," he murmured, before pulling her into his arms. Hugging him tightly, Elena found herself surprised at how much he held back when it came to this casual form of intimacy with her. For Steve, it wasn't Elena's strength that surprised him during that time, but her height. Once she had only reached below his chest. Now, though, her head fit perfectly against the crook of his neck. She was probably the same height as Bucky, if not a few centimetres shorter now. It made him chuckle slightly, which made Elena pull away, a soft smile on her face as she touched his jaw.

"You shaved," she said simply, and he nodded softly. "What a momentous occasion I missed out on while I was under."

Those words seemed to still Steve's heart because Elena frowned, pulling away further as she raised an eyebrow.

"Steve?" she said, and the man looked down, thin lines appearing across his forehead. 

"That... that might not have been the only thing you missed out on, Elena," he murmured. Allowing Steve to lead her towards the bed, the pair both sat down, Steve cupping Elena's hands gently.

"What happened, Steve?" Elena asked, looking at him through long eyelashes. He let out a deep sigh.

"Tony's back," Steve told her, making her sit up straighter. Tony Stark. The last time she had seen him was in the Raft where he had promised to bring Bucky home to her, but didn't. Now she knew the reason why, however the thought of him still upset something in her. She wondered why he was here and where he had been during the battle in Wakanda. "He's resting up but will probably be gone soon. He's hurting... it's my fault."

"Steve..." Elena soothed, rubbing his back comfortingly. He took a deep breath before looking at her.

"And Thanos is dead."

At that Elena froze, eyes wide. She didn't reply so Steve continued.

"We found him. We questioned him. Thor killed him."

"The stones," she whispered, and she could feel her heartbeat accelerating. She stood up, looking towards the door. "Did you get them? Did you bring them back?! Where are they-"

She took one step towards the door before she felt herself being held back, Steve gripping her wrist.

"Elena, no," he said gently, and Elena looked over her shoulder back at him, still.

"What?" She whispered. She thought that maybe she had heard him wrong, but the fresh tears in his eyes told her that wasn't the case.

"I.... I'm sorry. There's.... There's nothing we can do now," Steve said. "Thanos destroyed the stones, they're gone. They..." he trailed off, and this time Elena knew that he wasn't talking about the stones. 

"They're gone."

//


	43. - The Time Traveler's Wife -

_Flew to the UK today. Hiding out in Wales. There's a beach here. It's the middle of winter but that doesn't stop Elena from walking down to the beach. The wind is crippingly cold and the grey sky echoes the ocean in colour and mood, but goddamn... she's the sun in my life._

_Remembered when Steve and I first met as kids. So excited, I feel like I'm about to break the pen writing the memory down. We were at school and he was so small..._

_Nightmare about Howard and Maria Stark. I remember it all. Sometimes I think I deserve to die for everything I've ever done, that maybe Steve should have just let Tony kill me. But then Elena wraps her arms around me and her kisses are everywhere and I think that maybe... maybe we deserve second chances at happiness._

She had been reading his journals every night since she had woken up. She had done this before when he had been under so the entries were once she had already memorized, but it was the only thing she had left of him, his mind, his spirit. She loved the ones he wrote about Corrie. Always so bright and optimistic, bringing forth memories of his own sisters who were now dead and gone. Sometimes she would spend hours reading through them and tracing the letters with one finger, silently speaking the words and wondering where he had been when he had written them, or where had she been, or had it been from a time before they had met. She imagined him sitting in a room or at a park bench writing down the memories, the feelings, the emotions, and would have to close her eyes after a moment to stop herself from becoming overwhelmed by the feeling of him.

Then, when waves of sleepiness would wash against the borders of her mind, she would put the journals away in her bedside draw and fall asleep, dreaming of him or her daughter or both of them, together once more in the grassy fields of Wakanda.

For Steve, though, all he saw was his friend pulling further and further away from the living, softly reaching towards the dead.

After the incidents with the serum, Tony, and Thanos, it seemed that life had come to a crossroad. Now people were beginning to try to push forward and make a new life for themselves in what was left. Others, though, were still holding on to the past. Elena was one of them. Despite her newfound strength that matched Steve's, she wasn't making the most of it. Her training had slipped away and instead she spent her days floating about the complex, a ghost haunting the area. 

Weeks passed, then months, and while the others began to leave the complex and start again, Elena remained. She wasn't the only one, Steve noticed. Natasha had decided to stay as well, keeping in contact with the remaining team and taking notes on whatever suspicious activity was occurring. Apparently Barton was still alive, however he was living a darker life than any of them would have ever expected from him. Steve wasn't going to interfer with that, though. He was trying, slowly, to move on too. But he couldn't, not until Elena could as well.  _At least Natasha's got some kind of plan_ , he thought one day, watching as Elena sat outside and let the new season's wind blow softly against her face.  _Elena's just letting the days slip past her like water through one's hands._

Then there was the book. 

It wasn't the journals. Those were private, for moments she desperately needed the memory of Bucky by her side. No, it was something else. Another novel she had dug up from many years ago. In the beginning nobody had noticed. They had all thought that it was always a different novel in her bag, her hands, beside her bedside draw whenever they had caught glimpses of it. Eventually they realized it was just the one novel, the same novel, that never left her side. The spine was cracked from the amount of times she had opened the book, the cover faded, the corners bent, the pages warped. Despite this, though, she never let it out of her sight, and when she was feeling particularly tense or upset, she would clasp it like a bible. 

"I've read it before," Natasha told Steve once when she was not in the room. 

"What's it about?"

"A time traveler and his wife. He disappears sometimes involuntarily and she's always left behind," the former spy told them, eyebrows drawn together, a small frown on her face. "It's sad, but thinking about the plot of that novel, it could be her truth."

"Her truth?" Steve echoed. Natasha nodded sadly. 

"Read it, Steve. I think you'd understand better than anyone, and with that you'd be able to understand her."

So he had. He had brought himself his own copy of the book and had began to read it. Eventually, the truth became apparent and he realized why she carried that novel with her wherever she went. It  _was_  her truth. It was a little bit of his, too. It was comfort and pain and hope all in one. But Jesus... it made him cry.

One day he heard her reading aloud, sitting outside the complex and looking out across the horizon. Her voice had been soft, cracked, but persistant. The words she had to say, the ones she couldn't form herself, came from this novel. It was how she spoke her truth now.

_"'Long ago, men went to sea, and women waited for them, standing on the edge of the water, scanning the horizon for the tiny ship. Now I wait for Henry. He vanishes unwillingly, without warning. I wait for him. Each moment that I wait feels like a year, an eternity. Each moment is as slow and transparent as glass. Through each moment I can see infinite moments lined up, waiting. Why has he gone where I cannot follow?'"_

She broke off, clasping the novel to her stomach, and Steve watched as her shoulders began to shake. Without a word he walked over to her, taking a seat beside her with tears in his eyes. She allowed the man to pull her against him after a moment of long silence, her face pressing into his shoulder as she cried, whimpering, "Why has he gone where I cannot follow?"

Why has he gone at all? Why did they go at all? Questions that kept Steve up at night.

One year passed, and the pair continued to ask the question, "Why has he gone where I cannot follow?" Now, though, they asked those questions in silence, when their new lives had a lull and they couldn't ignore their past.

One year, then two. The question hovered above them as they took the tentative steps into their new and strange lives.

Steve was living with Elena and Delilah, who had decided to stay with them in the city and use her money to make a new shelter for those struggling to get back onto their feet. The more time Steve spent with the older woman, the more he grew to love and admire her. There was a strength in her that the world needed more of, a stubborn persistance to be kind and helpful in a world that had become oh so grey. Every morning she would leave their apartment and open the shelter across the road, preparing breakfast for those living there or just passing through. Every day there was something new for the people to do, little activities that she would lead to bring a bit more laughter into the world. For others, there would be the papers and planning in regards to finding them a job, a home, or - in some sadder cases - a home for the children who would turn up on their doorstep, orphans in this new world. A behind the scenes job, Delilah had put Elena in charge of running it in the hopes that it would give her a feeling of purpose. While Elena was excellent at it, at the end of the day she would go to the complex to see Natasha and ask for updates on what was going on around the world, if perhaps a new chance had been found. Every night she would come back disappointed, retiring to her bedroom without a word to the others.

"I've never seen her in a state like this," Steve told Delilah one night after Elena's bedroom door had closed behind her. The older woman sighed, wrapping her fingers around her cup of tea. 

"Not even when she was recovering from Thomas did she look like this," she murmured. "This has hit my baby hard. I don't know what to do."

Neither did Steve. Sometimes he felt so useless, not knowing what it was that he could do to help her. Delilah would feed her, bring her a cup of tea while she was working, brush her scarred cheek like a mother would to her daughter, and that would make Elena smile gently. Natasha was tougher, the pair training hard while the russian motivated her with hope and determination of a future where those they had lost were back with them, never letting that light die out in either of them, and Elena would smile through the gruelling exercises she was getting tossed through. But with Steve... there was always a quiet, still space between them. Something sad, something untouched, something unspoken. It made both of them frown at the secret thoughts.

One. Two. Three years.

She was stronger than she had ever been physically, but Elena still walked as though every step hurt her. She didn't think it would take this long to find a way to bring them back, and while that hope was still in her heart, there was something else making a home there too. Not even the journals or that book could make her cast it aside, and once more she would find that sadness in her eyes overflowing, tainted with bitter betrayal on her part. 

"It's not wrong," Natasha had told her when Elena had stayed the night, the pair sitting on the sofa together and sharing a tub of ice cream. "It's been a long time. It's only natural."

"It feels wrong, though," Elena had murmured, scooping out a spoonful of ice cream and popping it into her mouth, looking towards the movie that was on tv, still playing softly in the background despite the woman no longer paying attention to it. "We get along well enough, and it's true that I care deeply for him, but... It's terrible, Nat. I shouldn't..."

"You two have always had a complex relationship. Sam and I always thought so while you were with us doing missions," Natasha said, making Elena frown. "I mean... It was Steve and Bucky, and then you and Bucky, and now..."

The redhead had trailed off, looking at Elena to see what was going on within the woman's mind. It was like watching the gears of a clock turn slowly, a slight hesitation with each turn as though the woman couldn't quite comprehend the thoughts going through her mind at the time. With a sigh she shook her head. 

"It's unfair to both of them for me to be thinking in such a way. If we find Bucky, then whatever Steve and I might've had... that might end. Or it might not, which means that Bucky is just... And if we have him back then that means Corrie will be too, which makes it even more complicated. I... I just..." Elena frowned, putting her spoon down.

"I loved Bucky first. But Steve loved him before me. And I love Steve so much because of the love he has for Bucky, and I know he loves me for that same reason too. But to take Bucky out of the equation, for us to just love each other... for us? It's hard to imagine he would ever feel that way about me, Tasha."

But Natasha had once been a spy, and while Elena thought she knew Steve, Natasha knew the truth. Elena wasn't alone in her thoughts and feelings. She was just the first one to acknowledge them.

Two. Three. Four years.

She had survived the years he thought he might end up losing her to, but he would watch her with caution anyway. And maybe a little more than caution, but he wouldn't say that out loud.

She had moved on from the shelter and had gotten a job as a teacher, balancing that life and the one she shared with Natasha. Both women refused to let go of the chance of bringing them home, holding onto it tighter than any of the others that they had not seen in months or years. It was a balancing act that seemed to be working for her, but it made Steve cautious. Any change could result in her fall, and he did not want to be that change that could cause it.

So he kept his thoughts inside. Bit his tongue when the emotions threatened to spill. He would laugh with her, talk with her, smile with her, but he would not do anything that pushed the boundries between friendship and something more, no matter how much he desired it. 

Because it was true. He did. But he wouldn't let her know that.

Five years gone, and on the day that Corrie was supposed to turn seven, they were sitting on a park bench in the dark, staring at the fountain before them that was lit up in white and blue. Steve kept his hands on his lap. Elena kept hers clasped together. She hadn't spoken when he had approached her, knowing exactly where she would be on that day having found her there each birthday for the past five years. Usually they would never talk, only sit there together until Elena was ready to go home and push through the next year. This time, though, she spoke.

"I wish I was water."

"Water?" Steve echoed, turning his head towards her. She didn't look at him, continuing to stare at the fountain before her.

"Water. I wish I was able to flow so easily with everything. To be so light in my movements and thought. To move forward with no intent to stop, with nothing holding me back. Or to stop, perhaps, and turn into glass. Reflect the sky and sit in peace," she murmured, before speaking a little louder and turning her head towards Steve. "Isn't it so unfair that we're made up of seventy percent of water and yet can't do that?"

The comment had caught Steve off guard, and the oddness of it made him laugh, Elena joining in softly.

"It's... it's very unfair," he replied, smiling at her. She smiled back, the laughter dying on her lips before she cleared her throat, looking away from him once more.

"I think... I think I live in quicksand," she said, before frowning slightly. "Think I've been living in it for a long time. It's so strange. I've already drowned in it and yet I'm still here. Actually... Living in quicksand isn't right. I haven't been living, I've just been... surviving. Only surviving."

Steve watched as she looked down at her clasped hands, blonde hair falling over her face.

"And that hope that we're going to find them... It's flickering," her voice was soft, as though she didn't want the world to hear her doubt. 

"I think... I think maybe... maybe they're really gone."

 Steve frowned, staring at her sadly before reaching towards her. His hands hesitated slightly, a little scared about what would happen if he made contact with her, wondering if the line they were both walking would snap as soon as he touched her. She was sitting there, though, and Steve saw a glimmer on her cheek that could only mean one thing. Without another thought about the consequences of his actions, as to what they may or may not bring, he reached out and touched her hand.

"I don't know if that's true," he murmured. "But if it is, it doesn't have to be."

"What do you mean?" Elena asked, looking up at him.

"Well... Death is what happens when people forget, I think. If people had forgotten me, I wouldn't have been found in the ice. If you had not helped Bucky remember who he was, then we wouldn't have gotten the man we loved back," he explained before looking over at the fountain.

"There is only so many people who will remember those we lost, but so long as we do they're never really gone. And they're not, so long as we remember."

For a long time they sat on the bench, hands holding each other as Steve stared at the fountain and Elena looked up at him. She could see the tears in his eyes, catching the white and blue lights, and when he blinked his eyelashes came away wet and slightly darker than before. She never let herself look at him in such a way, always stopping herself from doing so, but she couldn't help it now. She saw him in the same light she saw Bucky, and it was hard to change that view. When he looked back at her he smiled softly, squeezing her hand gently.

"Do you remember what I said to you after you took the serum?" he asked. Elena nodded softly. "I still mean it, Elena. I... I do. I need you."

"I..." Elena trailed off, looking down at their clasped hands. It was only for a moment but it was long enough for Steve to study her features intently. He took in the lowered eyelashes and the shadows her hair created across her face. He took in her soft skin and the curve of her lips, slightly parted as they hesitated to speak. He looked at her scars, grown glossy and smoother through the passage of time, and he fought the urge to cup her face gently. When she looked back up at him, he spied the blue in her eyes mixed with the grey, creating a perfect storm. 

"I do too. I need you too, Steve. So I'll stay."

It wasn't the direct words that each person was thinking of, but both parties knew what it meant. Tentative and soft and whispered in the dark, it was an admittance of what they didn't want the rest of the world to know. 

Natasha and Sam had been right. Theirs was a complex relationship, but it flowed like water despite this. Elena had always loved him in her own way, one only recognized now in the throngs of loss and mourning. She loved him because he understood her in a way no-one else could because he had lost Bucky too, and he had loved him just as much as she had. She loved him because he was like her. And Steve loved her too in his own way, different than how he loved Bucky or Peggy. He loved her because they were the same. He loved her because she fought harder than anyone else to get this far, and it made him want to do the same. To live, to push forward, to fight. And Jesus, they were going to fight. For each other, for their friends, for the loved ones they lost, for the world.

 Loss had called them both its lover, so they would find a way to deal with that pain by finding love in each other. It was their pact, their promise, their vow, whispered in the light of the fountain, only for each other to hear.


End file.
